Wednesday, December 16, 2009


June 26, 2009 - Smoke filled back room.

Mark: Whew. I'm glad we finally got to close the book on that one.

Stan: You used Propofol? That is brilliant.

Mark: Blamed it on the doc. I knew it would work after we built up the oxygen tent story. Everybody believes that musicians are into drugs.

Stan: I thought we were never gonna get that guy. How could he still be so popular after all the work we did on him? I thought just accusing someone of being a child molester was enough to finish someone these days.

Mark: No kidding! You'd think that brainwashing all those kids to testify would turn the public against the guy so we wouldn't have to resort to this. I guess he just had more resources than we thought.

Stan: We couldn't afford another OJ. Look at all the work we had to do to take care of that one. Faking the robbery and hiring thugs to pretend to be his friends. Undercover work is too expensive and risky.

Mark: And that first failure will be a black mark on my record forever. No pun intended.

Stan: Well OJ was small time compared to this one. Football records and Rental Car commercials are one thing, this guy thought he could be the king of pop! We had to make sure the job was finished.

Mark: Well he's finished all right. What's next on the agenda? There's got to be another one of them that doesn't know his place.

Stan: Well that golfer's raking in way too much cash. That qualifies as 'uppity' if you ask me.

Mark: That boy's squeaky clean. What angle do we take?

Stan: We'll start with that sham of a marriage. He really thinks he can be married to one of us? We have a lot of women on the payroll right? So here's what we'll do...

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


A coworker of mine has three buckeyes on his desk.

We were having a conversation about sayings like "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" when he asked me what you would be looking for in a horse's mouth. I said I didn't know and he told me how you can tell a horse's age by looking in its mouth.

A woman who was standing nearby doing inventory asked "Have you told him about the buckeyes? If you give them away it's bad luck. Like if I give you one now, you will have to keep it forever or you'll have back luck."

"That doesn't make sense," I replied.

She turns to my coworker and says "Give me one of those," and points at his three buckeyes.

He hands her one and she hands it to me and says "now you have to keep it forever or you'll have bad luck."

My coworked chimed in and said "but now you will have bad luck for giving it to him!"

Then I stunned him by saying, "Didn't you just give it to her?"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hoy Knows Sports

Hoy is really a sports expert. The only reason he was so wrong on the World Series predictions was because his judgment was clouded by his being a Phillies fan. Of course that is enough to make someone wonder...

So I kept track of some of his football picks to prove that other than Fan Blindness, he knows what he's talking about.

1. Green Bay Packers -10 at Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I absolutely love this game, even though I would like 9 points a heck of a lot more than the 10 this game is currentiy sitting at.

Result: Tampa Bay 38, Green Bay 28. Even with his generous 9 point line this is a 19 point miss.

2. Miami Dolphins +10.5 at New England Cheatriots.

Result: New England 27, Miami 17. Nailed it! Cleared it by a half point. Niiice. But I think your fan blindness is creeping in here.

3. Houston Texans +9 at Indianapolis Colts.

Result: Indianapolis 20, Houston 17. He was all over this one by 6.

4. New Orleans Saints -13 vs Carolina Panthers.

Result: New Orleans 30, Carolina 20. Damn those field goals.

5. San Francisco 49ers -4.5 vs. the Tennessee Titans.

Tennessee 34, San Francisco 27. Whoops.

Now you can look at these picks and say he got two right out of five, that's almost half! But he picked two favorites giving points who both lost on the field, and squeeked one in by a hook.

So it's not just the Phillies, and not just Baseball. I'm not claiming to be able to pick any better, because my Fantasy Football results prove I know nothing about pro football.

But Hoy's just as wrong as me, and seems to think he's some kind of expert that can pump out PAGES AND PAGES of this garbage. Just shut up already.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Spoiled Rotten

Are people tougher than they were 50 years ago, or weaker? Seems like all the old-time Olympic records have been absolutely eclipsed by modern records. The modern athlete is faster and stronger than his earlier counterparts. Even without performance enhancements.

So why do I keep hearing the stupidest fucking term ever when people talk about the world series? The phrase "three-days rest" has been overused so much I may vomit if I hear it again.

Until fairly recently there was no such term as "three-days rest." Because three days was the NORMAL rest time. All teams used four-man pitching rotations with three days between every start. Not to mention that most of this time was before the advent of frequent relief pitching. So all pitchers had three days between nine innings of pitching, more if the game went into extra innings.

Now a guy has an "effective" start if he pitches at least six innings every five days? Did all major league pitchers become spoiled rotten little wimps? They're not pussies, they're professional athletes.

Both of these pitching staffs will have a hundred days rest after the series is over, and I'm thinking that will be after tonight.

Monday, November 02, 2009


An update about me? Okay, you asked for it.

I'm still enjoying World of Warcraft. My guild is pretty cool and laid back, nobody gets upset about much. One guy was pissing people off so I decided to be the bad guy and kick him out. That's me, asshole-at-arms.

Fantasy Football is a train wreck. Not fun. Don't do it. If you want some advice on it, here goes; everyone is always wrong. Always. No exceptions.

I upgraded my netbook to Windows7. There are some things I like, some things I don't. It's slightly unstable, I did get a bluescreen once when looking at some video from a networked hard drive. It's very, very pretty. Cool sells, and it is cool. I predict it will sell. Big time.

Work is still very up in the air. The plant shuts down on Thanksgiving. There will be 15 or so jobs left for people here after that, and there are around 26 people working here now. So I have a shot. Better than most I think. My closest coworker is interviewing with "another automotive company" today. I don't want him to go because he is my closest friend at work, but I want what's best for him and if he goes that's more chance that everyone else around here can stay.

I'm going to try out Ooma for VoIP phone service. I am currently using Vonage and Ooma reviews make it sound better than Vonage for less money. It's worth a try, I can always go back to Vonage. Thanks to Google Voice my number will not change. GV rocks. Get an invite if you can.

I still play poker occasionally, baby stakes of course. According to PTR I am up $1 overall on Full Tilt. Go me. Good thing they don't show Poker Stars. Whew!

Other than that nothing is going on. Very boring life, but I like it.

Go Yankees!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Mr. Wrong AND Mr. Quiet

Hoyazo, that man of a thousand words (especially when ten will do) has made a lot of noise about the Phillies, especially after they won game one of the World Series.

Now he's silent.

Let's review his picks for the series.

He picked the Yankees to win game one. Wrong, but he sure seemed glad about it.

He picked the Phillies to win game two. Wrong again.

He picked the Yankees to win game three. Finally a winner. Hope he didn't go broke on games one and two.

Game four, he picked the Phillies. Wrong again, all the while totally silent.

He has the Phillies winning game five. He better be right or there is no game six to pick.

As far as where my allegiance lies, there shouldn't be much doubt. I will point to the most impressive play in game 4; Johnny Damon steals second in the top of the ninth. The play is not even close so the man who covers second base due to the Teixeira shift is actually the third baseman, and he moves forward to cut off the throw. Damon sees this and takes third with no play because NOBODY IS COVERING THIRD. Lidge can't bounce a curveball because Damon scores on a wild pitch, so Alex Rodriguez lines a fastball into the left field corner.

They just do everything right. They're the Yankees.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Conservatives: Boycott the NFL!

Yes, this blogger has called on all conservatives to BOYCOTT! the NFL because of the unfair treatment of Rush Limbaugh by hmm... well, I guess by the consortium that he was a part of.

But anyway, the BOYCOTT! is ON! This will show them!


I suspect this boycott will be much more popular with fans of: Oakland, Tennessee, Cleveland, Buffalo, Kansas City, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Jacksonville and oh yeah, St. Louis!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Someone spit on my car last night.

I'm working the night shift, 3pm to 11pm. So I missed the Monday night football game where my fantasy football opponent's running back (T. Jones) scored two touchdowns to put him ahead by 2 points. I scored the second most points in the league for yet another loss. I lost by half as many points last week.

And when I got out to my car around 11:30, someone had spit on the windshield.

I guess I'm asking for it, parking a Mazda in the lot at a GM plant. A GM plant that closes the assembly section in about six weeks. But I find it hard to believe that my 1994 Mazda really affects the sales around here. Do they think I'm the type to trade in my 15-year old sub-compact in on one of these $40,000 monstrosities with air-conditioned seats?

The plant is closing on me too. I went broke when I moved here two years ago to work at this plant, and I have no idea if I will have a job come February 1st. I hope I do, and I think I will, but nothing is certain. The part of the plant I mostly work in is continuing production, but that doesn't mean I get to keep my job. They could easily fire me and put someone with more seniority (read: kisses WAY more ass) in my spot.

And now I'm working late again tonight. For free of course. Starting November first it's for 20% less actually. When the company I worked for got bought, they reclassified every employee. They say some people got raises and others got pay cuts. Everyone I know got cut, 20% minimum. Some even more. A lot more. It's quite a clever way to reduce staff without having to pay severance. Just keep cutting pay until everyone who can find another job quits. Of course what's left are people who can't get another job, so you're sure to keep all the incompetent people. The very best? They're gone.

I'm so angry I could spit.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Please SHUT UP

Republicans are trying to pass a resolution called the Czar Accountability and Reform Act of 2009.

At least look up more shit that I do before you do dumbass stuff like this.


Why do Republicans suddenly have a problem with this?



Tuesday, September 15, 2009

RIP Patrick Swayze


I was watching "Today" when I found out Patrick Swayze died. The two stupid holes were talking about him like he was in two movies total. "Some actors are only lucky enough to appear in one iconic movie, and he got to be in two!"

The stupid chicks were talking about "Ghost" and "Dirty Dancing." Both of these ditzy morons were in their 20s.

Mr. Swayze, we remember you from "Roadhouse" and "Point Break." We remember you from "Youngblood", "Red Dawn" and the most hilarious skit ever from "Saturday Night Live." Don't let the 20-year old chick flick loving dizzy bitches fool you, we loved you for all your work.

Rest in peace Patrick.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Glen Beck Not a Murderer

This site is hilarious: Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?

Nobody thinks that rumor is true of course, but until he proves the rumor is false, it's possible, right? He doesn't even deny it!

Play around with it

oversat nashville

Monday, September 07, 2009

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

10th Anniversary Live Event


I'm gonna try to go to this.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thought of the Day

Stop rewarding bad behavior.

Why would television executives decide to pay millions of dollars to have good actors performing well written material when people keep watching stupid shit like d-list celebrities and washed-up politicians dancing or bad amateur singers badly singing bad music?

Ask yourself that.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Team Info

The New York Yankees, based in the Bronx, N.Y., participate in Major League Baseball (MLB) and are a member of the American League East Division. The Yankees were founded as the Baltimore Orioles in 1901 and moved to New York in 1903 as the New York Highlanders. They became the New York Yankees in 1913. As of Opening Day 2009, the Yankees will play home games at the New Yankee Stadium, which was built next to the original Yankee Stadium. The club has 26 World Series Championships (1923, 1927, 1928, 1932, 1936, 1937, 1938, 1939, 1941, 1943, 1947, 1949, 1950, 1951, 1952, 1953, 1956, 1958, 1961, 1962, 1977, 1978, 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000).
I've been a Yankee fan all my life. My folks have pictures of me as a toddler in Yankee gear. I have actually worked for the Yankee organization. I received a paycheck with the Yankee logo in the corner. I love the New York Yankees. I am a fan.

I hate it when people think that all Yankee fans only support the team because they win. I'm sure there are those that do. But I grew up in the 80s, and if you look at that list of World Series wins you don't see a lot of 80s in there. In fact, the Yankees didn't play a playoff game for 13 straight years from 1982 to 1994. (They did finish in first place in the AL east in 1994 though.)

I'm not going to say it wasn't nice when I moved to New York in the late 90s and the Yanks only lost one game in three straight World Series. It's always fun when your favorite team in your favorite sport wins. But it's something someone else achieved. It's nothing I did. Root and hope all you like, it doesn't affect the outcome. You just follow it.

I do take a lot of joy when other people are crushed because their teams lose. I don't think it counts as sadism though. Sadists take joy in other people's pain and suffering. And the pain you feel when your sports teams lose isn't real. I laugh at people who actually let the results of a sports contest affect their lives, their moods, their outlook. Those people are silly. They're the kind of people who refer to their favorite team as "we" as in "we won a big game." Really? What was your batting average?

I love sports. My heart races for important games and I feel the thrills and exhilaration when a team I love succeeds or the heartbreak when it fails. But at the end of the season I can put it away. At the end of the day it's just a game. If you actually have part of your life tied up into whether a bunch of overpaid entertainers succeed or fail, then you need to re-examine your priorities.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Another Example of Why Watching Fox News Is Bad For You


No wonder their viewers are retarded.

From Fail Blog

Monday, August 10, 2009

To Red Sox Fans:

Dear Red Sox Fan:


Love: Yankee Fan

Friday, August 07, 2009

Gotta Love Em


I love stuff like this.

"We're good moral Christians but if you FUCKING try to TOUCH our GODDAMN MONEY we will FUCKING KILL you!"

Poor Ed Brayton is obviously obsessed with WND but damn he links some funny shit from there.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009


It's interesting that I got my first experience with the new Full Tilt interface last night. It's more interesting that I didn't even know there WAS a new Full Tilt interface, and I read dozens of "so called" poker blogs. Hm.

I fired it up, checked my balance, played a NL $10 table for two rounds, won 88 cents and quit because I was bored.

But my WoW alt got exalted status with Kirin Tor, got his engineering skill up past the level of making cool enchants, leveled his latest pet up to max level and switched his rep path to Ebon Hold. A very good night if you consider I mostly played my main in Ulduar.

From one hobby with ridiculous jargon to another.

Monday, July 20, 2009

At least it's not spit.

Now that the auto industry is dead in this country, this is the only job I can get:


Monday, July 13, 2009


I'm almost afraid to disturb the silence. It's so peaceful.

Things are still on shaky ground here work-wise. The new car was awarded to the plant in Michigan instead of Tennessee or Wisconsin. I lot of people around here cried because it went to a blue state, but those people are silly. Tennessee is a truck plant, Janesville is already closed and idled. Orion Michigan is a car plant (they're currently making Chevy Malibu overflow from Kansas City.) The choice was pretty obvious, and thank goodness it was.

Some people started acting very depressed after the announcement. I guess when you're faced with a shitty proposal and nothing, you hope for shitty. But man, would it have been a disaster. The Chevy Spark was originally supposed to be built in China, but the U.S. Government thought it would be politically incorrect to build a plant in another country when there are plants being shut down in the states. So they ordered GM to build that car on shore.

That car is cursed to fail. GM has repeatedly proven it can't compete in the small car market. In order to even have a shot they would have to build that car three shifts a day seven days a week. And they certainly wouldn't expand our staff. So somehow we would have to provide 11 more shifts per week of coverage with the same staff. In my particular role there are only four of us. That's almost three more eight hour shifts per week each of us would have to cover. Would you be happy if you suddenly had to work 24 more hours per week? Oh, and for less pay than you were getting a year ago. No thanks.

The rumor now is that Tennessee will be getting the new Cadillac Escalade, which is based on the platform that the truck currently being produced shares. There is also some talk of the pickup trucks from Shreveport being moved here when the Louisiana plant closes in 2012.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


When I think back
On all the crap I learned in high school
It's a wonder
I can think at all
And though my lack of education
Hasn't hurt me none
I can read the writing on the wall

They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
my sweet imagination
everything looks worse in black and white

They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

RIP 1936-2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


In case you were wondering what a textbook example of what a hypocrite might be, here's one:

"I don't understand why Letterman would say that about a young woman. They deserve some kind of protection from being the butt of late-night hosts."---John McCain 2009

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."---John McCain 1998

Nice work.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


All successful bloggers are ceaseless complainers and prone to start arguments. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Fuck Google. Use Bing.

Fight the power. Stick it to the man.

Use Bing for your web searches instead of Google. It's zippy fast and the results are pretty good, at least as good as a Google search.

Sure it's a Microsoft product and they're the man too.

But they don't discriminate against blogs like Google does.

Bing away.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Life is Good

When I was driving into work this morning, I followed an SUV with the spare tire on the outside. The tire cover said "Life is Good." I like the Life is Good products. I have a few of the shirts and one of my dogs loves the Frisbee they make. She carries it around the house with her wherever she goes, just in case someone somewhere wants to throw it to her.

Life is good. I'm healthy, happy and I make enough money to keep myself that way.

GM will declare bankruptcy on Monday. When Chrysler declared they locked the doors and didn't let any employees through the doors for a week. GM's bankruptcy won't be a "quicky" so predictions are we will be able to come to work on Monday. There is a contingency plan, everyone is supposed to meet at the Cracker Barrel.

So now the government gets do decide if the plant stays open or gets liquidated. Supposedly the closings will be based on profitability, but we have just barely begun producing this SUV, how does one know if it is profitable? I think it's like being in love. If you don't know, you aren't.

"May you live in interesting times." --Chinese curse.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Craps Refresher Refresher

Almost exactly 4 years ago, I wrote a how to play craps post.

It doesn't seem so long ago, but it's not a bad little instructional on how to play craps, and why to not play craps.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I'm Not a "Completer"

From an administration perspective, one of the most difficult things about running World of Warcraft is managing the economy.

In WoW the economy is a very delicate balance. The currency of the game is earned very slowly but by millions of players at a time. In order to balance the economy the game has built in money sinks. The most famous of these is the cost of flight. (There was a widely reported indecent of a woman trading sex for the cost of her flying mount.) But there have always been various money sinks in the game to try to keep inflation under control.

But the latest expansion introduced the most brilliant money sink. Historically money sinks have been a reward system. You sink x amount of money, you get y as a reward. Five thousand gold gets you flight training. But what the developers needed was a way to take money out of the game without any rewards given. And they came up with the "Achievement" system.

With achievements, the game tracks the tasks you have to complete, and when you complete the task it gives you "achievement points." And that's it. The achievement points aren't worth anything. You can't spend them on items or rewards of any kind. It's just a tracking system. You basically get a "check mark" saying you have completed that task.

And the players have gone crazy for the achievements. They are spending hours upon days upon weeks completing these tasks for literally zero rewards. They spend all their resources until they aren't even able to participate in actual gameplay because they've exhausted themselves chasing achievements.

It appeals to the obsessive compulsive nature of all people. People are very naturally "box-checkers" and love to complete things. They have to complete their collection of everything. Without it they feel incomplete. They feel a nearly physical need to finish things. It's amazing to watch.

I'm just not a box-checker. I don't feel the need to finish something "just to finish" it. If there is a reward for completing a task I feel a sense of accomplishment, but if I complete something just to have done it I usually feel disappointed.

When doing achievements in WoW I begin to feel used and manipulated. I rarely try to complete them intentionally, and when I do I feel almost ashamed.

I still enjoy the game, and I have actually built a respectable player up. I'm the 32nd ranked resto druid on the realm I play, which is really not bad. I can keep up with the best players in the game, so I really feel like I can contribute to a group when I play. I take a great deal of pleasure in being an instrumental part of a raid, helping the group achieve a particularly difficult goal (as long as that goal includes a reward that improves the group.)

I guess I'm not very OCD, and if you have a problem with OCD I wouldn't recommend World of Warcraft. But if you just really get off on checking boxes, it may be the game for you.

Monday, May 18, 2009


Just when you tell people that living in Tennessee isn't that strange and that it's not really the "deep south" and there aren't THAT many rednecks, the top story in the biggest newspaper in the state has this headline:

Cockfight Raid Results in Arrests of Hundreds

That's right, hundreds. This isn't a dozen rednecks getting together and doing something stupid. This was an organized event where people gathered to sell drugs and abuse animals. Whee.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

More Hope

Hopeful story from the NY Times that the UIGEA may be repealed, unless the christian right has anything to say about it...

The biggest potential change would be in the United States, where, perhaps within days, Representative Barney Frank, Democrat of Massachusetts, is expected to introduce legislation aimed at overturning the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act.
As always, useless christian conservatives have to get in the way:
Michele Combs, a spokeswoman for the Christian Coalition, said the group was gearing up for a “massive campaign” of letter-writing and lobbying to try to prevent any loosening of the law.

“We’re not saying people shouldn’t go to Las Vegas,” she said. “But when it’s in your home, it’s too easy. It breaks up families.”
Yeah, stupid people in stupid families. Why do you have to restrict my rights because stupid people will do stupid things? Don't you realize that they are just going to find some other stupid way to fuck up their families? Get a fucking life, stop trying to run mine.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Field Sobriety

Last Thursday I took the day off work and drove to Talladega to visit my folks. They were in town for the race and might not have a chance to stop at my place so this could be my only chance to see them this year.

I drove down in the morning. Getting up was tough because I've been working the night shift and sleeping late every day. The weather was pleasant though and it's less than 2.5 hours to make the drive.

You know you're driving through Alabama when you stop for gas and there's a couple there walking their pig. I took a photo but I don't have the card reader with me. If I remember I will add it to this post later.

My folks park their RV in the best possible spot at the track in Talladega. You can't see the track because it's banked, but they're a 3 minute walk to their seats. They walk back after the race and sit outside their RV and watch people sit in traffic for 3 hours while 140,000 people try to get out of the parking lot at the same time. They leave the next day in 5 minutes. Pretty slick.

I spent about 5 or 6 hours visiting with the folks then drove back through Alabama and when I crossed into Tennessee I took a back road to my little town. I got pulled over by a small town police officer who said he smelled "the strong odor of alcohol" from my car and asked me to perform a field sobriety test.

It's pretty humiliating standing in front of his squad car with the lights flashing while performing for him. He wanted me to stare at his finger without moving my head as he moved it around. Then he wanted me to touch my fingers to my thumb quickly while counting "one two three four" and "four three two one" as I touched each finger.

I passed his test, which is good because I think the last time I had a drink was the super bowl. I'm paranoid about getting caught drinking and driving because it seems like the goal of the government is to ruin your life if you get caught driving after you've had a drink. I enjoy a drink now and then but if I'm going to drive in the next 12 hours I skip it. I'm almost always going to drive within 12 hours so I almost never drink.

I suspect the "strong alcohol smell" is the cop's bullshit excuse to check every driver he stops. There's no alcohol smell in my car, I asked two people to smell for it after I got stopped. I don't think I've ever had alcohol in that car.

Hopefully it's just an "isolated incident" but I guess it wouldn't be a shock that there are cops around that violate the civil rights of every person they pull over at night. But it's still kind of disappointing.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm Done With You

tarantinoWhen people used to ask me "what's your favorite movie," I automatically answered "Reservoir Dogs, and Pulp Fiction is my top five." I still love the films, but I'm done with Quentin Tarantino.

Let's face it: The guy is over. He hasn't done anything great in fifteen years. The last decent thing he did was "Kill Bill" and even that was pretty ordinary unless you're nutty for karate movies and you love to see Daryl Hannah over-act.

The most relevant thing he's done lately is appear on "American Idol." I know he's supposed to be all into "pop culture" and everything, but honestly... crap is crap. "American Idol" is the lowest of the low. The guy is trying to stir up popularity by being on a talent show

The guy was a big splash. A huge splash. His style influenced nearly every movie that came out after 1994. But then it was over, now he's completely hack. "Death Proof" was garbage, and that's all he could come up with in five years. And I'm so crazy about Rosario Dawson I would change my religion if she gave me a wet willy.

He revived John Travolta's career. Thanks. I'd rather kill myself than watch "Wild Hogs" again. He made a star out of Samuel L. Jackson, who screamed his way to the largest career box office grosses of all time. What the fuck was he doing in a Star Wars movie?

Peace out homie. You're dead to me. You're going to have to do something pretty special to win me (and I suspect a lot of your former fans) back.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Monday, April 06, 2009

Bored at werq


I made this.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Should I?

Here's the quandary:

Should I stay in Tennessee and keep working in a menial but lucrative job at a GM plant that will almost definitely close in the next 4-5 years leaving me stuck scrambling for a job AGAIN but this time with no relocation or opportunities...


Should I sell everything I own, house and cars included, and take a low paying job in Costa Rica that I know I am perfect for and I am far more likely to enjoy than the hellhole of pay-cuts and unhappy coworkers I currently endure?

It's a bit like jumping off a cliff, sincerely believing that I can fly. There's uncertainty in every direction. I'm incredibly lucky to actually have options in today's world. What seemed like a stable and happy situation in Tennessee has turned into another quagmire of questionable oncoming situations. Or am I imagining a future more grim than will actually occur?

If things were just barely, slightly, the tiniest bit worse here, the decision would be easy. The opportunity is real, and it looks like an amazing life. But it's an adventure, and it will require a great deal of sacrifice and hard work. I'm in my 40s now. Am I getting too old to be this adventurous? I don't feel like I am, but am I blind to my own age and limitations?

At any rate, my world and imagination are alive with possibilities and opportunities, and I'm loving it, even if the answers terrify me.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Death Party

grim reaperA coworker of mine had to leave early yesterday to attend a funeral. It was the wife of a friend of his who died from cancer at the age of forty. Having just celebrated crossed my forty-first birthday, I took note.

My coworker returned to work today and said that the funeral had been totally arranged by the woman who died. Previous to her death (last Friday) she had arranged for all the songs to be played, and even wrote a statement to be read to the people attending the funeral. Her final wishes were for the people at the funeral to remember her and to help her husband take care of her children. It sounded very sad. I don't know the woman at all, but the whole thing sounds depressing, preparing for your death because you pretty much know the exact date of its occurrence.

A couple of years ago my parents brought me a slideshow that was shown at the funeral of my aunt. When I was 18 I left home for college and she was my nearest relative. She was a very assertive and opinionated lady, in a hilarious way. I wasn't fond of her children, but I loved her like crazy. She suffered from "Pick's disease" also known as Frontotemporal Dementia. Basically your brain degenerates, especially affecting your social behavior. It is easily the most horrible way to go. First you lose your mind, then your ability to care for yourself, then you die.

The slideshow was horrible. It began with pictures from her childhood and progressed through her life. But the pictures from the end of her life showed a completely different person. Definitely not the woman I knew when I was growing up. It might have been wise to cut those pictures from the presentation, but then there would have been none of her with her great-grandchildren.

My aunt obviously had no input into the composition of the slide show. If she could have decided 30 years ago I guarantee you she would not have wanted people to see her in those final few years when she had no idea what was happening. But at least she didn't have to suffer through the depressing and frightening experience of preparing her own funeral.

I'm not sure what the best way to go is right now. All I can come up with at this moment is "hit by a bus." Surely there's something better?

Monday, March 09, 2009

I've Got Wood.

My house has beautiful hardwood floors, except the bedrooms. I've never understood this. I hate carpet. Carpet only does two things well, collect dirt and keep stains. I don't like carpet on my floors and I don't like carpet on the ladies (if ya know what I mean.)

So, after practicing on several of my friends' homes, I took the plunge and removed the carpet from the master bedroom and installed hardwood flooring. I also took the opportunity to replace a couple of pieces of inherited furniture with some brand-new never previously owned pieces, a couple of chest-of-drawers.

new floor and furn

I haven't done two of the doorways yet, including the one into the closet in the picture because I need to get a carpet reducer and the Lowes/Home Depot is a half hour drive from the tiny town I live in.

It was a long hard weekend, first tearing out the old nasty stuff and repairing the damage and then putting in the new floor and moving in the new furniture. But it was so worth it, the room looks beautiful now.

Now when GM goes out of business I'll have a skill to fall back on.

Monday, March 02, 2009

US lawmaker to push to repeal online gambling ban

By Doug Palmer

WASHINGTON, Feb 20 (Reuters) - A senior Democratic lawmaker will push legislation this year to repeal a U.S. ban on Internet gambling that has hurt trade ties with the European Union, a congressional aide said.

"The bill introduction should happen in the next month," a spokesman for House of Representatives Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank said.

Full Story

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

New Homelad Security Alert Code

According to Utah State Senator Chris Buttars, homosexuals lack morals, engage in abominable behavior, and are as dangerous as radical Islam.

homo codeIn response, the defense department has come up with another addition to the Homeland Security Advisory System. Whenever the nation's intelligence systems pick up chatter about impending homosexual activities, there will be a "Pink Alert."

So far, the only information released on what to do in case of a Pink Alert is "Watch your bunghole."

Hopefully more information will be forthcoming.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Why Do Republicans Hate America?

GOP poised to leap on spending abuses in stimulus

House Republicans are setting up "a stimulus-watch program" that will allow watchdog groups and private citizens to report findings as contractors and agencies start spending billions of dollars on roads, schools, renewable energy projects and other initiatives, said House GOP Whip Eric Cantor of Virginia.
Where were these "watchdogs" when stuff like THIS was going on?
Nearly $9 billion of money spent on Iraqi reconstruction is unaccounted for because of inefficiencies and bad management
report said as much as $12.7 billion in cash from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, sent to Iraq during Bremer's watch between May 2003 and June 2004, was unaccounted for.
In what could turn out to be the greatest fraud in US history, American authorities have started to investigate the alleged role of senior military officers in the misuse of $125bn (£88bn) in a US -directed effort to reconstruct Iraq after the fall of Saddam Hussein. The exact sum missing may never be clear, but a report by the US Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (SIGIR) suggests it may exceed $50bn, making it an even bigger theft than Bernard Madoff's notorious Ponzi scheme.
Why are Republicans so happy to write a blank check for rebuilding Iraq, but hate it when the government wants to spend money on America? Do they hate America?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Use Your Words Like a Big Boy

Socialism: (sō'shə-lĭz'əm) n. Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy.
In other words, The government, or some other collective organization, owns the means of production. The gov't owns the factories, stores and everything else producing economic results.

Socialism does not mean government handouts, bailouts or welfare.


People are throwing the word "socialism" around a lot lately, and it is EXCLUSIVELY being used as a scare tactic. You can be relatively sure that anyone that uses that word in any form of political discussion lately is completely full of shit.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Where's Pauly's Bailout?

"Auto companies churned out oversized gas guzzling pieces of shit that no one wanted to purchase, so since those fat cats are lining up for a juicy government hand outs, I figure here was my chance to get in line behind homeowners with bad credit that never should have gotten loans in the first place..." Pauly

I realize this is the popular wisdom right now, but it's just plain wrong.

I don't know why people think that American car manufacturers suddenly stopped selling cars because all they do is "churn out oversized gas guzzling pieces of shit." But people do. Why is it that conventional wisdom is usually wrong and always overly simplistic?

In this case I guess it's because the auto slump coincided with surging gas prices. But sales were still pretty good, even when gas got up to $5 a gallon. Gas rose steadily over 5 years. But things really didn't start to get nightmarish for car makers until gas dropped down to HISTORIC lows, around $1.30 a gallon. So that can't possibly be it.

Yesterday it was announced that Nissan, who was projected to make over $1 Billion last year actually lost almost $3 Billion. Now how do GM and Ford's "gas guzzling pieces of shit" affect Nissan's performance?

People just STOPPED BUYING CARS. ANY CARS. The crashing economy scared the shit out of everyone. "Shit, my 401k just lost $300,000" isn't the kind of thing that inspires people to go out and drop $40K on a new SUV.

Every single car company is suffering. Only Subaru and Hyundai were profitable last year, and their market share is minuscule. Hell, Subaru produces ONLY all-wheel drive cars that get terrible mileage. They market solely based on safety and horsepower.

And if people stopped buying new cars, how are they surviving? They're driving their cars longer than they have. Because they are NOT "pieces of shit." They are built better and drive longer than any cars in history. It's actually the quality of the cars that's working against the automakers now. Maybe if they actually did make pieces of shit, they'd have more business.

And as far as "big gas-guzzling" vehicles, why do you think automakers produce them? Do you think automakers determine what people buy? NO! Automakers try to figure out what people will buy, then they try to make them. But it takes around 5 years for a domestic car manufacturer to get a new model on the road. Foreign auto builders can do that in 3 years, but again most of them do not produce the volume of GM and Ford. That flexibility gives the foreign makers an advantage in the short term, but too many snap decisions based on the current market can be more costly.

Decisions made in the last couple of years based on artificially high gas prices could help the industry, but since the "American Auto Buying Public" only seems to ever buy GIANT GAS GUZZLING DUELY PICKUPS AND SUVS, it could actually be a DISASTER. Drive down the street in any town and look at the ratio of giant vehicles to small fuel efficient models. It's overwhelmingly SUVs, Pickups and Mini-vans. Nearly all with one passenger in them.

Americans don't buy their cars based on what they "need." They buy based on what they "want." I want something BIG and STRONG. I want to be able to tow a boat, if I ever buy one. "What will I do with my hypothetical boat if I buy a Prius? Answer me THAT!"

Thursday, February 05, 2009


Steve Czaban, FOX sportscaster proclaims that Michael Phelps is a loser.

czabeWow, what does it take to be successful in "the Czabe's" opinion? Become a chubby middle aged sports announcer that never achieved anything? Or win 14 Olympic Gold medals and earn $100 million in endorsement deals: which of these would you consider "a loser?"

I think our poor friend Steve has fallen into the same logical fallacy that I fell into when I was a teenager.

Lucky for me, I grew out of it.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Logical Fallacy

I have never smoked pot. I made up my mind very early that I was not going to be a pot smoker. And I made that decision based on poor evidence and improper foundation.

My best friend in high school smoked pot. He worked at a car wash drying water spots off the vehicles as they came out of the tunnel. After closing time he would hang out with the other rag boys and get high. I was pretty nerdy in high school (warning: understatement) but occasionally I would go with my friend to some parties or just to hang out with some of his work buddies. And they really made an impression on me. They were LOSERS. It seemed like all they ever did was sit around and smoke pot and listen to heavy metal music. The only other thing they did was figure out how to get more pot. I was convinced that smoking pot made you a loser, so I wasn't going to fall into that trap.

I arrived at the conclusion that smoking pot made you a loser based on a logical fallacy. It's a common logical error. When it rains, the ground gets wet. The ground is wet, therefore it rained. WRONG. Maybe someone opened a hydrant. Maybe Waffles pissed all over the place. Just because rain wets the ground does not mean every time the ground is wet it rained, and just because everyone I saw smoking pot was a loser doesn't mean that everyone that smokes pot is a loser. It didn't dawn on me that they were smoking pot BECAUSE they were losers, not the other way around.

And now, this evidence:
Yes, that's Michael Phelps, smoking pot.

BUT BUT!!! Smoking pot makes you lazy! Smoking pot makes you indifferent and undisciplined! Nancy Reagan told me so!

Fourteen Olympic Gold Medals, a world record, say otherwise. Eight Gold Medals in one Olympic Games, also a record, say otherwise. Here's proof that you can smoke pot recreationally and still be disciplined and motivated to excel. Because nobody has excelled like Michael Phelps, ever in Olympic history.

And here's the kicker. Michael Phelps has a DRUNK DRIVING CONVICTION. He may in fact be doing THE RESPONSIBLE THING by smoking pot INSTEAD OF DRINKING. Not only was he given a free pass on the "irresponsible" drinking, he's being raked over the coals for smoking pot. No, drinking is not irresponsible, but drunk driving sure is. Yet people are horrified at what a HORRIBLE example he's setting for the children.

I think Michael Phelps is setting an excellent example for all people, children included. He's showing that it is possible to enjoy marijuana or alcohol, in moderation, and still be a motivated, disciplined enough person to win fourteen gold medals.

Isn't that the best example of all?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Wisdom of the Rock

Chris Rock's observation of the OJ Simpson verdict was spot on when he said "Black people were too happy and white people were too mad."

I'm seeing some of that around here today, although I don't think the black folks I've been seeing are too happy, unless they expect things to get drastically better for them in the south. Things are the way they are for a reason.

No, I'm seeing a lot of white people who are VISIBLY UPSET at seeing black people so happy. There's no real minus for them, even if they perceive a poor government in their near future. Right now they are purely upset BECAUSE black people are so happy.

I said before that an added benefit to the Obama candidacy is that it drew a lot of closet racists out into the open. This is one way you can tell who they are.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I actually think my current favorite blog pastime is Waffles' fault. A while ago he posted about a British poker player named Ed who was clearly insane. He bluffed off thousands of pounds on the craziest plays. His swings were unbelievable. And he was brutally honest about how badly he played. He had a few commenters who commiserated with his plight, so naturally I followed them and their incredible stories of remarkably stupid behavior.

Those blogs generally don't last very long because people with such poor awareness and judgment aren't generally stable enough to maintain a blog. But while they are blogging I can't look away. It's like a train wreck, all unfolding in front of your eyes.

I could never be that brutally honest on my blog. I'm much too inhibited to actually give you a deep look into what I really think and feel.

But I LOVE blogs that do. Especially from people who are totally unaware that what they are doing shows INCREDIBLY poor judgment. Those blogs, although reading them is probably very unhealthy, have me positively enthralled. And amazingly, some of them have kept blogging over long periods of time.

One such blog floors me with a lack of decent judgment at least once a week. This person even posted stories about doing drugs at work, which is a bad idea since the person gives their real name in their blog, but also REAL NAMES and PICTURES of other people who participated. I hope those poor victims of this person aren't interviewing for a job anytime soon with an HR person that knows how to Google.

Another one I read is incredibly racist, yet it's fairly subtle so they probably think they're getting away with it. They're totally INFURIATED with the idea that someone of a different race is getting credit for something merely because they are non-white. They're especially concerned with those that are half-white for some reason. It seems impossible for them to accept the fact that someone of color might have earned something legitimately. No, this non-white person obviously got a leg up because of his race, even though there is nary a fact to indicate that's the case. If a person is black, all his accomplishments come from riding on the coattails of other people. Other WHITE people.

Most of the blogs I read are written by very intelligent and funny people. But this is like peering into the mind of a completely stupid person, yet that person is totally unaware of their lack of awareness and massively poor judgment. I could call it enlightening, but the actual material is as shallow and insipid as you could possibly imagine. They're also very funny, but in a completely different way. An unintentional way.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Offending Code

// Function: ConvertDays
// Local helper function that split total days since Jan 1, ORIGINYEAR into
// year, month and day
// Parameters:
// Returns:
// Returns TRUE if successful, otherwise returns FALSE.
BOOL ConvertDays(UINT32 days, SYSTEMTIME* lpTime)
int dayofweek, month, year;
UINT8 *month_tab;

//Calculate current day of the week
dayofweek = GetDayOfWeek(days);


while (days > 365)
if (IsLeapYear(year))
if (days > 366)
days -= 366;
year += 1;
days -= 365;
year += 1;