Stripper Story

Okay, I had no idea there was a "Hooker Week" or a "Stripper Week" or anything like that going on. I think I'm reading the wrong blogs. Nobody I follow posts anymore. I miss all my poker blogging buddies. I think they all quit their poker blogs and moved onto some other blogs that I don't know about. Or they just Twitter, which is cool. If you have a blog in my blogroll and would like it changed to some other link, let me know and I'll do it. As it is that list is pretty pathetic.

When I heard about hooker and stripper stories I counted myself out because I've never actually recognized a hooker, even in Vegas, and I've never actually been to a strip club. So I must not know any good stories. But! I remembered a story and told someone about it and they said I MUST post it. So here goes.

I went to one bachelor party in my life. My friend's sister was getting married, and I was invited because I was nearly almost friends with the prospective groom and I was good friends with his sister. The party was in a small hotel room and there was stripper. I think the groom actually set it up. I know for sure he paid for it.

The stripper came in and got completely naked, which was kind of shocking to me. I did not expect to see bush that night. It was the 80s and I was probably 20 or 21 years old so strippers still had pubic hair. I felt very awkward and uncomfortable about it, even though the stripper barely even glanced at me the entire time.  She was very attractive, but she arrived with a very large black gentleman. Actually, he wasn't so large as he was FAT. This dude was ROUND.

As part of the act she took my friend Chris (brother of the bride) and laid him down on his back on the floor of the hotel room. Kinda gross. Then she knelt over his head and lowered herself onto his face. There were no panties or anything involved here. While my friend couldn't see anything beyond the mound of flesh in his face, the stripper proceeded to put tons of lipstick all over her mouth. When she was finished she bent down and laid a gigantic kiss on his crotch, spreading bright red lipstick all over his pants.

When they both got up off the floor, you couldn't have gotten the smile off Chris' face with a sandblaster. I've never seen a guy so happy, yet he was totally oblivious to the large red stains on the front of his trousers. As friends, it was our duty to tell him what really happened. Have I mentioned that we are really bad friends?

As it would happen the groom's money ran out and the stripper went on back to her studies. (I assume she was working her way through medical school.) The bachelor party then moved to the bar where the bachelorette party was going on, with all of the girlfriends of the guys in the wedding. Including Chris' girlfriend Sandy. It was then that our duty as friends kicked in. While standing at the bar in full view of his girlfriend, we pointed at Chris' crotch and told him he might want to clean up a bit.

Isn't it great having friends?