Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Time for another installment of "You Might be a Donkey If:"

Here's a tip to know if you are reading a Donkey's Blog: If you read "LOL" at least once in each post, you are either reading a Donkey's blog or a 12-year old girl's blog.

I would say that my game is pretty similar to Phil Hellmuth's. (Wow....just.....wow.)

I didn't like SS2 that much, but I thought Phil Hellmuth's Play Poker Like the Pros was pretty good. (Don't go to this Donkey for book reports.)

People think it's silly to rather play with good players, but I most definitely would. (Then why do you only talk about beating fish?)

Every goddamn time I have a hand someone has one better. This NEVER happens in our home games. (I know, it must be rigged!)

That's how bad these online players are. The guy probably voted for John Kerry too! (Political affiliation obviously has a lot to do with poker skill.)

That's the most frustrating part about poker. The best player doesn't always win. If that was the case I'd be living on a beach somewhere sipping umbrella drinks from a lawn chair. (Now he's paraphrasing his hero...)

I'm down $50 already and so now I got to win $250 to keep up my pace. I decided to go to a NL$200 table. (Next attempt: Brain Surgery)

It's only a twenty minute drive for me, but I had about 20 Buds. (Donkeys Always Drink and Drive.)

I got sucked out on!!! I get KK and someone bets the blind amount in front of me. I raise him the minimum cause I don't want him going anywhere. Flop comes Ace-Jack-5. He checks, and of course I bet. I bet the pot and he pushes all in for $110. I call and he has Ace-7. (It's not a suckout if he had the best hand when the money went in, Donkey.)

The ONLY time that I bluff in a Sit And Go is when I KNOW they're going to fold. (Fucking Genius!)

I will also call with any two suited cards if there hasn't been a raise. (Oh the fishies and their flushies.)

Only raise if you have an ace and a face card, and it helps if they're suited. I also don't like to raise with big pairs because I don't want to chase any of the action out. (Holy shit!)

I was trying to think of a way I could charge for this (Fucking Donkey gives BAD advice and wants to CHARGE for it!)

This is totally priceless, on why he would only like to play pros:
1) Pros know when to lay down hands.
2) You can bluff a pro.
3) Fish always chase idiot draws. AND THEY HIT!
4) If I want a pro to fold I can make him think I actually have a hand.
5) Pros only play good hands, so you can put them on big cards usually.

What I can't stand are those godamn tourists that want to tell you what a fish you are. You know who you are - if you can't take losing don't play poker! (I have never EVER seen a blog where someone taps the tank more than this guy.)

I wonder where he learned the word "tourist" to mean bad player? The term is pretty exclusive to vegas regulars who play actual "tourists." To use it online is absurd, but I'm amazed this moron even spells it correctly.

You might be from Kentucky if:

[Ex wife] called me up again last night and I guess our son got into more trouble at school. I told her already don't expect me to keep after him if I only get to see him once ever two weeks. And what about the guy she lives with? He gets to live there, have her cook his meals, and he don't even work! (Extra redneck points for grammar.)

(About MLK holiday) Seems they should be celebrating President's Day more since Abe Lincoln helped them out so much. (They? Just say 'Niggers', you know you want to.)

Fuck golf anyway, that's for old white dudes who work in an office managing people anyway - ok, old RICH white dudes that work in an office and manage people anyway - LOLLOL! (White trash said what?)

And yes Pete had the bourbon out again. Every shot was dedicated to kicking the shit out of that dumb ass bitch. You'd think someone with a fresh scar for a reminder would learn to walk the line. (Not too many blogs glorify spousal abuse as much as this guy's.)

Tommy said, CUNT! if you don't serve me I'm gonna wear that ass out! I liked this because he twisted it on her. She either serves us, or he gets to set that shit up on a rail. Tommy isn't no dummy, and he knows his way with women. (Yeah, he's a real charmer. Extra points for the redneck double negative.)


AlCantHang said...

bah. That one was too easy.

You had me at "Bud"

Felicia :) said...

So which am I? The donkey or the 12-year old girl?

Maybe you know, because I certainly don't ;)

vegaas said...

I hope you keep posting these, very entertaining.

charon said...

Yet another spotting:

"You should see all the people that try to bluff me there. Bluffing me DOES NOT WORK, people."

But fun citations aside, I found the blog in mention and it seems to be, quite literally, a carwreck waiting to happen.

Drizztdj said...

Online poker doesn't have enough of these guys.

dlk9s said...

He sort of reminds me of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.

From his profile:

"Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?

flexibility: I was the most flexible player on the football team in high school, and I was second on the team in tackles. "

So, not only is he still living in 1986, but he didn't even use "flexibility" the way the question intended.