A Real Skill Game

Fantasy Football obviously requires a great deal of skill. A skill I don't have. Up until this week I am completely winless in my league, even though I played the lowest scoring players (even lower than me) in the last two weeks. Yet this week I have the highest score in the league by A LOT. And as we speak my players are still racking up points.

I should finish with at least 30% more points than the next closest player. Oops, there's another field goal for my kicker. Three more points. Ironically, not a single player from Buffalo's team is starting for any team in my league, and they are kicking the shit out of the Cowboys. Skill game indeed.

Unfortunately one of my most (okay, only) consistent players has been Travis Henry, Denver running back. Since he popped positive on a Marijuana test, he's likely to be suspended. Since it's his second positive (he popped on one when he was with the Tennessee Titans too) he'll likely be suspended for the year. Time to shop for a free agent running back. I'm so screwed.

What kind of fucking retard gets busted TWICE for smoking pot? I bet if there were MILLIONS OF DOLLARS on the line, any halfway intelligent person could quit smoking pot until they retired from football...at the ancient age of what, 34? I bet even Pauly could give up the ganja for a decade if you put a cool Mil a year on the table.

But no, smoking pot is more important to this guy than his football career and the millions of dollars he could earn. He must REALLY love pot. It must be REALLY GOOD.

I actually wouldn't know. I never smoked pot. Someone asked me why I never did, even though it was all around me when I was growing up (I did grow up in the 70's-80's, after all.) I think it was that I didn't understand what smoking pot was all about. I got the wrong impression, and I was pretty impressionable.

See, whenever I saw someone smoking pot when I was a teen, that person was a loser. I know it's not an amazing coincidence that a lot of people who are losers smoke pot, but I somehow came to the conclusion that they were losers BECAUSE they smoked pot all the time. My best friend smoked pot with the guys he worked with at the Car Wash. I went with him to their apartments once in a while, and these guys were really sad. It seemed like all they did was get high, or try to figure out how they were going to get high in the future.

I didn't know what pot did to you, but I knew I didn't want to be like those guys, so I stayed away from the pot. It continued through my young adult life. I worked for a guy at a newspaper that smoked pot. At first he seemed like a successful guy to me, Assistant Sports Editor and all. But then I saw where he lived and gave him a ride to work a few times because his moped was broke down.

Sophisticated people drank. Losers did drugs. Even pot. It seemed really harmless, but I wasn't going to risk eternal loserdom just for a toke or two. It never bothered me to be around them, even when they were smoking. I just always passed when it was offered.

Later in my life I met people who smoked pot, some of them who I would have considered absolute losers at the time, who turned out to be pretty successful. Most of them have grown out of their pot smoking phase. Funny how having kids seems to accelerate that little transformation. I am 100% in favor of decriminalizing pot. The laws are absolutely ridiculous. Just some of many asinine laws, of course.

When I finally figured out that being a loser means you probably smoke a lot of pot, not the other way around, the temptation had pretty much completely passed. I still get an opportunity once in a while, but I still pass. I guess I have a perfect game going, and I don't want to blow it.