Baseball Philosphy

I used to think I knew a lot about baseball. When I actually played I was a student of the game. I wasn't great but I loved it. I still love watching it, I love the strategy of it. Like Kissenger said, most of the action takes place in your head.

There's a lot to love about baseball. I love the Yankees. I love certain players. My favorite all time player is Lou Gehrig. I was a first baseman through most of little league and high school, but I was more of a defensive first baseman with a decent obp but not much power. I might have had a chance as a middle infielder if I could have thrown a runner out from the hole. I had the hot glove, but the arm wasn't there. But even though I'm right handed I love first base, and I took it very seriously. If a throw got past me I was ashamed. I don't care if it was in the dirt or five-yards wide, I knocked that fucker down or it was my fault, errors be damned.

Another thing I loved about baseball was baserunning. I loved Ricky Henderson. Stealing bases just seemed like such an incredible feat. Talking a walk, stealing second and scoring on a single is so beautiful it feels like cheating. Stealing third and scoring on a flyout is like money from home.  I was no base stealer, but I loved smart baserunning. Watching for fielders out of position, getting an extra base, I was all over it.

When I moved to Kansas City in 2000, it was really great because I was a 20-minute drive from the K. Kauffman Stadium was where the Royals played, and you could go there 82 times a year and see a baseball game. You could see the Yankees and the Orioles and the Red Sox. You could even see the Cardinals if you didn't mind a big crowd. (The Yankee crowds were the next biggest, for sure.) I saw just about every AL team in the three years I lived there. It was ten bucks for a bleacher seat, and I could leave my house at 7:00 for a 7:30 game and still see some warm-ups.

In KC I started following a baseball writer named Rob Neyer. Rob published a lot of baseball columns, and he did a personal column about the Royals, of whom he was a fan. He was a disciple of Bill James and talked a lot about sabermetrics. SABR is the Society of American Baseball Research, and learning about sabermetrics was a real eye opener to me. Sabermetricians basically believe that baseball players and games can be broken down to statistical probabilities based on a players numbers. And that certain numbers are much more important than others. Like on-base percentage and slugging versus batting average and RBIs.

The thing that stung the worst is that defense and baserunning, especially steals, are not important statistics in sabermetrics. That hurt. I loved defense and baserunning, and considered them a quintessential part of the game. Yet here I am learning they are essentially meaningless in the eventual outcomes of the game. This sounded like crazy talk. How could I be so wrong?

Well, of course baserunning and defense matter. They just don't matter enough. In general one player is not statistically better enough at baserunning or defense to outweigh a possible difference in any meaningful offensive statistic. Remember how I was a superior defensive player and put a lot of emphasis on baserunning? It didn't get me far, because those qualities just don't matter as much as being able to put the bat on the ball and making it go a long way. Period. Especially at a position like first base.

Steals are the same. Risking a baserunner that can score on the next extra-base hit costs more than would have been earned by the extra base stolen. So you have to steal successfully at a rate better than 50 percent to make it worthwhile. A great deal more than 50 percent. The risk is generally not worth it.

I always hated the whole "bloop and a blast" philosophy of guys like Earl Weaver, but while old Earl didn't know diddly or shit about sabermetrics, yet he was closer to right than a team that tries to leg out a single, bunt him to second then attempts to poke him in with a line drive. The math just doesn't bear that philosophy out. Walks and slugging are more important priorities.

And walks are insidious. Making the pitcher throw pitches is valuable. Get him tired and hit the hell out of him. Sure there are bullpens full of fresh arms, but bullpens get exhausted in long series, and that brief period when a pitcher starts to get tired are opportunities that cannot be overlooked.

I was completely wrong about what was really important about baseball. Crash Davis said, "strikeouts are boring, besides that they're fascist." Called strikes, balls and taking walks are boring too, but going deep into counts and drawing walks makes it far more likely your team will win. Everyone loves to see an amazing defensive play, a diving catch in the outfield or a shortstop that goes miles into the hole and makes the throw. But those plays are just for the highlight reels, they aren't that important in the long run.

I still love baseball. I can't wait for the season to start. One of the best parts of being a baseball fan is that there's still so much to learn about the game. More opportunities to be wrong.

Drive In

"Business For Sale" is a pretty good flick, but "Closed For Winter" isn't NEARLY good enough for them to be showing it for so many weeks in a row!

Joke

Waffles goes to the mediator with his wife. The mediator, after considering their divorce says, "Mr. Waffles, I've considered your case very carefully. I've decided to give your wife $1000 a week."

"I think your decision is very fair," said Waffles. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

Are the Republicans Fucked?

It seems to me that the Republicans have really fucked themselves in the current presidential election. Somehow they've selected three possible candidates that will eat each other and can't possibly win a general election.

Mitt Romney seems front runner-ish. But he's got some serious problems, which is what gives so much steam to any "non-romney."

I don't really know a lot about the party, but it seems like there's a large group that votes along religious lines, and there's a more secular conservative movement that cares more about fiscal policy and more general social issues not dictated by religion.

The more secular cons like Romney, but he's a Mormon, which most fundamentalist Christians seem to regard a cult. Even the more secular Republicans have to be troubled by Romneycare. If their major weapon in the attack on the current administration is the health care reform act, pejoratively called "Obamacare," it would help if their candidate didn't have a government sponsored health care program of his own.

The other contenders are Santorum and Gingrich. Santorum's name is LITERALLY a gay sex joke. It's very hard to take him seriously since he scares the shit ot of everyone except hardcore fundamental Christians. Not to mention the guy oozes latent homosexuality. His only draw for Republicans is that he isn't a poygamist, and I'm not talking about Romney when I say polygamist. Newt had a $500,000 debt at Tiffany and Co. That's a guy that fucks up BIG TIME or very often. Or both.

And its pretty obvious to anyone watching that Newt is only running for the money. Yes, you cannot make money directly by running for president, but Newt has figured out a way to make being a "former presidential candidate" into tens of millions of dollars in income, so he wouldn't want to win, it would prevent him from making any money. I think that's why Palin never even ran, she couldn't stand to suspend the income long enough to have an actual campaign. Just look at her Governorship in Alaska, it was preventing her from making money so she had to get out.

So part of the party hates Romney and would never vote for him, Santorum scares all the rational members, and Gingrich is just a guy standing at an ATM machine. Which one of these guys is going to beat Obama, whose campaign can be reduced to 7 words; "GM is alive, Bin Laden is dead."

Handsome

Someone called me "handsome" today. Well, they didn't really call me handsome, but they  implied it. Maybe I just inferred it. Whatever. I'm taking credit.

Of course they may not have meant it, there's a chance they were just being polite, or having fun at my expense. I'm choosing to not see it that way. I'm choosing to believe that this person genuinely feels that I am a handsome guy. Guys know there is something special that happens in your head and your heart when someone special calls you handsome. There's no feeling in the world like it.

I don't consider myself handsome. I felt uncomfortable when they said it, as though they may be playing a practical joke, or I was some kind of fraud. I do feel like I am looking a lot better these days than I have in the past. I got lasik surgery a few years ago. I've lost nearly 20 pounds since I started working on it last summer. I've found a hair style that I like and my hair has a salt and pepper look that I'm not unhappy about. I'm turning 44 on Sunday, I'm glad to have hair at all. I know some guys in their 20s who would be thrilled with my hair.

Until these things started happening, not only did I not consider myself handsome, I really feel I was ugly. I avoided mirrors, and photographs were out of the questions. For someone who loves taking pictures, especially of people, I appear in very few. I always saw a double chin, crooked squinty eyes hiding behind ugly glasses, and raggedy curly hair that never ever looked stylish. I looked like the nerd I was. Revolting. So even the possibility that someone might think I'm handsome is a gigantic upgrade.

I don't even know what it means to be handsome. But there's a chance I am looking better these days. When I went for my job interview with this company I dressed up very smartly with a bright blue pressed shirt and very snazzy tie, navy blue slacks and comfortable but decently dressy shoes. I caught myself in a full length mirror and thought "not bad." I almost thought I was handsome, and that confidence really worked well for me in the job interview. I was definitely dressing up my hand. But the bluff worked.

Still, I'm not handsome. I need to lose another 20 pounds at least, and my eyes, while a decent shade of blue, still make me cringe if I see them at the wrong angle. My adorable double chin is still there, helped by a scar I earned when I was four. I still look pudgy and boyish, which at my age and weight, is not awful. But I can do better.

Sorry no pics so you can't judge for yourselves. Looks are superficial anyway. That's what all ugly people like me say.

Whitney

Can you believe Whitney Cummings has two new television shows on two different networks....nah just kidding. I'm not posting about Whitney Cummings. Of course I'm posting about the death of Whitney Houston.

I didn't watch the Grammy Awards show this year. (I've never watched it any year.) I assume it was all about Whitney. Every acceptance speech probably mentioned her. Even Chris Brown probably got a few tears in between punches. But was Whitney's death really that tragic?

I suppose it depends on how you measure life. It might seem tragic if all that matters to you is the length. Her life was relatively short. But maybe if you look at Whitney's life as a whole and in a certain way, it wasn't so bad.

Whitney Houston was a superstar from her early twenties. She was absolutely worshipped, not only for her voice, but for her beauty and her sexiness. She may have been one of the most desirable women alive in the 80's. Her performance of the National Anthem brought cheers from the entire country. She made millions from her recordings. She lived almost her entire life in luxury.

And she partied. She obviously spent a great deal of her time seeking pleasure. Sure, people will tell you that living that lifestyle can be greuling and miserable, but it was probably a lot less so for Whitney. I picture her constantly surrounded by entourage and sycophants. If there was pleasure available to anyone, it makes sense it was available for Whitney.

She didn't select a particularly bad way to go out. I'm not even convinced it wasn't intentional. Zanax plus alcohol until you stop breathing while relaxing in a hot bath sounds like one of the most peaceful exits possible. And if the drugs don't finish the job, the water will. Maybe she hated the idea of growing old and ugly, especially as an addict. Perhaps she was facing a future that held no promise for her. She had flown so closely to the sun that coming in for a crash landing didn't appeal to her.

I know I wasn't much interested in what Whitney Houston was going to do with her future fame. She will be beloved, despite the poor example she evidently led as an addict. If you can sing or dance, you will be forgiven anything. It's all the fault of her DISEASE. She was a good person, deep down. Sure she was.

Whitney had a pretty good life. A lot of folks would probably trade with her. Forty eight years of unbelievable talent and beauty? It's almost a no-brainer.

What's sad and tragic about that?

Get Your Head and Your Ass Wired Together

"These are great days we're living bros. We are jolly green giants walking the earth. With guns! These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world we're gonna miss not having anyone around who's worth shooting." --Crazy Earl

I love movies. I'm practically an addict. Around 1987, my favorite movie was definitely Full Metal Jacket.I had no idea movies could be like that. Subversive, funny, perverse, horrifying, sad, disgusting and beautiful. I learned about magic hour from watching Full Metal Jacket.

I wanted to be a professional photojournalist when I was a kid. I gave it a pretty good shot, I just didn't have what it took to be an artist. I confused artistic talent with technical skill. I had the skill but I never took art seriously. I thought it was fun. When I was working as a full time photojournalist people would ask me how it was I always said the same thing, "It's better than working!" I did some good work and got lucky a lot.

So it didn't hurt that a reporter and photographer for Stars and Stripes featured prominently in Full Metal Jacket. I recall watching the film and identifying the still cameras being used. The director, Stanley Kubrick was a former photographer so the gear, just like everything else in the film, were very authentic.

I even asked a girl on a date because she had a Full Metal Jacket poster in her office/darkroom. She was a photographer at a newspaper where I was trying to get a job. I discovered later that the poster wasn't hers, someone had left it up and she didn't know anything about the movie. She was a nice girl, very bright and a good photographer. But she didn't have much of a personality and neither did I, so we didn't have much going on. I was such a nerd. I don't remember much about the date except that I met her roommates when I picked her up and they were all gorgeous. They were so happy that the girl I was picking up was going out on a date.  

It's funny the things you remember when you're watching old movies. I've seen other films that I like as much or even more than Full Metal Jacket. I remember that Full Metal Jacket poster very well. But for the life of me I can't remember that girl's name.

Holy Pants

I need pants.

Two days ago I discovered three pairs of pants simultaneously needed replacement. One pair broke a belt loop, another pair developed holes that look like they were a manufacturing defect, and the other pair I spilled glue on and ruined. I tried removing the glue but that was a disaster. Maybe sandpaper was the wrong tool to try. At least I fixed the $2 item I was working on, even if I did ruin a $30 pair of pants. Nice work!

Anyhow, now that I've exposed my keen abilities in the housekeeping department, I need more pants. My new job requires pants. The dress code is, well it's not really a dress code. You have to figure out how to dress by feel. There's my office, which is pretty casual, jeans and golf shirts are pretty common. There's an operations center down the hall where it's fortunate if they're wearing clothes at all. If you walked in during third shift it wouldn't be a shock to see cut off shorts and a wife-beater. Down the street is the corporate headquarters. I wore a dressy shirt and tie with slacks and I felt under-dressed. Three piece suits are not uncommon, if you're wearing jeans you better be laying carpet or working on the air conditioning.

The vast majority of my work doesn't require me to go to the corporate headquarters, but I have to go over there occasionally. I think I can get away with bringing some nicer clothes to change into if I have to go over there unexpectedly. Right now I dress nicely if I anticipate having to go over there for something.

I love the idea of wearing jeans to work every day. They're just more comfortable. If you're going to ask your employees to spend a lot of time at an office and they don't interact with the public at all, I think you should encourage them to be as comfortable as possible. But then I really like being dressed a bit nicer in an office environment. It gives that little extra flair of professionalism that makes an office a little bit nicer. Plus I just like looking nicer if I can. I usually compromise by wearing jeans but adding a sportscoat or a pressed oxford shirt. Or I wear khakis or some kind of non-denim pants that are more comfortable than dress slacks.

But where do I go for new pants? I usually try to buy everything on the internet, because 1) I'm lazy 2)It's usually cheaper and 3)I'm lazy. But I've been burned buying pants on the internet before. And when I buy something that doesn't turn out how I wanted there's a 50% chance I won't get around to returning it. Have I mentioned that I'm lazy? I have a pair of pants that I've never actually worn that feel like they're made out of fiberglass. Looked great on a computer monitor, stain resistant even! I don't think you could stain them with a magic marker. They're like dry-erase pants.

So I plan on making all my future pants purchases in person. I wasn't sure where to go, until I found out that the "Million Moms" movement is trying to get Ellen DeGeneris removed as a spokesperson for JCPenny. Now I'm no fan of Ellen. I saw a comedy special of hers over a decade ago and thought she was funny, but I've never seen her talk show. If someone wanted her removed because she wasn't funny I'd be okay with that. Or if they wanted her removed because she acts like a cunt, I'm cool. But they want her removed because of her sexual orientation? That's bullshit. How is it anyone's business who Ellen wants to fuck? Also, don't call yourself "Million Moms" unless there are 1,000,000 of you. There's 40k. At least be honest if you're going to call someone out as undesirable. Wanna know what's undesirable? Liars.

So I'm buying some quasi-dressy comfortable yet still appropriate for the office pants from JCPenny.

Mew Zic

One of the perks of the new job, besides the bigger salary (natch) is that I actually have an office, with a door! It's fantastic. For someone who has lived in cubicle land for the bulk of his career, being able to close a door is like gaining a new sense. Now I can close the door and actually use a speaker phone! I don't have to share every conversation, personal or otherwise, with all my co-workers and people who happen to be walking by.

Of course there's a catch. The office is right next to the elevator in this side of the building, so all I hear all day is elevator going up, elevator going down. Hiss and crank. Doors open, doors close, hiss and crank. It's kind of maddening, but my coworkers claim they don't even hear it anymore. I do.

My solution was to bring in a stereo from home. About 10 years ago I bought a bookshelf stereo system and hooked it up to my PC so I could listen to music or movies or games or whatever with decent sound. It actually has a lot of features for a bookshelf stereo, like a dvd player and a wireless remote. I never used it for more than its AUX IN feature. But my desktop PC usage diminished when I stopped playing online poker and WoW. I pretty much survive with laptops, netbooks and tablets now. The desktop is the port of last resort.

One of the beautiful features of the stereo was that it played MP3 files from the disc, which was a DVD. So that's up to 9gigs of music played in random order. It's like a commercial free radio station that only plays songs you like. I burned some collections on DVDs. I had a ball making disks of various artists, discographies and interesting mixes. One DVD is all greatest hits albums, one is top 100 songs from each year in the 70's, etc.

Unfortunately, when I got the unit to the office, the DVD player wasn't functioning. It just says "no disc" no matter what you put in there. It's been so long since I tried it I have no idea when it quit working. I'd replace the system but nobody really makes anything like it anymore. Why would they? An Ipod and a speaker does the work with far less effort.

But that's essentially what I had, an Ipod speaker, except that it sounds better than 99% of those on the market. I grabbed an MP3 player that hadn't really been used in a while (I actually had many to choose from, shamefully) and cleaned the built in disc of random movies and songs that had been stored over the years. I copied several of the DVDs onto the drive and set it for random play. It's a beautiful system because I have the player sitting on my desk with a long wire running to the stereo in the back corner. I can pause if the phone rings, fast forward a track I'm not in the mood for, whatever. It's awesome.

The collection is weird though. I have discographies of Rush, Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones, Supertramp, Alan Parsons Project, Peter Gabriel, Steely Dan, etc. So the bulk of the songs that get played are classic rock standards and deep cuts, with other occasional bands from the greatest hits collections and one disc I called "good albums" shuffled into the mix. There's still room on the player's hard drive, so I can add more music to the 3214 songs that are on there. I haven't put the "top 100" discs on there yet, and I may delete some of the Rolling Stones' albums. They have some amazing stuff, but some are almost embarrassingly bad.

Yes, I'm stuck in classic rock hell and will never listen to anything new this way. If there was a way to listen to new music (youtube?) that wasn't nauseating I might hear some new bands occasionally. This is Nashville, so going out and hearing music means both kinds, country and western. To be honest I most get exposed to "new" music from movie soundtracks and television commercials. So that puts me far behind the curve. But so what? It's all shit since Elliott Smith died anyway.

Too Many Ladies in My Bath

Showers are fine, they'll get you clean and ready for the work day. But on Monday mornings, I like to bathe.

When I lived in Oklahoma, I didn't even have a bathtub in the master bathroom. There was a small tub in the hallway bathroom, but the master bath just had a stand-up shower. I suppose it was sacrificed for the huge walk-in closet, which was nice. I didn't care except that it was as dark as a dungeon. I didn't know what I was missing.


When I moved to Tennessee, I wanted a big-ass master bath. I loved the place in Oklahoma, but it was thirty years old, and didn't have the features some newer homes have. The Tennessee place was brand spanking new, and had some beautiful features you only see in a new home, like an exhaust-free gas fireplace, dual-pane energy efficient easy-to-clean windows, and yes, a gigantic master bath with a big whirlpool tub.

I was looking forward to a nice bathing experience. I filled it with hot water, or as full as I could get it. The water heater couldn't quite fill the tub before running out of hot water. I dropped in some girly-smelling bubble stuff and let the whirlpool jets generate bubbles almost to the elevated ceiling. I got in and...sat. It was a letdown. It wasn't very relaxing, the water was tepid and I was bored.

So the gigantic master bath sat unused for a couple of years. I was kind of pissed. I found out from a lot of people that their big whirlpool bath goes unused. I would have none of it.

First I would address the tepid water issue. I looked into the in-line water heaters, but someone told me that I would be better off just turning up the temperature of my water heater. I looked and sure enough, the heat was set at the lowest setting. I cranked that sucker up to boiling. It's dangerous, you can seriously scald yourself. But there are no children in my house. Sure the heater sits around with hot water cooling off and heating up all day, but it turns out it's pretty efficient and doesn't use that much more energy.

Next I addressed the boredom. I had an extra LCD computer monitor sitting around, so I hooked it up to a DVD player with HDMI output. I mounted the monitor to a swing-arm on the wall and attached a stereo. It's sad that I can't play store-bought DVDs on it, because of retarded copy-protection schemes. Good thing there's fair use.

I tend to sleep in on weekends. I generally awaken zombie style at 6am on weekdays to prepare for the work day. But weekends are for being lazy and sleeping until I can't keep my eyes closed anymore. Sometimes it even screws up my sleep schedule. I'll stay up until the wee hours. Screw morning guy!  He can take it. He's tough. Let's watch Robot Chicken! Whoo!

But even if I've only had a few hours of sleep on Monday morning at 5am I get into a steaming hot bath and soak. I'll usually watch half a movie or a couple of episodes of a TV show. It's so relaxing and feels so good I don't even notice a lack of sleep. Normally if I don't get enough sleep I am nauseated in the mornings (grammar tip: nauseated means you don't feel well. Nauseous means you make others nauseated. Like noxious. If you say "I'm nauseous," you're not saying you're sick, you're saying you're nauseating.)

The only problem with the master bath now is that it has been invaded by ladybugs. Everybody likes ladybugs right? Not me. Especially when they drop in on you out of nowhere when you're naked in the bathtub. What the heck do you do about ladybugs, how are they getting into my bathroom and why? Normally I'd like a lady in tub with me, but not a ladybug. They're kinda nauseous. Ew.

1 Month

It took me almost a full month but I finally figured out a way around the company's internet filter so i can actually read what I post at my blog. So maybe I will post more.

Actually, I figured it out just so i could post a comment a Waffles' blog. Coincidentally it works for mine too.

Plus I think I will be depositing at BCP and playing some poker again. If I can remember how. A full house beats a flush, right? It's been a long time. I may deposit, but I'm not going to encourage too many people to follow my example. I expect the feds will shut the place down shortly so you should only deposit if you are a super small-time player like me, who gets way too much pleasure from watching players playing a four cent big blind game bitching about other players at the table being bad players. I guess they're expecting to be playing against Johnny Fucking Chan at the four dollar buy-in stakes.

So i will try to post more. It could happen.

Cash Blast from the Past

About a million years ago I designed a poker T-shirt and put it on Zazzle.com. I barely even remember the details but the T-shirt is called "Donkeys Always Draw" and after sitting idle for years and years, someone actually bought one!



How strange! Whoever bought it, I hope you like it!

Happy New Year

It's a new year. I have a new job, and a new Android tablet. Mostly I got it as a toy, but I also need it for work as part of my job is getting applications working on tablets like Ipads and other tablets. There are plenty of I pads at work, but this will be the first Android tab.

Hopefully I can incorporate this tablet into my daily life and post some more. Unfortunately my blog is blocked at work (something about the gambling filter, I wish that were still true!) so my posts will have to come at home or I will have to come up with a work around. There are some possibilities already.

Well, this is my first tablet post using the blogger app. It's nice to have a new excuse for all the typos.

Occupy Springfield

I bet you read that in Harry Shearer's voice.

Happy Birthday

If today's your birthday....(you know who you are.)

Have a great birthday.

My Twitter Greatest Hits

Is the song "Stairway to Heaven" offensive to handicapped people?

Hard work never killed anybody, but I'm still not willing to take the risk.

How can Glenn Beck be cancelled? His audience must be the truly stupid, which seems like a very desirable demographic, doesn't it?

Charlie Sheen should be happy. Glenn Beck leaving Fox makes Charlie the second craziest person to lose his television show this year.

I watched the first 3.75 hours of "The Ten Commandments" last night but fell asleep for the last hour. Now I'll never know how it ended.

Sony's slogan for the PS3 is "Do Everything" Apparently "everything" includes "gives away your personal info and maybe credit card numbers."

How does anything STOP trending on twitter? Whenever anything is trending, I click it and all I see is posts that say "why is x trending?"

"Orly Taitz" sounds like something Miami Don does to women he picks up in casinos. "I got behind her and gave her the ol' Orly Taitz."

Wow, all the birthers still hate Obama for some reason. On an unrelated note, Obama is still black.

I wonder what percentage of Americans know that the reason foreign people call us "Yanks" is because it's a wonderful double entendre?

Solving a complicated problem is sooooo satisfying. Until you are completely stymied by the next simple one.

Caffeine is an appetite suppressant. You know what else is an appetite suppressant? FOOD.

Newt had a half million debt at Tiffany & Co.? Dude must have fucked up BAD. Or a lot. Or both.

I'm beginning to think that the best way to prepare for the rapture wasn't maxing out my credit and spending the money on hookers and drugs.

I hate wrestling. I'm just completely bitter. It's fake violence for children. Yet somehow online poker is so horribly wrong it's illegal.

Coworker to fat guy: Did you steal my cake? Fat Guy: Why are you asking me? Coworker: If I was looking for a comb I wouldn't ask a bald guy.

My solution to the content theft problem on the internet is to make my content so bad people won't steal it. Problem solved!

"The Sound of Music" is the most romantic 'guy who fucked the nanny' story of all time.

Fox News has a zero-tolerance policy for on-screen errors? They need a zero-tolerance policy for on-screen fuckwits.

Diana Ross sewed the first American flag with the firing pin taken from her .45 caliber Smith and Wesson automatic. #PalinHistory

TN just passed a law making it illegal to post offensive things on the internet. Penalty is $2500 and 1 yr in prison. I'm deleting my blog.

Everyone who wears more protective gear than me when riding a motorcycle is paranoid. Everyone who wears less than me is a complete maniac.

If you want a joke, here's a one-liner. "I'd rather be waterboarded than read Dick Cheney's new book."

Maybe this is funnier: "Read Dick Cheney's new book? I'd rather be shot in the face."

Futurama Did It

How I Know I'm Afraid of Heights

Just looking at this picture makes me queasy...

My Biker Gang

A group of coworkers and I went on a ride from Nashville to Louisville a few weekends ago. I really enjoyed the trip up there but the rest got in a hurry on the way back. Turns out we were on a deadline that I wasn't aware of.

Had I known I would have broken from the group and headed home myself. I'm sure I could have talked the guy on the red Ninja to come with me at our own pace.

Other than the unexpected urgency I really liked the extended trip. I rode for about six hours on Saturday. One hour getting to Nashville and then joining with them for a 5-hours of riding through Kentucky. The trip home took less than 5 hours of riding, but there was a two-hour stop at a Mexican restaurant where the food was terrible.

I'm not sure I'd choose the same company for another trip, but I'd definitely be up for something longer distance. I've put 12,000 miles on my Honda since I bought it 14 months ago, and it was in the shop for almost a month this spring. If I lived in a slightly nicer climate, I'd consider being one of those "bike-only" guys.

Common Knowledge

There is no evidence that Vikings wore horns on their helmets.
Marie Antoinette, who was the Queen of France and husband to Louis XVI during the French Revolution, never actually used the phrase “let them eat cake” when she heard that the French peasantry was starving.
George Washington did not have wooden teeth. They were actually made of gold, hippopotamus ivory, lead, and animal teeth, including horse and donkey teeth.
The signing of the United States Declaration of Independence occurred on August 2, 1776, not July 4.
Napoleon Bonaparte was not particularly short in comparison to other French men and did not have a Napoleon complex.
A common misconception is that you must wait at least 24 hours before filing a missing person’s report, this is not true.
Entrapment laws in the United States do not require police officers to identify themselves.
Sushi doesn’t mean “raw fish” and not all sushi includes raw fish.
If a person swallows chewing gum, it doesn’t take seven years to digest. Chewing gum is mostly indigestible, but it still passes through the digestive system and out of your body.
A person who has used LSD more than seven times is not insane.
One hit of marijuana doesn’t have the carcinogen effects of an entire cigarette. The largest study of its kind by the University of California found that people who smoke marijuana are no more likely to develop lung cancer than non-smokers. In fact, some studies have shown that marijuana may actually reduce the risk of some cancers by as much as 61%.
It is commonly claimed that the Great Wall of China is the only human-made object visible from the Moon. This is false. City lights were the only feature reported to be visible.
Seasons are not caused by the Earth being closer to the Sun in the summer. They are the result of the Earth being tilted on its axis.
Meteorites are not hot, but cold when they hit the earth.
The claim that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo is false.
Houseflies do not have an average lifespan of 24 hours. The average lifespan of a housefly is 20 to 30 days.
Bulls are not enraged by the color red, which is used in capes by professional matadors. The movement of the fabric is what irritates the bull and causes them to charge.
Shaving doesn’t cause hair to grow back thicker or darker. Hair which has never been cut has a tapered end and after cutting the hair the taper is lost making the new hair sharp.
Alcohol doesn’t make a person’s body temperature warmer.
Eating less than an hour before swimming doesn’t increase the risk of experiencing muscle cramps or drowning. Drowning is often thought to be a violent struggle, where the victim waves and calls for help. In truth, drowning is often inconspicuous to onlookers. The instinctive drowning response doesn’t show prior evidence of distress.

Desire

In general I only desire things for what they can actually do for me. It's unusual that I want something purely for aesthetic reasons. Please bear in mind I am talking about THINGS. Not another subject, which is another subject.

The exceptions to this rule are motorcycles and cameras. I love retro cameras and I want to own them all. I love them for how they look AND what they can do. I don't want an old Leica Rangefinder. I used to have a Postwar 3C and while it was cool I didn't find it particularly useful and sold it at a camera show. This is exactly what it looked like:

What I love is the new Leica M9 or the Fuji X100. They look like old 35mm Rangefinder cameras, but they are actually very modern sophisticated digital cameras.

This Fuji looks cool right? It's actually a pretty decent 10MP digital camera. No way on earth it's worth $1200 but that's what lusting after something is all about right? They have to be somewhat out of reach. The Leica M9 is even more so, retailing for around $9000. Very awesome, very not what I want to spend for a digital camera.











I do have the same preoccupation with motorcycles. I love new bikes with old styling. I appreciate the looks of the actual old bikes, but just like with digital cameras the technology just makes so much better.

This 2011 Honda Shadow is a beautiful bike to me. It looks like it could have been made in 1976 with the bicentennial colors and the spoke wheels. But it will run like a 2011 fuel injected Honda.

I also really like Royal Enfield. These are 2011 motorcycles made in India.  Modern bikes with modern technology, but with a look borrowed from the past. It's like someone opened a box of WWII surplus that traveled through time and had a modern engine installed in it.















Car manufacturers have been trying this trick lately too, with the Camaros and Mustangs, Minis and Fiat 500s. Some people would say they do it because they've run out of new ideas. I don't know if I'd agree with that. I just think they're recognizing that some ideas that have happened before were really good ideas.

Reruns

I was reading through my own blog looking for something when I stumbled upon this post from 2004(!):

...I was playing at an Intertops Freeroll around 10:00 and I thought about the blogger table. I knew SirFWALman always played at these things and always with his actual name, so I searched for him. Sure enough, he was at a table full of bloggers. When otis took off it opened up a spot for me.

How was the table? BRUTAL with a capital BRUTAL. 98% of hands were raised pre-flop. Even more flops were bet. A huge number of bluffs, and an even larger number of suck-outs. AA was garbage (except when I raise into it with my 72.)...

...I do not reccomend the blogger table, unless you just want to show off and have fun. The blogger tourneys are a better idea. I'm not sure why they don't play a weekly league or something, if all of them show up so regularly every night. There was Iggy, Pauly, Otis, Poker Prof, Maudie, the aforementioned SirF, and a bunch of others I can't remember. All funny guys, but playing at these small stakes makes them pretty crazy.

Wow what a blast from the past. That's some serious old-school shit right there, we weren't even calling Waffles Waffles yet. Good thing we started because I misspelled his name there. I'm amazed that I can read entire posts and have no idea what or whom I was writing about. It's like it was written by a stranger, but definitely in my voice. Very unsettling.

Long Night, Work Early

Scooterific

I've been trying to move the content direction of this site from Online Poker more towards my other interests, which are Video Games and Scooters.

So here's some scooter content, courtesy an ad from Zappos.

Coq au Vin

When on vacation, I like to cook. I like to try at least one new thing. This time it was Coq Au Vin, which is French for "Rooster with Wine." I definitely strayed from the recipe and made it my own. It was very easy and it turned out very well. The folks I was serving raved about it. I thought it was very good, but not incredible. I may try it again with a different wine.

Surf's Up

Oh yeah...

I must have been very busy vacationing because I didn't notice that the seventh anniversary of this blog went by. Woosh!

Not a very happy anniversary with online poker being all but dead in the US. This blog hasn't been about poker in a long time anyway, it's just an artifact of what originally brought a lot of us together. I might could have kept poker alive for myself if there was any place to play it near where I live, but Tennessee, while being fantastic for other reasons, really sucks on the poker front.

Don't expect this blog to go away though. I've always considered it my online journal, not just for poker nonsense. I'm trying to make an effort to take more pictures and post them, and hopefully I will come up with a new hobby that's blog friendly. I never thought World of Warcraft was a blog compatible hobby. While very entertaining, it just wasn't an original kind of experience I felt the need to blog about very often.

What's Going On

I still read blogs, but I have no idea what's going on. People used to talk about what was happening with them, but now I'm just getting cryptic messages that bring up more questions than they answer.

Apparently someone is going to prison? And someone that used to be linked to him is getting a new apartment but hasn't said anything about getting a job to pay for it? Weirdness. Nobody has ever offered to pay me to not live with them anymore.

Things with me are pretty much the same. I'm on vacation for a week in Florida and it has been very relaxing. It started out rough. For the first few days all I could think about was things going on at work and what I was going to have to do when I got back. But eventually all that melted away and I can enjoy the sunshine and water. I'm very lucky to have a completely stress free place to come and get away from all that hassle.

I did get one work call from someone who was on a work site and didn't know I was on vacation. I guess if you give someone your cell phone number you run that risk. I was happy to help him though because he's helped me out multiple times.

I have to go back on the fifth, which means driving on Independence Day. At least it was an extra vacation day without using more precious "Paid Time Off" days.

My company did a thing where they consolidated sick days with vacation days and call it "PTO." I don't know if people were abusing the unlimited sick day policy or what. I never took a sick day so it didn't really affect me. Especially since I work on projects, so if you take a day off that's just another day of work you have to make up later. It's not like the deadline changes because you take a sick day. We are allowed to work from home occasionally so if I actually did get sick I'd probably just do that. I should work from home more often just in general to save a few bucks on gas occasionally.

And here I am talking about work again, when I should only be concerned with enjoying my vacation. I'll probably go out on the boat or go swimming in a little bit. I need to return some movies to redbox and come up with something to create for dinner. Earlier I made my Lasagne Bolognese that was a huge hit, I don't want a let down after that performance.

Poker Is Happening In India & Fundoo Poker Is There

Guest post by Dawn

At the end of April, 2011, Card Player India released the names of its 49 top poker players from India for the year 2010, and FundooPoker was there with the story, posting the entire list of names from Card Player India Player of the Year Award winner Abhishek Goindi on down.

Fundoo Poker provides an updated list of all the upcoming poker tournaments taking place in India, such as last month's India Poker Series - Chapter 6, India Poker Open and Aces Unlimited tournaments, all of which, by the way, took place in Goa. When their times come round, the India Poker Championship, IPRT, Raining Aces and The Shark events will all be featured on Fundoo Poker.

Goa is the seat of live poker in India and on Fundoo Poker you can learn everything you ever wanted to know about this poker capital, including how it got that way, how to get there, where to play poker there and what else to do while you're there. Fundoo Poker is was also covering the Grand Opening Event of the India Poker Pros at the Casino Royale in Goa, last June 23 - 26, 2011. We offered a link to a special satellite tournament series into the India Poker Pros Grand Opening Event at 888 Poker, one of the poker rooms endorsed by Fundoo Poker for Indian players.

India Poker series is also one of the tournaments that Indian players are excited about, Chapter six of this series has just ended and next one will start on July 2011. Rest assured that Fundoo Poker being one of the few poker portal in india that gives you everything when it comes to poker, will keep you bits of news and updates on what’ s happening, where it is happening and hot it happened.

Whether the news is local to India, such as Mubina Rattonsey becoming the first woman to win the India Poker Championship earlier this month or the announcement that the next Aces Unlimited tournament in Goa was just scheduled for August 25 - 28, 2011, or it's general world poker news, such as the results of the currently-running World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, Nevada, and the best poker rooms in India that offers freerolls and the poker promotions, Fundoo Poker is there with the story and with the information needed.

Toby Maguire Sued Over Poker Winnings

I think he cheated. His Spider-sense told him I had a full house.

Toby Maguire sued over poker winnings.

Maguire is being sued for $311,000 plus interest that the lawsuit says was won by the actor in the poker matches.

No relation to Dr. Pauly, I assume. I think they spell it differently. Or at least capitalize differently.

Oldies and Shoes

I prefer the old songs. They were just more from the heart. Like the old Elvis/Carl Perkins song "Blue Suede Shoes."

Now that song had really deep meaning. It tells the story...well, the feelings of a fellow that really loves his shoes. He loves the HELL out of his shoes. He even says "You can burn my house, steal my car, even drink my liquor from an old fruit jar," rather than mess up his shoes. Are those three things really equivalent? Felony arson, grand theft auto, and drinking cocktails from non-approved drinking vessels? You may also knock him to the ground and step on his face. Assault? Check. Slander is also preferable to harming his favorite footwear.



I happen to be wearing Vans today. I like them an awful lot. They are also made out of leather, and that particular variety of cow skin happens to be suede which is dyed blue. I am quite fond of them. You cannot, however, do any of those aforementioned things to me instead of stepping on my Vans. If the choice is between arson, assault, theft, slander and stepping on my shoes, scuff these suckers up. Stomp away.

I have had shoes I really loved before. I once got a pair so comfortable I almost immediately started looking online for a location to buy another pair when those wore out. They were THAT comfy. I couldn't find them, so those shoes became "special." Not worn on days when rain is predicted. Not for motorcycle riding. Those shoes remind me of a story someone told me about a time he went to the dentist and got prescribed some pills. After he took one he immediately counted them. Yeah, he wanted to know how many times he was gonna get THAT feeling. He was gonna savor those pills. He NEEDED to know EXACTLY how many he had, and he needed to know right away. I sorta felt that way about the shoes. As you get older how shoes feel begins being more and more important than how they look.

Yet even those shoes can take a stomping before you burn down my home. Or make off with my Mini. Carl Perkins wrote the song in 1955. That dude must have known a seriously good cobbler.

Scenic

I had a nice scenic ride home today. It was a bit warm but you didn't notice if you kept moving. I stopped long enough to grab a couple of pics.



This is pretty typical of my view on the way home. I could take interstates all the way, but I think I'd crash from the boredom.

I took this one because it reminds me of a joke:


"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a cunt."

Wrong Move

I decided to try a totally different way home yesterday. A little out of the way, but I was on the scoot so more riding is sometimes better. When I hit this I realized this may not be the best route.



That's not even construction traffic or anything. It's about three miles of everyday rush hour backup at one intersection.

Back

The Scooter is back, and it's better than ever.

New belt, new tires, new pulleys and new CVT cover mean it's like having a whole new transmission. The old one had some flaps and vibration in it, but now it's very smooth and much more comfortable. The ride home from the shop last night was very pleasant and the ride into work this morning was even better.

Protection

In my job we work around a lot of electricity. It can be dangerous, so there's a policy that every employee must carry "personal protection equipment" with them at all times. We carry them around in these big Pelican camera cases. Here's mine:



I don't carry the full set since I'm just a software engineer. They originally wanted me to carry the full set and it was a fight to get the policy changed, but with airline baggage fees and the cost of most of the equipment, it just made more sense to give us software guys a smaller, far cheaper set of PPE.

Anyway, all the cases start to look alike so to make mine stand out from the crowd, I applied stickers. Here's my favorite:

Ugly One

Today's pic is one I took of a missing bolt from my cheap chinese scooter. I've been using it since my big scoot is in the shop and it's becoming apparent that there are some important parts missing. Amazingly it still goes down the street pretty good, but I'm not sure if these things were missing all along or they've been falling out as I go.

Happy Clean Car

Those "do-it-yourself" car washes only do an adequate job getting your car clean, but they're fast and convenient.

New Froot!

This sign tells me one of three things:
1. People who shop at this store are too nice to tell the people that work there that the word "cantaloupe" has been misspelled on their sign for an entire week.
2. People who shop at this store are too stupid to know that the word "cantaloupe" is misspelled on the sign.
3. There's a new fruit I've never heard of called a "cantouple."

In Tennessee...

In Tennessee, this doesn't necessarily mean the store owner's name is "White."

But I did make a purchase:

Repairs

Friday started out as a beautiful day.

My first day of work at the new job was one year ago. The company sponsors a big picnic in the spring with softball and other games, free lunch and the entire day outdoors. My first day last year was picnic day. Friday was picnic day number two for me. A personal milestone. I survived some rough times and have started to flourish, mostly because I am working alone on projects instead of relying on others.

The idea was to meet some fellow cyclists at work at 7:30 am and head out for breakfast. After breakfast we'd ride to the park and arrive as a big group of two-wheeled fury. Only five showed up, so much for the fury.

I watched a softball game, played some bocce ball, ate my free lunch (very sub-par and they ran out of food so some went hungry) and hopped back on the scooter to head for the office. There were some important emails I was expecting.

On the bridge spanning Percy Priest Lake I heard a high pitched noise coming from behind me. At first I thought a police car had pulled very close and turned on his siren, it was so loud and so close. But there was nothing in my mirrors. The sound was almost deafeningly loud, and it was coming from my rear wheel. As soon as I was across the bridge I pulled over and checked things out. The bike would still move, but just barely, and the noise was horrifying.

I called AAA for a tow but it turns out I had forgotten to add the $35 Motorcycle coverage to my account, so I had to pay $125 for the tow. The tow was for 22 miles because two closer motorcycle repair shops had gone out of business. The truck that showed up after three hours was big enough to haul a tractor trailer. It looked pretty silly with my little scooter perched up there. I was tempted to flag down one of the fifty lawn mower trailers that cruised by and offer them $50 to take me to the shop.

Today I am lobster red from sitting in the sun waiting for the tow-truck to show up. I tend to break out in hives when I get sun burned. Today is no exception. I did get the pleasure of watching the rehearsals for Saturday's Air Show at the Smyrna Airport. I got to see some pretty cool stunts as I sat there and wondered if I would die from exposure before the truck showed up. My skin looks pretty gross, unless you are WAY into connect-the-dots.

Now I am waiting for the repair shop to call me with the damage. If it is indeed the variator belt like I am hoping it will probably cost around $200. If it is something else we'll see. Since they appear to be the only local shop that can help me, I suppose I am at their mercy.

The Oatmeal

Click pic to check out The Oatmeal. Very funny stuff.

Certifiable

I am now certified in CPR and First Aid. Well, technically I was already certified because I took the training last year. My company requires it. I guess because of all the high voltage we work with they want us to be able to perform CPR on our coworkers if they receive a shock. Even though most of the levels we work with will vaporize a person instantly. I've seen pictures, we have to take Safety Training too and they have a film that's just like the "Blood On The Streets" one you had to take in Driver's Ed, only for electricity. It's very gross. Electrical wounds are disgusting because they burn you from the inside.

By "we" I mean people who work at my company. If I actually thought I had to work with electricity like someone folks here do or the utility people do, I'd quit in a second. I'm a software engineer. The five volts that power this keyboard I'm typing on makes me nervous. My boss hates it when I tell people I'm not qualified or experienced with electrical issues. He knows it's true, he just wants me to keep it to myself whenever possible. I don't want any misunderstanding...I work with bits and bytes, not volts and amps.

The most interesting thing to me about the CPR and First Aid training is how it changes every year. One year you give breaths first, next year you give chest compressions first. Unless it's a child. They keep making changes so there's no possible way I will remember after a few days. The CPR success rate is amazingly poor anyway. It's better than zero, but not a lot. Maybe it also keeps people from feeling useless around someone having cardiac arrest.

The little defibrillator machines are very cool though. First they have an analysis mode where they determine if your heart is in ventricular fibrillation, where your heart is beating out of synch so it won't pump blood through the ventricles properly, or if you are in ventricular tachycardia where your heart is beating too fast too pump anything. Then it performs the heart equivalent of a reboot. It shocks you and stops your heart, which then hopefully restarts correctly. The success rates of these things are amazingly high, something like 70% of people who get one when having a cardiac arrest survive. Makes me want to carry one with me everywhere. Maybe someday they will build them into cell phones.

So if your heart attacks you and I'm around, you can accept a big smooch from me.

Geek Excitement

When I moved to Tennessee in 2006 I chose a rural area to live in. I don't regret that decision because I love my house, I think it was a bargain and perfect for what I wanted. Lots of land, very private.

One obstacle to overcome was broadband internet. In the backwoods of Tennessee there are some innovative solutions to the lack of internet problem. Cable TV was available, but no internet. Satellite internet wouldn't work, too much latency. My range to the wireless towers wasn't quite "line of sight" enough for those solutions. My only choice was DSL through the small and very old fashioned telephone carrier for my area. That meant getting a phone I did not want and paying nearly $100 per month for very slow, very spotty performing broadband internet.

My previous experience with DSL was not bad. I had it in Kansas City when the house I was renting was less than a hundred yards from the nearest switch. The downloads speeds were lightning fast, there was virtually no latency and I don't remember it ever going down.

When I called Mom and Pop's Olde Telephone Company here, they said "we're not sure you're in range, but we'll send Bill out with his truck and see if it will work." I appreciated the effort and the home grown service, but since DSL is dependent on proximity I was not anticipating incredible speeds.

And I got what I expected. Poor download rates and nearly non-existent upload speeds. But it was a connection to the series of tubes, even if it was barely better than dial-up.

I called the local cable company and asked when cable internet would be available at my address. "Next summer," they said. I was calling in October, so I thought, I can put up with this horrible service for 10 months if I have to.

Four season changes later and "next summer" turned into "maybe next summer" and then "maybe the one after that." I even had to endure advertising cards in my mailbox promising fast speeds and cheap prices, only to learn that it didn't include my rural country road.

On Saturday I received another teaser of fast cheap internet, and on a whim I followed up and GLORY BE! It is now actually available at my address! I made the appointment for the next earliest time, which is between 1-3 today. In as soon as 10 minutes from now, I could actually have the connection of my dreams!

Wanna Home TheATER?

I rode my scoot to work yesterday for the first time since last year. It was 41 degrees when I left the house for the 46 mile trek and it was a little too cold for it. The ride would have been a bit more comfortable if I had some better leg protection than my jeans. I couldn't stop shivering for about an hour after I got to work.

The ride home was perfect, temps in the high 50s and sun just barely setting when I got to the supermarket to pick up some pasta. I blame Drizz for mentioning the FSM on twitter yesterday. You can't resist the spaghetti goodness when the master beckons.

As I was packing up my groceries in my scoot's trunk a guy drove by in a big black pickup truck and yelled to this nearby black dude "You want a home theATER?" He really emphasized the "ATER" when he yelled it, about five times. "We got an extra one in the back!." The black dude started walking toward the redneck, past three women who were standing in the lot talking. One of the women yelled to the redneck "I just saw you guys on the news on Channel 2! They said you were running a scam!"

The black dude laughed and turned around to go into the store. The redneck yelled some southern profanity at the woman that I'm not familiar with and drove off, deeper into the supermarket parking lot. I put on my helmet and gloves and got ready to drive away.

The redneck yelled his White Van Scam Details to some other victim who walked over to his truck, unaware of what just happened at the front of the store. The woman yelled in his direction but I guess he was too far to hear. She gave up but I drove that direction and stopped behind the guy and said "This is a scam man, don't fall for it." The redneck looked at me with hatred as I sped off.

States Visited

I made this map at http://www.epgsoft.com/VisitedStatesMap/ and it really struck me as odd. Obviously I've not spent time in the Northwest but how the hell have I not been to Iowa? Maybe I have and I can't remember, but I lived in Kansas City for three years and never went that direction.

I didn't just list states that I've driven through or flown over, I only listed states that I went to a specific destination there. For example I've been to Washington State, the airport I spent two hours in was beautiful. That doesn't count, I didn't go to Washington on purpose. I counted Maine though, because I was in New Hampshire and I said "I want to go to Maine" so I crossed the state line just so I could say I've been to Maine. I really can't think of another reason to go there. Which also explains why I've never been to Iowa.

Infographics are cool

I Told You I Was a High Stakes Player...

Baltimore Co. police bust illegal poker game in Edgemere
Undercover officer participated in game before raid
February 16, 2011|By Justin Fenton, The Baltimore Sun

Baltimore County police arrested five men after an undercover detective infiltrated an illegal high-stakes poker game in Edgemere, records show.

Police say "Texas Hold 'Em" games were held regularly at the Lynch Point Social Club in the 3100 block of Roger Road, where organizers were making as much as $1,500 in profit a night, according to charging documents.

After receiving a tip, officers conducted surveillance at the club and later sent an undercover detective inside, who participated in a game with a $65 buy-in. The detective played for hours — leaving after he lost all his chips, records show.

A tactical unit conducted a raid on the club Feb. 11, seizing poker chips, electronic gambling machines and a surveillance system, among other items. Forty-one people were inside at the time of the raid.

Michael Benton Gilbert, 35, of the 3100 block of Lynch Road admitted to running the poker games and was given money by the club to pay off winners, police wrote in charging documents. He is charged with several counts related to organizing an illegal gambling operation, as well unlawfully possessing a slot machine, and was released from jail on his own recognizance, records show.

Others charged were: Brian Stitt, 40; Neil Sung-Jin Yi, 27; Jeffrey Cho Lee, 25; and Theodore Raymond Boccia, 50. Police say they acted as card dealers.

"These are financial crimes, and while it might appear on the surface that it's harmless, it festers into other crimes," said Lt. Robert McCullough, a county police spokesman.

Reached for comment, Gilbert referred questions to his attorney, Andrew Alperstein, who said Gilbert had no criminal record and "looks forward to resolving the case."

"In some of these types of cases, police have found other things, like drugs, or things of that nature, but there's none of that in this case," Alperstein said. "This is a wholesome group of working people playing poker. [Gilbert] is just a regular guy, has no record and supports his family."

From The Baltimore Sun

I had no earthly idea the playing poker led to illegal drug use and "other things." Had I known, I never would have started playing.

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Goodbye

Goodbye Dervish. You were a great dog. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to spoil you one last time. I wanted to really badly.

I miss you like crazy.

Will the crosshairs be over you next?

Sarah Palin, always the victim, is now claiming she has been slapped with a "blood libel." She claims that the "mainstream media" is accusing her of "accessory to murder" in the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords and others. She claims her comments had "no connection" to the shooter and any connection between her violent imagery and the shootings is "impossible." It's all a "blood libel" by her opponents to "shut her up."

Look, I understand why Sarah Palin uses tough-guy violent imagery in her campaigns. She's a woman, and she's afraid that some people will think she's not tough. Especially within her constituency where gun laws, hunting and national defense are outright obsessions.

But how can you say that the use of violent imagery and rhetoric had zero influence on the shooting? I could agree if you said it probably didn't, you could go so far as to say it almost certainly didn't. But zero? That's impossible to prove.

Violent imagery has been used in politics forever. States in question are "battleground" states. Campaigns are often called "fights." But using actual crosshairs? Saying things like "Don't retreat. Reload?" Those probably go a little bit farther than she intended when trying to sound tough. They could be confused by some people to mean "if we can't beat them at the polls, don't let that stop you." It's probably harmless. But why take the chance?

Nobody is trying to shut Sarah Palin up. Again, she's misinterpreting the First Amendment that protects her freedom of speech. She thinks it protects her from criticism.

No rational person thinks she should be stopped from saying whatever she wants. Nobody is saying she shouldn't be able to use whatever imagery she wants to create whatever public persona she desires. Short of saying "Please go out and kill anyone that disagrees with me," she can say whatever she wants. The First Amendment actually does protect that.

But in her over-the-top violent imagery and her absolute unwillingness to back down from it one bit, she's displaying the worst possible character trait for someone in her profession. Poor judgment. Judgment is all we elect people for. It's the only real qualification a politician can have. And this woman continues to show poor judgment over and over and over again.

Congrats to Change100

I always thought that Change100 had the best online/blogger name of all time.

Now she also has the 2011 PCA Ladies Event Championship!

Congrats!

Craziness

Things are absolutely crazy here lately. As I predicted my two projects are coming to a head at the same time, so before the end of the month I have to commission projects in Kalamazoo Michigan and Conway Arkansas. I'll be spending a week in Michigan for sure, hopefully I can get Arkansas done much quicker because I have remote access and can get some stuff done from here.

I'm definitely not complaining. Being busy is sure better than being unemployed. I'm really getting a good handle on this product and I'm the first one from the group that got hired when I did so I'm getting the bulk of the work while the others catch up. The only reason I'm ahead is I was willing to put myself out there. When they asked for volunteers to go on that first trip everyone else ducked their heads and I said "I'll go." The best way to learn this stuff is to do it, and even though I was almost entirely clueless, I jumped in with both feet. Luckily I didn't sink.

This work gives me a pretty good feeling actually. Before I was in an industry that I didn't especially like, mostly because it always felt like it was headed straight down the toilet. The new job is actually helping places manage their energy better, mostly by monitoring their electricity usage. It's a growth industry, and it's actually green.

Hurray for me. Now back to work. I'm supposed to be working remotely on a server in Arkansas, but I got cut off and the guy who needs to reconnect me had to run an errand. So I thought I'd pop a quick post to let everyone know where I went.

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Merry Whatever

Whatever it is you're celebrating this time of year, I hope it is a great one!

Offensive

"Also, back to the Ferrari for a minute, there was that brief controversy about people who I thought were friends getting offended when they felt the wife and I were either bragging or ungrateful for the success we've had in life. That bothered me a lot more than it should. I had these brief fantasies about totally shutting down, but I like too many of you to let a few naysayers get to me. I once heard that successful people could only have successful friends because everyone else just ends up being a drag (actually, it was that rich people could only have rich friends, but if I imply we're rich I'll get more detractors and the wife will scream, "No we're not!")." - Dr Chako

I'm guilty. I'm one of the people who said mean things about Dr. Chako. I throw myself on the mercy of the court.

I'm not one of Dr Chako's friends, however. I'm definitely not one of the people "he thought were friends" whatever that means. I don't know him. People I do know say he's a wonderful person, and I have no reason to doubt that. If they say he's good people, that's good enough for me.

But let's face it. Some of the things he has posted are a tiny bit offensive. Not huge sins. Absolutely not "HOLY SHIT WHAT AN ASSHOLE" offensive. Just a tiny bit of "that's just not quite right" offensive.

Examples? Hmm. Posts about his "Ferrari fetish." Saying things like "The least expensive house on my block is worth $1.5 Million." The drama about his wife's job.  Trouble with the live-in servants. His job search and his lengthy commute. Everybody's life has shit, but for some reason a lot of his seems very shallow to me.

Nobody thinks he's "bragging" or "ungrateful." Nobody wishes any ill for him or his family. Nobody resents him for what he has. The bad news is that he is rich, no matter what his Vice President at HP wife says. (HP is a completely evil corporation btw, but that's beside the point. Maybe she's trying to remove the evil from the inside. I don't know.)

But why can't people who find things he says occasionally offensive be his friends? Why should he care if anyone's offended by how he talks about his life? His life is what it is. His troubles are absolutely as important to him as yours are to you and mine are to me. I write offensive things all the time. Everybody doesn't like me, and I can live with that. If I have ever written anything that's offensive to you, rest assured you are still allowed to be my friend, if you want. (I've no idea why you would, but that's your prerogative.)

Look, people are struggling out there. A person I know has been unemployed for two years with no unemployment benefits because he was a contract employee. He's 60 years old and all alone. He's losing his house and trying to sell his vehicle to pay for food. Trouble with the Au Pair just doesn't seem like a crisis to me by comparison. And I know, if you have an Au Pair and there's trouble, it probably sucks. But maybe you should keep some of those troubles to yourself?

I understand it's an online journal and you write about what's happening to you. But there's a fine line between talking about your life and whining about trivial things. Of course he's free to write about whatever he wants and if anyone doesn't like it they don't have to read it. Part of that freedom means others are equally free to criticize him. You take the bad with the good.

I'm sorry if I'm "a drag" because I'm not rich. I actually think I'm a moderately successful person. It was touch-and-go for me for a while, but I got lucky and caught a break. I had a very close look at a future that wasn't very bright, and I sympathize with the people who are facing that themselves. I don't resent anything Doc has. I'm not jealous of his life at all. I wouldn't trade places with him for a second. I have friends that are far more successful than me. I also have friends that are not. I don't think all rich people can only hang out with other rich people. But certain ones probably should.

I'm sure if I actually met the Doc I would like him. I'm almost positive he doesn't come across in his blog like he is in real life, at least not all the time. I'm sure that after what I've written he wouldn't like me. I'm sure he'll be offended by this. I'm offensive. It's what I do.

All I'm asking is, try to think about the people out there who are struggling and aren't sure where they're going to live next month before talking about how unhappy you are that your Ferrari is in the shop again. Is that too much to ask?

Everybody loves a Ferrari. Show off your Ferrari. Don't talk about Ferrari problems. Your Ferrari is in the shop? I know almost nothing about them but I thought that's what they did.

I have a ton of trivial problems in my life. Little shit that someone who is really struggling would find shallow and offensive. But I don't blog about them.

That's what twitter is for.

P.S. I know I'm an asshole for saying these things, but it's really what I think. Everybody out there that loves Doc and hates me, you're absolutely right, he's a better person than me. You don't have to tell me in comments, I already know.

NetBookery

Over a year ago I bought a Netbook, kind of on a whim. It's a fun little toy, good for browsing the internet and other minor tasks. It didn't quite have the horsepower to play streaming video, but it was good for listening to music and playing online poker.

When Windows 7 came out I decided to give it a shot on the netbook. The install wasn't unpleasant, it seemed to run alright. As time went on it seemed to grow less and less stable, at first browsers would crash, then the whole OS would blue screen. I never really did any serious computing on it, just looking things up on Wikipedia or IMDB, so random crashes didn't bother me too much.

One day I got a wild hair and decided to load Ubuntu on it. If you don't already know, Ubuntu is a Linux distribution that installs like Windows on computers and has a nice pretty interface that's fairly intuitive. I really liked the change of pace and I especially liked how stable it was. They make a build specifically for Netbooks and it seemed to install seamlessly and run much faster and smoother than Windows ever did. Even streaming video was tolerable. This came in very handy for things like YouTube videos demonstrating how to do a valve adjustment on Scooter #2. When you can carry the wireless computer right into the garage and watch the video while you're looking right at the parts that need adjusting, it's a whole new world.

Ubuntu can even run some Windows applications through an emulator called WINE. (I believe it's short for WINdows Emulator. They're creative like that.) Alas, poker software would not run on Wine for more than a few minutes before it crashed.

I was pretty happy with Ubuntu otherwise, and rarely booted into Windows. Which meant no poker. Everytime I loaded up Windows 7 I would poke around for a little while and if I left the netbook to go do something else, I would come back and it was booted into Linux. Ubuntu was the default OS selection and that meant Windows had crashed again and the computer had reset itself. I couldn't even trust it enough to play poker on it.

Poking around on it last weekend I discovered the partition on the hard drive that held the original install files. I experimented with it and discovered I could run the install without disturbing my Ubuntu install. Off I went, back to Windows XP.

For some reason it ran much smoother than I remember. Maybe I had adjusted to the crashes so much that I forgot how solid XP ran on the machine. Since it was running smoother I decided to play some online poker again. I tried some Rush Poker on Full Tilt, and it worked flawlessly. I even dragged a few pots. I fired up some O8 ring games on PokerStars and again it was crash free, and I managed to find the same old fire-on-every-street-with-nothing donkeys that inhabit the low limit O8 games.

The true test came last night, I actually entered a Tournament. It wasn't a huge deal because if the netbook became crashy I could switch to my desktop to finish. But the little-computer-that-could didn't even flicker as I played the Mookie for 3 hours and split first place. Fifty-two bucks (minus the 11 entry) in my pocket, this netbook is finally paying for itself!

The Mookie is still a fun tournament with enjoyable people just playing poker to have a good time. I recognized a couple of names from the old times, amazing since I haven't played a Mook in eons. I even won some pots with the hammer, once when I was the smallest stack out of three remainders.

Next week I'm on vacation for Thanksgiving, and it will be really nice to have the old netbook running right as rain again.

Failbook - consistently funny

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Eight False Things The Public “Knows” Prior To Election Day

From Campaign for America's Future

By Dave Johnson

There are a number things the public "knows" as we head into the election that are just false. If people elect leaders based on false information, the things those leaders do in office will not be what the public expects or needs.

Here are eight of the biggest myths that are out there:

1) President Obama tripled the deficit.

Reality: Bush's last budget had a $1.416 trillion deficit. Obama's first budget reduced that to $1.29 trillion.

2) President Obama raised taxes, which hurt the economy.

Reality: Obama cut taxes. 40% of the "stimulus" was wasted on tax cuts which only create debt, which is why it was so much less effective than it could have been.

3) President Obama bailed out the banks.

Reality: While many people conflate the "stimulus" with the bank bailouts, the bank bailouts were requested by President Bush and his Treasury Secretary, former Goldman Sachs CEO Henry Paulson. (Paulson also wanted the bailouts to be "non-reviewable by any court or any agency.") The bailouts passed and began before the 2008 election of President Obama.

4) The stimulus didn't work.

Reality: The stimulus worked, but was not enough. In fact, according to the Congressional Budget Office, the stimulus raised employment by between 1.4 million and 3.3 million jobs.

5) Businesses will hire if they get tax cuts.

Reality: A business hires the right number of employees to meet demand. Having extra cash does not cause a business to hire, but a business that has a demand for what it does will find the money to hire. Businesses want customers, not tax cuts.

6) Health care reform costs $1 trillion.

Reality: The health care reform reduces government deficits by $138 billion.

7) Social Security is a Ponzi scheme, is "going broke," people live longer, fewer workers per retiree, etc.

Reality: Social Security has run a surplus since it began, has a trust fund in the trillions, is completely sound for at least 25 more years and cannot legally borrow so cannot contribute to the deficit (compare that to the military budget!) Life expectancy is only longer because fewer babies die; people who reach 65 live about the same number of years as they used to.

8) Government spending takes money out of the economy.

Reality: Government is We, the People and the money it spends is on We, the People. Many people do not know that it is government that builds the roads, airports, ports, courts, schools and other things that are the soil in which business thrives. Many people think that all government spending is on "welfare" and "foreign aid" when that is only a small part of the government's budget.

This stuff really matters.

If the public votes in a new Congress because a majority of voters think this one tripled the deficit, and as a result the new people follow the policies that actually tripled the deficit, the country could go broke.

If the public votes in a new Congress that rejects the idea of helping to create demand in the economy because they think it didn't work, then the new Congress could do things that cause a depression.

If the public votes in a new Congress because they think the health care reform will increase the deficit when it is actually projected to reduce the deficit, then the new Congress could repeal health care reform and thereby make the deficit worse. And on it goes.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is an amazing and wonderful thing. It's also very dangerous, and if you ever have to prove it, something horrible must have happened.

I have experience with unconditional love. I have unconditional love for my family, and for my dogs. It doesn't matter what they do, I will love them. No matter how horrible.

What I don't have is unconditional love for a sports team and the players on that team. It scares me that other people do. There was a startling display of unconditional love this weekend among sports fans. Pittsburgh Steelers fans seem to have unconditional love of the Steelers and Ben Roethlisberger.

Big Ben had one hell of an off-season. He was accused of "sexual assualt" for the second time in eight months. He wasn't charged with a crime, mostly because he's Ben Roethlisberger, but even so he admitted to some pretty scary things.

Yet he was welcomed with open arms back to the Pittsburgh Steelers this weekend, because the team was badly in need of a player to fill the quarterback position. The substitute players were horrendous, and the fans were eager to have a better player in that spot.

I understand that. If you are a fan of a team, you want that team to be successful. I expected most fans to look past the horrible reprehensible things that Big Ben has done. It's just the way people and their attitudes to sports are. Many people can overlook a lot of misdeeds if a person can help their team on the field.

What shocked me was the totality. I know quite a few Steelers fans. Unsurprising since they are the most successful NFL franchise ever. They have fans everywhere, not just in Pennsylvania.

I could not find one single Steelers fan that said "I don't care how good he is or how much the team needs him. What the guy did was horrible and I don't want him on my favorite team."

Among every Steelers fan I know, and even ones I searched out on the internet it's consistent. How can this be? I could easily believe that most fans would give him the "benefit of doubt." But 100%? How is it possible that not one person is so offended that they want to be rid of the guy? Every single person is okay with the "he wasn't found guilty of a crime so I'm going to ignore the incidents completely" rationalization?

Mike Vick killed and mistreated dogs. He was vilified, run out of town and sent to prison. Mistreating animals is horrible and a particular behavior that I personally find reprehensible. Roethlisberger was accused of SEXUAL ASSAULT....TWICE! And somehow 100% of the people, even women, look the other way.

Lets face it. Sexual assault is the worst thing you can do in this country. I know most people think it's murder, but they're wrong. If you look at parole statistics you'll find that murderers will generally get paroled from prison after serving significant time. If you are found guilty of sexual assault, you are doing the whole time. Nobody gets parole for sexual assault. NOBODY.

The only explanation I can come up with other than unconditional love is mass hysteria. Maybe because so many people are okay with it, those who really have a problem with it are keeping it to themselves? Or does the subject matter make them so uncomfortable it is just easier to pretend it didn't happen?

It can't possibly be that he's "paid his debt" and "learned his lesson." This guy got a four-game suspension for getting away with the most reprehensible crime our society has. TWICE. His penalty is not even close to "payment" for anything.

Again, I do not expect the sports world to shun Ben Roethlisberger and toss him out of football forever. I'm not talking about any one particular fan I know or any person who should feel a certain way about what happened. How you feel is how you feel. I'm not judging anyone.

I am just astounded that NOBODY seems to feel the way I thought some should. Are they out there and I just can't see them? Maybe the outrage happened months ago and it all just faded away, wounds healed by time and five weeks of an NFL season?

And what if it was me? What if it were the quarterback of my favorite team? Or the center fielder? How would I feel? I think I know, but do you really know until you are tested? Would I be the one making excuses and lame rationalizations? Would I be looking the other way?

Tea Party?

Vast forests have already been sacrificed to the public debate about the Tea Party: what it is, what it means, where it's going. But after lengthy study of the phenomenon, I've concluded that the whole miserable narrative boils down to one stark fact: They're full of shit. All of them. At the voter level, the Tea Party is a movement that purports to be furious about government spending — only the reality is that the vast majority of its members are former Bush supporters who yawned through two terms of record deficits and spent the past two electoral cycles frothing not about spending but about John Kerry's medals and Barack Obama's Sixties associations. The average Tea Partier is sincerely against government spending — with the exception of the money spent on them. In fact, their lack of embarrassment when it comes to collecting government largesse is key to understanding what this movement is all about...

Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stone