Poker Comic #36

Comic Brought to you by Noble Poker. 100% Match deposit up to $700!

Oklahoma is the Australia of the US.

Nearly every Oklahoma driver backs into his parking place when he parks.

I found this very odd when I first moved here, but chalked it up to the Pickup Truck culture they have around here. But that explanation failed to satisfy when I saw some stupid redneck try backing into the same spot four or five times as I waited to pass, and I realized that it's infinitely harder to back INTO a parking spot than it is to back OUT of one.

How are Oklahomans like Australians? Their shady ancestral background. The origin of the nickname "Oklahoma Sooner" comes from the Oklahoma Land Rush. When the homestead act came into effect in 1893 allowing white people to settle on Indian land, 100,000 people "rushed" across the Kansas Border to the plot of land they wanted to claim. Most of them found that the choice plots had already been taken. How could that be? The Oklahomans simply left "sooner." That's right, they're all a bunch of cheats. Common criminals who found a way to work the system to their legal advantage.

So my theory on why so many native Oklahomans like to back into their parking spaces is a deep seated need to make a fast getaway. They instinctively need to know that should the need arise, they will be able to escape as quickly as possible. I'm surrounded by people who are ready to flee, at a moments notice.

Added irony: The word "Okla" means "people" in Choctaw, and "humma" means "red." So the word Oklahoma means "Red People." Many, if not most, of the Oklahomans I know have a racist hatred for Native American Indians, yet their name labels them as the people that they hate.

Brush with pugilistic mediocrity

When KingLucky and I visited the Thunderbird Wild Wild West Casino a few weeks ago on his Poker Trip to Oklahoma, half the slot machines and video poker machines in the main room were gone or in the process of being moved.

Friday night I found out why, they were setting up for "Friday Night Fights" on ESPN2. This would probably be a big deal in Norman Oklahoma, but with ZERO advertisement, the only people who cared were the ones saying "What happened to my favorite video poker machine?" Ticket sales were so abysmal that they came into the poker room and started giving away free tickets so the stands wouldn't look so empty.

I wasn't going anywhere, however, as I was seated at one of the most fun poker tables I've attended in a long time, mostly because I was sitting next to Maudie.

After a couple of hours a fellow sat down next to Maudie who had the unmistakable signs of a boxer...that smashed flat face and too-many times broken nose. Maudie chatted with him and found out his name was Oscar Diaz. He bought in for $60, played fast and loose, even sucking out on me when what I thought was a harmless deuce fell on the river and made his straight. He quickly disappeared, but a few hours later we looked up at the TV screen which was showing ESPN2, and there was Oscar again, beating the crap out of some tall skinny black guy.

We were rooting for our new poker buddy (suckouts not withstanding) and he went the distance against his opponent, easily winning a victory on points.

It was kind of surreal, sitting next to a guy one minute then looking up and seeing him on national TV soon after. Like I told the dealer who asked how he played, "For a poker player, he's one hell of a boxer."

The only other highlights were bluffing with the hammer and winning, and sucking out on the river against Maudie. I showed the bluff to the table, and I had to poke Maudie in the side to get her to notice. What could be worse than winning a bluff holding the hammer, showing it and not being noticed by a FELLOW BLOGGER AT THE TABLE? What a nightmare.

The suckout hand was a real barn-burner. I was on the button with 33 and Maudie had missed her blind so she posted. An EP player raised pre-flop and I called because of the implied odds of hitting my trey. Maudie already had $3 in the pot so she called the raise. The big blind then re-raised, because he was a serial raiser and couldn't keep it in his pants, even though he had already re-bought four times for $100. The original raiser didn't cap it so Maudie and I made the crying call for another $3. It was an easy call considering the two "I've never folded pre-flop and I'm not going to start now" folks between the serial raiser and the original raiser came along too.

The flop came 236, a dream flop for me in a raised pot, or so you would think. The serial re-raiser checked (what a pro) and the original raiser also checked (also a genius) but when it got to Maudie, she bet. I put Maudie on huge range of hands because she posted, so I though maybe she was playing strong with a six. I quickly raised. I wanted a little protection for my hand because the set was so small. There were probably a couple of callers (I don't really remember) when it got back to Maudie and she re-raised me. Suddenly my range of hands came down to two EXACT cards. The only two cards she could re-raise with were 45, and she had flopped a straight. I called and the rest of the table went away.

The turn was a ten, and Maudie bet out. Why not? She still held the nut. I wept as I called, saying "At least I have a lot of outs!"

One of which came on the river when a beautiful ten landed right next to his fraternal twin brother. Maudie checked, I bet and she called. Big pot, I'm glad most of the money wasn't Maudie's. I was so giddy I think I actually tipped the dealer after that one.

T-Bird Tonight

I'm thinking of venturing down to the T-Bird tonight, if I can convince someone else to head down there with me....or maybe just if Maudie is going to be there...

I really want to take a crack at their $4/$8 O8 game...There seems to be a very specific group of guys who play in it, and they are real gambooolers. My O8 game may be too tight for that crowd, but as long as they are loosey-goosey enough, I might do okay.

Best of Go Be Rude

I was reading through my blog, sort of trying to see what kind of content might piss off my new sponsor and I realized...the most objectionable parts are the BEST parts!

Trying to collect the best Thrash Metal songs is like trying to figure out what was your most enjoyable root canal. 8-19-05

The only thing better than a moron is a moron you can count on. 8-15-05

To be dumber than these guys, you'd have to be rated somewhere near the intelligence of a tree. 8-1-05

Folks that think women need their own tournament are saying that they honestly feel that women aren't as intelligent as men. That being born female is akin to being born with a learning disability.7-22-05

Bottom line is, if you don't have the character to withstand the repercussions of your words, then you don't really deserve to have those words published anywhere. 8-19-05

And it's 10:30am on a Friday morning and my boss just came in my cube and ORDERED me to be at a poker tournament at a bar at noon, so I gotta take off. My job RULES! 7-10-05

Everyone does stupid things, and the ability to laugh at yourself, even when someone is laughing at you, is a fine quality. Even admirable, because a lot of people don't have it. 5-25-05

I will vouch for the author being a mean idiot. - Leathj1 in comments 5-25-05


- on the subject of showing bluffs - But what if he is only doing it to "make himself feel good." So the fuck what? If it is successful in making the other player look like a fool, what is so wrong with that? 5-20-05

I'm not positive about this, but I'm pretty sure if I wore a T-shirt that ridiculed his faith, I'd be shot by one of these fundamentalist motherfuckers with a deer rifle. 4-29-05

Voluntarily giving your money to the government is like giving a bottle of liquor to a homeless person based on his promise to sell it and buy a meal. It's not going to happen, and you must be FUCKING HIGH to believe it will. The governemnt is an addict, and YOU are the enabler. It's a codependant relationships, and you are as much to blame as the government is. 4-15-05

There's also a lot of trash talk going on at the table. So it can be entertaining at the same time. I try to keep it to a minimum by saying "Stop tapping the glass," but the idiots that keep losing big stacks to the maniac inevitably respond with "STFU. You can't tell me what to do." It's really just one sentence removed from "You're not my REAL mom." 3-1-05

Now I made a WHOLE FIVE DOLLARS more than he did in this tournament, which was a FREEROLL, for christ's sake. Anyone who gets that bunched up over a bad beat playing in a freeroll shouldn't be playing poker. 2-12-05

The interesting part of the MSNBC story I heard was this:
The part of the brain that evaluates risk isn't fully developed in people until they reach 25 years old. Until that point, teens and young adults cannot determine unreasonable risk.
Does that explain a lot of the calls you see on Party Poker or what? 2-2-05

And to those who disapproved of my language in the post, Fuck you. It's an adult world and this is an adult blog. Stop pretending to be offended. There are billions and billions of things in the world more offensive than the word "cunt." Get a life and get over it. 1-18-05

Gutsiest blog post I've ever seen, stick your neck out there to defend not only a fellow blogger but the integrity of the game we all love. Kudos! Sorry I didn't find your blog sooner - I shall not miss another post, as you are now blogline'd! - Shelly on "the stripper" post. 1-12-05

Notice for next person who leaves spam as a comment on my blog: I will hunt you down and kill you, your children, and your pets.

You can rip people off with your scams all you want, but if you involve me in your grifts, you WILL pay. 10-17-04

How do I make money even though I'm not good? Because being at a poker table is like being in a group of guys being chased by a bear. You don't have to be the fastest guy in the group, you just can't be the slowest. 10-1-04

I think Party Poker fish have a very specific problem. They have a pathological fear of being bluffed. They would rather lose than be bluffed. A re-raise is an absolute INSULT to their MANHOOD. Re-raising them is like making them put on a dress. They will call with NOTHING, just to prove you cannot push them off a pot. 9-16-04

Poker Comic #35

Poker Comic now brought to you by Noble Poker! 100% Match up to $700!
Click on comic to try out Noble Poker!

Fuckin' bloggers

What is the point of all these bloggers posting the winner of the WSOP event that is going to be televised tonight on ESPN? What a bunch of fucking assholes. They're like third graders, running around the playground saying "I know something you don't know!"

I especially like the one that has "SPOILER ALERT" just above a FUCKING PICTURE OF THE GUY WHO WINS.

Thanks for the fucking alert, braniac.

Yes I knew who won already, but I managed to forget by now....and yes, I probably would have remembered it when I saw the first five minutes of the show, but would an entire day of anticipation been too much to ask for?

At least it gives me a reason for trimming my blogs. That place never had anything more interesting than soft-core porn photos anyway.

And I still don't know who won event number three. Does this mean I can't read blogs today if I don't want to find out who wins it? If anyone posts it in comments, I swear I will cut your nuts off.

If you can't say anything nice about someone...

Say it on a Friday when they are all going to G-vegas....

Hopefully some of them will read today and comment.

Destruction, Part Deux

Al Can't Hang

Al is forever an entertainer. His life seems to be both an example for, and against, how a person should live his life. Amazingly he does both at the same time. My one criticism - what is with all the "Thrash Metal?" Thrash Metal wasn't good when it was popular, much less now that it's over. Trying to collect the best Thrash Metal songs is like trying to figure out what was your most enjoyable root canal.

Mean Gene

Another toughie. Gene puts out some pretty mean content. He waxes philosophical about the most mundane topics from cafeteria food to sports gambling. And I guess that's where I think he could do better....the sports gambling has a Pittsburgh slant that is sometimes interesting, but mostly not. Especially when it comes to hockey. When will people learn that nobody wants to WATCH hockey, much less read about someone else who watches hockey?

Grubby

Grubby needs to stop....well....grubby needs to NEVER stop. While the LA actor/writer/theater stuff is not NEARLY as interesting as the vegas stuff, I wouldn't pass it up either. Seriously, I live vicariously through Grubby, and I suspect a lot of the rest of you do too. Except for slot tourneys. Does he ever win anything in them? Why don't they just pick numbers out of a hat, then have a footrace to take the centerpieces?

Tao of Poker

Pauly is the only blogger who has the balls to credit HIMSELF with being a top referrer to his site. Believe it or not, people who read Tao of Pauly ALSO read Tao of Poker! Who'da thunk it? Other than that, Pauly creates a near perfect blog. It has a wonderful balance of seediness and prurient content, along with serious poker meat. Add a heaping helping of fantastic writing, and you've got a web site that would be worth paying to read.

Chris Halverson

Professional Poker Player Chris Halverson - that joke's (jopke?) not getting old, is it? Actually it's not. Chris has a sense of humor about himself and his game that is conveyed perfectly by that nickname. One thing though--I don't read poker blogs to read about people's kids or their cats. Why is it that everyone with a kitten feels the need to tell us what they do while they are playing poker? Does it affect their hand selection or something? Actually I think Chris has only posted about cats once in his blog, but that's the only thing I can come up with.

BadBlood

When you blog about supplements and staying in shape, you might be missing your target audience by zillions of miles. This is a group of people who drink to excess, even when playing online. We sit in front of computer screens for HOURS and HOURS, so nothing that's available at the GNC store is going to help us and our ever widening asses. It's admirable for you to try though. We know you're in great shape. We're jealous. But we're not going to do anything about it.

StudioGlyphic

My favorite LA blogger....where have you gone? Ever since he went down under he's been MIA. Who do we have to kill to get him a job at Full Tilt? Don't say Hank...

Nickle and Dimes

Drizztjd - See Professional Poker Player Chris Halverson's section about kids and cats. Always remember that unless you're talking to your children's grandparents, your children aren't as interesting or cute to us as they are to you. Especially if you are going to post pictures of them along with a guy puking over a bridge. This goes triple for cats.

Hella Hold Em

Remember what I said about blogging about your cat? Well it doesn't count for dogs...you can post about dogs, because I love dogs.....to a point. I love MY dogs. You can talk about your dogs too much. It makes me wonder if Shelly ever has kids, we'll never hear about anything else. Hell, it almost happened to Paul Phillips blog. It's okay to post about LAS Vegas every day. Not so much your dog Vegas. And does Randy ever speak? I've read ABOUT him, but isn't he supposed to post once in a while?

GaryC

Gary is just starting out, and everyone was really enthusiastic when they started out...then they level off into a good routine. For some the routine means NOTHING....they start off with such a flash that they burn out quickly. I'd hate to see Gary burn out, and it really doesn't look like he's going to because he's embraced the community so well. He could turn it down just a notch, but that really wouldn't be him.

The Rest

And as for the rest of bloggerdom, you all have WAY TOO MANY LINKS IN YOUR BLOGROLLS! Read your blogroll. If you can't say something positive to recommend each person in your roll, you should seriously think about remvoing the link. The shorter your list is, the more meaning each one has. You have to be pretty special to be in my blogroll. Do you make the people in your blogroll feel special?

Destructive Criticism

Okay, this is meant to be constructive criticism, but undoubtedly some will take it as otherwise. I might attempt to turn the looking glass on myself to see where my most annoying aspects are, but there are probably too many to get done in one lifetime. Anyway, here goes:

The Blogfather

Iggy's blog is the best, and everyone knows it. Nothing I say is going to change that. But one thing that bugs me is his constant frequent harping on how he should be making money from his blog. His point is valid of course, because any Internet site that has as much traffic as his deserves to make some dough, but his carping about it doesn't change the fact that he is simply a value-added aggregator. The added value is usually ALWAYS extremely high to the point of being priceless, but nevertheless his original content isn't very frequent. I probably wouldn't change a thing about his blog, and I don't mind the new ads and the banners he has added. I'd just like to hear less kvetching about it. Personally I think it's a guilt complex he has for wanting to make money at all from doing something he loves.

Poker on Film

Heafy does a fantastic job of representing what it's like being a poker player down under. In fact, the more down under material he shares, the better his blog gets. Maybe he doesn't realize how ignorant we Americans are about well.....anything that's more than 50 miles away from the spot where we are sitting. The wedding details aren't so fascinating, unless there is some major difference between American Weddings and Australian Weddings, which I doubt. The most amazing thing I learn about Australia is how similar Americans and Australians really are when you look deeply. That Pioneering Spirit with the possibly shameful past. It's positively glorious.

Poker Perspectives

It's hard for me to say anything bad about Maudie, because she's such a uniquely special person, especially when it comes to poker bloggers. Her unabashed love for everything Oklahoma is annoying, but only to me because I have to deal with it on a daily basis. It would be ridiculous for her to stop that, because she is very genuine about it. I just roll my eyes and read on. Maybe she's a little bit preachy? (Pot:Kettle - Hello?)

Double As

AAs is without a doubt the best NL poker blogger I have ever read. The most fascinating part of reading him is watching his progress...from low levels of NL to heights that make me, and everyone else who reads him it seems, absolutely dizzy. What I'd like to see from Aces is more of HIM. He did a fascinating series about what his bankroll represents to him that ended up being a unique view into the mind of an NL player. And all he was talking about was buying a television. The blogging world needs more of that.

SirFWALGMan

Sir wiffle waffle is the easiest to criticize. He disappeared! I guess he quit playing, which might be a good idea considering the roller coaster ride his poker play was. It was fascinating to watch the highs and lows, but it was like watching "Titanic." As interesting as the subplots were, we knew it wasn't going to end well.

FeliciaLee

I'll tell you right now I'm not going to say anything bad about Fuh-lee-see-uh. Except that she's forsaken all of us for the O8 forum at 2+2. Please come back! There's no YOU in the O8 forums. Your blog is about YOU! Not some crappy town in Nebraska and the number after 7.

Life's A Grind

Tom simply doesn't post enough. I think his standards for post quality are WAY too high. If it's not a HUGE narrative story, he doesn't deem it postworthy. He needs to post more details BETWEEN the excellent stories and scenarios he presents occasionally.

Wow this is hard. I'm going to stop here and continue this tomorrow...

Poker Comic #34

It's Shana, not Shanna, and Hiatt, not Hyatt, you morons.

Sorry...the title is for my throng of search engine pervs.

After driving from Kansas City on Sunday I jumped into the Poker Source Online weekly freeroll at Absolute Poker. Absolute Freerolls are like slow death. The freerolls are particularly odd because of the payout schedule. $1500 prize pool is spread out among 45 players. Winner gets a measly $54, and 45th gets $25+. It's....well, it's pointless. With early work looming and scant hours of sleep so far that weekend, a 5 hour ordeal for $25 isn't what I was after. I busted early playing fast and loose. KingLucky amazingly sat at my table (after I predicted it!) but I resisted my urge to dump my chips to him and go to bed. Instead I dumped them to some moron flush chaser who caught. KL went on to win $25. $25 that Absolute won't let him cash out.

I'm thinking about my blogroll. A while earlier I did a post about each and every person in the roll, and I said what I like about their blogs and why I read them.

I don't trade links. If you want me to link you, put up some content I like to read. If you like what I rant about, then link me. Links should not be commerce. They should be endorsements. The only reason I have links on my blog is because I think those people do good work and if you want to read about poker, you should be reading these people.

That said, while I read every post in every blog I link, that doesn't mean that those folks don't do stuff that annoys me. So I think, if I get time this week, I am going to post what I DON'T like about the blogs in my roll. Hopefully it will generate some negative posts on this blog, because I hate the idea that I am annoying people but they are too nice to say anything. Hopefully it will get some people thinking about their blogs and maybe talk about some of the negative aspects of blogging.

Maybe it will just piss a whole bunch of people off. Either way, I'm good with it.

Standard Kansas City Insanity

I compressed the normal Kansas City trip into 30 hours this weekend.

I left for the Jewel of the Midwest at almost 1pm on Saturday and arrived just in time for the home game at KingLucky's house. The game wasn't noteworthy except that I won a LOT more money than I thought I had. It's a good thing because gas was $2.799 and it's 600 miles round trip. I did flop quad sevens in omaha and rivered queens full in seven card stud to win a couple of monsters.

We finished the home game up fairly early...just after midnight and made it to the Ameristar Casino by 1am. Now I know I said I don't like to play that much after midnight because there are usually more serious gamblers at those hours, but Ameristar proved me wrong. I got check raised THREE times by a guy who had nothing better than a medium pair. He came over the top of me and I thought "holy shit" the first two times, but called anyway just to see his medium pair and crappy kicker against my straight or flush. And it's not like he caught the pair on the river and thought "I just made a HUGE hand!" He flopped his shitty hand and saved it up until he was POSITIVELY beat, then check raised. I'd say he was on a bluff but he wasn't that smart. The third time I re-raised him just to get the extra $6. He called, of course, and his T6 lost to my AT when the board flopped a T and it held up for top pair. The only thing better than a moron is a moron you can count on.

KingLucky and I demolished this table. We were each up $200 within two hours, which is a pretty good feat at $3/$6 limit. Finally four people said they were leaving and I didn't like the look of the replacements. I racked up and walked over behind KingLucky. He started racking and found out his $201 profit was just ahead of my exact $200. He said he wanted to play one more hand before the big blind got to him. I said "Aha! You'll lose the $1 and I'll be ahead!" Instead he got big slick and flopped the king. Top pair held up again and he took down a $50 pot to make my stack look bad.

We played some video poker and then hit the Diner around 7am. Comped, as usual. Their breakfasts are phenomenal. The rest of their menu might be good too, I've never eaten there except in the middle of the night and early in the morning. From there I caught a few hours of sleep on KingLucky's couch and drove back to Oklahoma City by 7pm. It was a great trip, especially because I acheived my goal, which was winning more than I spent on gas.

That's three times in a row that KingLucky and I have played at the same $3/$6 table, across from each other, and we both won money. He said he thought I played better than him each time even though he won more money every time. "How can you say that?" I asked. He gave examples of hands where he got very lucky and couldn't think of any where I had similar luck. Most of my wins came through griding out bet after bet, play after play, and he just got into dream situations. Like at the T-Bird when he flopped a set the only two times the action got capped pre-flop. Or the time last night when he turned Aces full of Kings with his big slick and he had an idiot with Ace-little betting into him. ON A KILL, no less. What feels better than sitting on the nut full house and being able to say "re-raise to $48" in a $3/$6 full kill game? It gets frustrating watching things like that when you have a hard time getting paid off on your big hands.

I have been thinking about that too. Is it time for me to start playing dumb at the table? Stop with the chip shuffling and table chatter? Am I not getting called because people are afraid of me? Or am I overreacting and people just aren't getting cards they can play back at me with? I don't think I intimidate people. Maybe I am just chock full of tells? I sometimes feel like I can make a guy lay his hand down if I act correctly, but I don't ever feel like I can make a guy play back at me. Is this a skill that some folks have?

I'm probably just overreacting and I'm just getting unlucky when I hit big hands and nobody has enough to call my bets. But if someone out there has ways to get called, I'd love to hear them.

Poker Comic #33

Sudden Death and Illegal Drugs have been very good to me

Isn't that a great subtitle for a book, like a biography?

My career (such that it is) has been greatly enhanced by being in the right place at the right time. Being that I am pathologically against hard work, this is necessarily so.

My first real career break came as a result of illegal drugs. God love 'em. I had been laid off (fired) from my latest newspaper job, and was growing increasingly unhappy with my choice of careers. Yes it was fun just running around talking to people and seeing things just so I could write about it later. But after doing it for a couple of years things start to repeat themselves, and it gets less entertaining writing a story about the women's annual "we're filthy rich and we give a shit about the community" social event EVERY FRICKING WEEK. So maybe I was getting disillusioned.

I had even gone so far as taking the county exam to become a Sheriff's Deputy. I minored in criminal justice and had some interaction with the Sheriff's Department and after a few years if you made Lieutenant you could actually investigate crimes and do real "policework." The trick was not getting killed before then.

But I had an interview with an IT company just before I was supposed to start at the academy. I was interviewing for a daytime job, which was highly unusual at this company. The company basically sold computer time, so they were a 24 hour operation. The jobs were very sought after, and you usually had to start on third shift, working midnight to 8 am. If you worked your ass off on 3rd shift, you could move to 2nd in a couple of years. If you were a real star, you would eventually get moved up to first shift. Yet I had an opportunity to skip the years of hard work and walk through the door as a first shifter. Why?

The company had just been purchased by a huge multinational conglomerate. Part of that purchase required them to drug test all of their employees. The employees were told if they failed they would have to get counseling. If you believe that one...

Apparently the place was a virtual Grateful Dead concert. The carnage was massive. Third shift was gone. Second was stripped to the bone. Even a few first shifters were shown the door. Even the site manager was unceremoniously severed. (Don't you love that word, "severed"? Odd that it's so brutal that it actually fits the situation and hasn't been euphamized.)

This place was desperate. I got the offer five minutes after I reached home. So not only did I get the choice job and the choice shift, I was a saviour to the place because I could produce from day one. I was happy because it paid more than twice what I made at my previous job.

Flash forward eight years and I am a contractor for another HUGE multinational, trying desperately to get a "permanent" position to get out of the "will I have a new contract this year?" cycle I was in for three years. A former coworker called me from his new location and asked me if I would be interested in moving to Oklahoma City in a few months, as one of his guys wanted to move back to Ohio. I said sure, as long as I get a "permanent" job out of it. He said he would work on it, but it would be difficult. I actually liked my chances because it is in a specialty that maybe two dozen people in the world have previous experience in.

Three days later he calls me in a panic and asks if I can start IMMEDIATELY. It seems the fellow (who I knew and had worked with on a project with in Shanghai China for my previous company, I told you it was an uncommon specialty) went into the hospital to have a small growth checked out. He never came out of the hospital as there were complications in the process of removing the growth. Coma for 24 hours, then death.

Duggle comes in again and saves the day! I felt a little better walking into the situation because I had known my predecessor and didn't appear like a complete vulture to the rest of the staff. But they were very glad to have me, because they were all TERRIFIED of the system I was running. So I settled right in, and here I sit.

And now I'm tryin to get out. If you have read my last few posts you probably remember that I'm not enamored with my coworkers, and my work surroundings are....well....what's the best way to put this? I'm swimming in shit. The place is filthy, and apparently nothing will ever get done about it. My pal/buddy/guy who convinced me to move down here quit several months ago. Good people are jumping ship as though they had long slimy tails and the bilge pumps are running full.

I have a plan. I just hope I don't need someone to get busted for drugs or die suddenly for my plan to reach fruition. Because if it gets worse around here, I'm not above making BOTH of those things happen.

Memory Lane

I was doing some random search engine words and old link stuff when I happened across this blast from the past from The most entertaining poker blogger alive, bar none.

Al's Major Announcement!

Including the classic line

"And of course I'll continue to play the 5 player SnG's where 3 people get paid. It's almost like the Special Olympics where everyone gets a trophy."

Too bad the Stripper stopped strippin'. Them's was good times.

Full Tilt Poker Bonus Details

The word is that the Poker Source Online bonus from Full Tilt Poker is ridiculously easy to clear.

KingLucky finished his last night. He did the entire thing playing Sit N Go tournaments. He cleared the bonus in less than a week by playing a few SNGs a day. He started poorly, finishing out of the money in his first four tournaments, but ended up ahead. He thinks he had to adjust to the different structure at Full Tilt, I think it was just normal variance.

The structure is a bit different at Full Tilt. You start at 1500 chips compared to the 800 you start with at Party Poker. Prima rooms start you at 1000. The blinds at Full Tilt go up based on a timer, instead of hands played like most other rooms. But the blinds advance very slowly.

A typical SNG at Party will be over in 35-40 minutes, while Full Tilt SNGs rarely finish in less than an hour. Full Tilt even has breaks after the first hour of a SNG, although the players can elect to skip the break, as long as everyone pushes the skip break button.

With deep stacks and slow to advance blinds, you never feel the pressure that you do at Party Poker SNGs. There is less all-in fever. There seem to be fewer all-in fishies in the Full Tilt SNGs. In a large percentage of the low level SNGs at Party, there would be at least two people all in on the first hand. Several players would be eliminated before level three.

Such is not the case with Full Tilt SNGs. While there are certainly fish that play poorly with meaningless bets like doubling the blind before the flop and betting 60 chips into pots over 1000, there are fewer than you typically find at a Party Poker SNG.

If you are a SNG specialist, give the Poker Source Online Full Tilt Poker promotion a shot. And remember to use the referral code DuggleBogey!

Poker Comic #32

Who Needs Sleep?

The weekend with KingLucky here in Oklahoma was great, and even profitable. Well for me anyway, I think KingLucky might have come out negative if you include gas.

We started out by heading for the Thunderbird Wild Wild West Casino in Norman Oklahoma, after KingLucky drove from Kansas City to my house. We stopped to fill up on the way, and I thought I didn't like paying for gas, but the 32 gallon tank in his Avalanche really takes a bite.

We arrived at the T-bird around 7:30 and got seated at $3/$6 limit around 8:30 after playing some slots and video poker. I'm pretty sure they keep the number of tables in the poker room short just so there will be long waits and people will hang around and feed the slots.

They opened a new table so KingLucky and I got seated at the same table, but we sat across from each other. If people didn't know we were friends it's their own fault, since I had to borrow his lighter every time I got up to smoke. I had my normal roller coaster of a night, getting down to the felt once (with the nut) and finishing up about $50. KingLucky went on a tear and got up $250 before leaking some away and finishing up $150. It's not that hard when the only hands that get capped pre-flop he catches a set.

I didn't see pairs all night. In the second hand I had a pair of eights that I raised and then folded when the board came with all aces and faces, and there was a bet and a raise in front of me. KingLucky split that hand when he and another guy both showed AQ. I even think they were both suited. Other than that I got a pair of fives and a pair of nines, and that was it. Big slick showed up once, and it actually came back to win when four hearts showed up and the ace was red and round. Gotta love runner runner flush when you're bluffing with ace high.

Luckily the straights came through when I needed them to. I called a raise with 54h in position. I called the flop bet when the board came Q63. Turn was another Q but the river came an innocent looking 7. The original raiser bet, re-raised me and I capped. He showed AQ and I took a pretty big pot as there was another player that called every round except the re-raise on the river.

I'm proud of the fact that I left the table when it turned bad. We were busting out players pretty frequently and at one point they filled it up with what looked to be some decent players. We got a lot out of the fishy callers up to that point, so we went back to the video poker for a bit and got out the door by 7am.

After breakfast and a few hours of sleep, we went to Ted's Cafe Escondito for some FANTASTIC tex mex food. If you're ever in or around Oklahoma City I highly recommend it. The service is usually outstanding, and the food is top notch for mexican.

From there KL and I went to a home game in Mustang, Oklahoma. Attendance was very poor as a group of guys got confused about what day the game was supposed to be and showed up at the host's house the night before. The host was in Texas on Friday, so he wasn't there to tell them what was going on. Another bunch of guys didn't show even though they RSVP'd that they would come. The problem is that the host was my and everybody's boss, and they don't have the balls to say no face to face when they don't want to go to his parties. They just make up some excuse after the fact. So this poor guy bought food and everything for a big crowd and barely anyone showed. Have I told you I work with a bunch of gutless pussies? Seriously, this is the worst office I have ever worked in as far as quality of personalities. Deep down they are a group of deadbeat losers. They talk negative, they act negative and they live negative. If someone went postal and wiped the place out, I can honestly say it'd be no big loss. As long as I was on a break.

KingLucky took the tournament down with little hassle, although nearly three hours for a single table tournament is pretty extreme. I was playing fast and loose trying to get to the Casino quicker as the poker at this party wasn't what I'd call a thrill a minute. It was a rock garden and I didn't want to wait for the blinds to force people to act. I called a min-raise pre-flop with 59 of spades. The flop came Q96 with two spades and I went all in with second pair and a flush draw. Both other players in the hand called. The guy just after me went over the top of my all-in with a set of sixes, and the original raiser called him with a pair of kings. I had some outs, but the queen of clubs on the turn ended my night.


From there we went to the Lucky Star Casino in El Reno, Oklahoma. It's a bit nicer place than the Thunderbird, but the play in the poker room was about the same level. The list was much longer but went very fast as they opened a new table and KingLucky and I got seated at the same table again. We were across the table from each other again too.

I got aces in my second hand, which unfortunately was the big blind. Lee Jones has reversed himself in the second edition of "Winning Low Limit Hold Em" to say that you SHOULD raise with aces if you are the big blind, so I decided Lee knows best and bumped it. Of course everyone called and I got cracked by an early position player who decided "It's just another three dollars" and called the raise with 73off and flopped two pair. The board didn't save me by pairing something else and I start the night down $21.

I got it all back a few hands later when I made a pretty dubious play. The UTG player was down to $12 so he straddled the big blind for $6. I raised to $9 and everyone at the table except KingLucky called. The straddler raised blind to $12 and the dealer said "Cap!" I said raise to $15 and the dealer politely tells me I can't because it's been capped. I politely disagree and the dealer says "Floor!" So I get my raise to $15 raise but I'm pretty sure the dealer is pissed at me.

After the flop and a lot of folds it was down to me, the still blind all-in straddler, and an ornery guy at the opposite end of the table. I never looked back at my cards as the ornery guy was watching me like a hawk. I bet the turn and he quickly called. I quickly tossed the river bet out, relieved that I made my hand when the board showed A23 and I held 45h. The ornery guy thought for a moment and folded. The straddler flipped over his 86o, and I showed...56h. OOPS! I should have looked back! But the side pot was bigger than the main pot so I did okay. And the straddler was positively GIDDY that he won the pot with 8 high. The ornery guy at the end of the table? Not quite as happy.

I figured that would guarantee me action for the rest of the night. Not so. Later on that night I called with QT only to see a flop of QQT. I was in MP so I bet. FOLD FOLD FOLD FOLD...I only got one caller. He called my turn bet and folded on the river.

You can try to make an impression on these fishies that play low limits, but you are just wasting your time. They are just playing their own cards. If one of them had a pair of threes, he would have called me to the river no matter what the board showed. I might have made more money by letting someone catch up a little bit, but it was unusual for someone to fold to the $3 flop bet if they had any hope in the world.

The biggest pot of the night was a doozie. I called a raise in MP with 35 of spades. The way this table was going you had to have a big hand to win. I like hands like suited connectors or near connectors because they have a chance to catch big, and they are easy to get away from if you don't catch perfect. Someone limp re-raised to make the bet $9 and there were a total of EIGHT players. Now I don't know a lot of hands that are favored EIGHT to ONE over 35s. The flop was very uncoordinated, 932. I call the flop bet and nobody raises. To me this is a HUGE sign of weakness, and I know the bettor has a big pair. The turn is a five, completing the rainbow. The big pair bets and I raise to $12. Most of the table is still with us, and I'm praying for the board to NOT counterfeit me. The river is a seven and it's checked to me. I might have bet, but I just showed my crappy two pair of fives and threes and took down a $144 pot when the original raiser showed kings. Wow was he steaming after that.

We really ripped through a lot of players at the Lucky Star too. There are a LOT of people who buy in for the table minimums at these tables and just keep going into their pockets when they bust out. I know the min at the T-bird is $30, so you can barely finish a hand before you need to re-buy. And they like to play every hand too. Maybe they just like being all-in and taking the pressure to make a decision off. They're calling to the river anyway, so why not get there cheaper. It's tough trying to get into the minds of these fish, but I think it's important to try and understand their rationale, or lack thereof.

Anyway, the players turned over on this table very quickly, and eventually the table turned bad again. This time it was around 1am, and KingLucky and I were both up for the night again. I have noticed that truly bad players don't usually last too far into the night. People that come to the table after midnight are usually not as fishy as the ones that have been there since 7pm who keep going into their pockets over and over again. I think I need to take this into consideration when I play live poker.

We played some slots for a couple more hours and I finished my slot play up EXACTLY nine CENTS. I tipped my nine cents to the bucket in front of the cashier cage and we headed back to the house in Edmond, arriving just after 5am. After a few more hours of sleep KingLucky headed back for Kansas City.

Poker Comic #31

Thanks for all the great responses and emails about the 100 List. Yes, the lists are self indulgent crap, but sometimes it's good to put yourself out there like that.

KingLucky arrives at OKC around 6pm, so we probably won't get out to the T-bird until after seven. I hope I run into some of you!

100 things

1. I'm 37 years old. Time for a midlife crisis, which to me means thinking about death way too much. No sports car.
2. I've been married for 8 years.
3. I graduated from a Public High school in Manassas Virginia with 1500 of my closest friends in your standard suburban warehouse of education.
4. I grew up in Manassas Virginia from age 4-18, and wouldn't live there now if it were free.
5. Since then I've lived in Spearfish South Dakota, Woodbridge Virginia, Birmingham Alabama, Albany New York, Kansas City Kansas and Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, with a few little towns thrown in.
6. Of all those places, I like Kansas City the best, but Birmingham is a close second.
7. I have a Bachelors degree in Philosophy
8. When I was growing up I wanted to be a photojournalist.
9. I was drawn to photography because I couldn't draw.
10. My first car was a 1974 Chevy Monza 2+2. It was a piece of shit but I could carry like 8 of my friends in it if I left the hatch open.
11. I love music but I think people take it way too seriously. Music should be fun, that's why bands like Barenaked Ladies and Ben Folds Five are the best.
12. I still like music from the 80's when I grew up, but I realize that it is all crap.
13. Burger King has always been my favorite fast food, not because of the food but because they sponsored my Little League baseball team when I was a kid.
14. If I go to a fast food place, I always have a hamburger. Screw all that chicken sandwich crap, stop kidding yourself they're not healthy.
15. I used to boycott McDonalds because they had commercials on TV saying how much money they give away to charities, and it would piss me off if I worked there and didn't make shit, but had to watch the company give so much money away. Now I don't give a shit, because all companies fuck their employees.
16. When I was growing up I was too skinny, now I'm too fat. I don't ever remember being just right.
17. My favorite number is four, because of Lou Gehrig. I also like the number four because in Chinese the number four sounds close to the Chinese word for "death" and because of this the Chinese are superstitious about it.
18. I hate superstition. My standard response to people who have superstitions is "Being superstitious is unlucky." It stuns them for a second.
19. I have a scar under my chin that I got when I was four years old. My dad took me out to a bar when he was supposed to be babysitting me, and I fell off a step and cut my chin. He got busted when my mom found out.
20. My father is a retired Computer Analyst and my mother is a retired RN.
21. I am a huge movie fan, but it would be difficult for me to pick a favorite movie.
22. I dislike sci-fi and horror movies, because most of them are silly. Most of the time I have trouble suspending disbelief, because of #23.
23. I don't believe in anything supernatural. ANYTHING. SUPER. NATURAL. This includes beings who live in the clouds and watch everything you do to make sure you are following ten rules, and if you don't you go to a bad place for the rest of eternity. Give me a fucking break please.
24. I have memorized the lines to several HUNDRED movies, and it freaks my wife out when I repeat them. I have a slightly photographic memory when it comes to movie lines, actors and moviemakers.
25. I have a brother who is 17 months older than me. He's a turbo geek, but somehow got married and had two kids.
26. I have no kids and I never will. There are many reasons, none of which are anyone's business but my wife's.
27. I love to cook, and I dislike picky eaters. There's not really anything I won't eat, although there's a lot of things I'd prefer not to eat.
28. I think vegetarians are nuts, but I have a very close friend who is a vegetarian, and I respect him and his views.
29. I currently work as a Factory Automation Specialist in the exciting world of Manufacturing Information Technology. I make computer software that helps build cars. SUVs currently.
30. Baseball is my favorite sport, and my favorite team is the Yankees. Fuck everyone that thinks all Yankee fans just like them because they are winners. I have pictures of myself at age 5 wearing a Yankee cap, and I was born in New York. Plus I was a fan throughout the 80's and early 90's when they went 13 straight years without making the playoffs.
31. NFL is acceptable, but all other pro sports are crap. NBA is just a collection of freaks and thugs; nobody really cares about the NHL, which can't even make money and their sport runs for 11 months.
32. I was very happy when the NHL and NBA went on strike and didn't play, leaving more time for MLB highlights on “Sportscenter.”
33. College Basketball is great, and college football is okay too, although living in Alabama and Oklahoma really challenges you by constantly exposing you to retarded fans.
34. One of my biggest pet peeves is a sports fan who calls his team "We." What fucking number are you again? It's "they" you moron, you're not on the team. You probably didn't even go to that college, you just happen to live near it. I know a guy who played for the University of Kansas Basketball team, and he calls the current team "them." If he doesn't call the team "we," who the fuck are you?
35. My favorite athlete of all time is Lou Gehrig. But Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player of all time, and will be until someone hits more than 715 home runs AND pitches more than 30 straight scoreless innings in the World Series. You're going to have to take more steroids to try that one, Barry.
36. Everyone I know wants Barry Bonds' career to be over so he doesn't break the home run record. I haven't talked to a single person that wants him to break it.
37. I played baseball in high school until I got a job at a local newspaper as a photographer and found I could make money by going to the game instead of playing in them for free.
38. I rarely drink, and I haven't been drunk since college. I don't even remember what it feels like.
39. I only smoke in Casinos and at Card Games. I can smoke for weeks and quit without any problems. I think Nicotine addiction is a hoax perpetrated by the companies that sell crap that "help you quit."
40. I'm not afraid of heights, but I am afraid of FALLING from great heights.
41. If I could have any car right now, it'd be a Mini Cooper S, maybe convertible. Maybe not.
42. In high school, I played the Viola. When I discovered that wasn't "cool" I learned guitar. I'm still not very good, because I never practice.
43. I married the only woman I ever loved. We dated for three years, broke up for four years and then got married.
44. I dated several (several, several, several) women in those four years and acted very recklessly because I never cared about any of them.
45. I can't understand guys that can't get laid. I was never good looking, but never had any problems with women. I think the trick was learning that women like sex too, and want to have it as much as men. Well...almost as much. But I'm surrounded at work by single guys who can't get laid.
46. I dislike talking on the phone; if I can get the job done another way I'll do it. I used to be far worse about this, but I'm getting better.
47. If I could wear jeans every day I would. Our company had a deal where you could donate $100 to the United Way and wear jeans every day for three months. I was first in line.
48. I used to be into Sports Jerseys. I have tons of Yankee jerseys, of course, but I also have jerseys from the Baltimore Orioles, Kansas City Royals, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Washington Redskins, and Jacksonville Jaguars. My next will be a Washington Nationals jersey.
49. I love to wear ball caps, and I usually get my hair cut so that it will look good under a ball cap.
50. My current favorite cap is one I got in Vegas from PokerSouceOnline. It fits right, looks good and gets me referrals.
51. I'm not a neat freak, I don't mind things being "messy" but I can't stand things to be "dirty." "Dirty" and "messy" are two very different things in my world.
52. My favorite TV Show is CSI, the Las Vegas one. My wife hates it when I bitch that the other ones aren't as good as the original.
53. I like crime/evidence related shows because I minored in Criminal Justice in college. My wife has her master's degree in it.
54. I once took the test to become a Sheriff's Deputy for Jefferson County Alabama. I passed (100% actually) but didn't show up at the academy because I got an IT job just before I was supposed to start.
55. I like to bowl and golf, but I'm not great at either. The name "DuggleBogey" came from a joke my friends say when we are playing golf for money. The joke goes "Doug's on the green in regulation! But don't worry. Doug'll Bogey." I'm not the world's greatest putter. Eventually in our group, two over par became known as "DuggleBogey."
56. I've never smoked pot or done an illegal drug in my life. I once had to take a lie-detector test to get a job in a record store. All they asked me about was drugs, and I swear I failed it. Maybe not because I did get the job, and kept it for almost three months. Everyone else that worked there did drugs.
57. The reason I rarely drink is that I think if you're not going to get drunk, drinking is pointless, and I usually don't want to be drunk.
58. I've had opportunities to take every drug I can think of, from Cocaine to Heroin to Ecstasy. I've always said "No thanks," and never had a problem with anyone because of that.
59. I've been on every continent on Earth except for Antarctica. I don't imagine I'll ever go there.
60. I used to travel as part of my job. I lived in Taiwan for six months. It's horrendous. Don't take a job where you have to travel a lot. They are buying your whole life, and they are getting it too cheap.
61. I've only voted in one presidential election. I voted for Bill Clinton, but he didn't carry the state I voted in. I consider voting in elections pointless, like beating your head against a wall where the bricks are made of stupidity.
62. My political affiliation is Anarcho-Libertarian. The government is evil, and it must be stopped. My weapon is my apathy.
63. I consider good grammar and spelling to be essential. English is most people's ONLY form of communication, and if they can't be bothered to learn and use it correctly, I can't be bothered to pay attention to what they have to say.
64. I love languages and linguistics. I think language says more about a culture than anything else, and culture is endlessly fascinating.
65. I think English is the best language. It has twice as many words as the next language, with the most ways to say one thing. Each way is nuanced and subtly different from each other.
66. I abhor censorship, or any kind of societal judgementalism. I am an absolute moral relativist. The only things I think are immoral are moralists. Anyone who thinks they can speak for the morality of other people is evil.
67. I learned how to argue when I was a Philosophy student. I NEVER EVER LOSE AN ARGUMENT, even when I know I am wrong. I will argue the contrary position on any subject, just so I can make someone question their own position and be certain where they stand. Most people are absolutely unable to defend their beliefs. I do not believe in god, but have successfully convinced someone there is proof of his existence with an argument that I know to be flawed.
68. It is NOT easy being married to me.
69. I once told a girlfriend I was an atheist, and I never saw her again after that day.
70. I met my wife in college, in an Astronomy Class. It was the only useful thing I got out of that class, besides a science credit.
71. My wife's sister was born on the same day as me, same year even. I call her my twin sister in-law.
72. I like my in-laws and get along well with them, even better than my own family. I think they actually like and respect me because I take care of their daughter and try to make her happy. What a concept. Although they are entirely too religious.
73. I like to swear because I like to offend people. I like to be offended, although I think that is quite a challenge. That's why Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the biggest geniuses in the entertainment industry. They are the only filmmakers who have succeeded in offending me multiple times.
74. I don't like environmentalists, but I understand why they feel that way. I feel the same way about religious people.
75. If I were forced to eat the same food every day, it would have to be pasta.
76. I am lactose intolerant and I have been since birth. I couldn't digest breast milk, which didn't matter because my mom had a stroke shortly after I was born. She has a genetic disease called Anti-thrombin Three deficiency. Anti-thrombins are the things in your blood that break up blood clots. She can't break up blood clots so she has strokes. She has had dozens of strokes. One thing that aggravates the condition are birth control pills, which is what caused her stroke after I was born. The condition is so rare it has only been found in members of her family. It killed her father when she was four. I have been tested and I don't have it. Yet.
77. I have always hated math. I procrastinated my college math courses, but not until the end because I needed time to re-take them if I failed. I didn't, but it was close.
78. I never worked hard at school. I've never actually worked hard at anything. It's not in my nature to work hard. And yet I have always gotten everything I've ever really wanted. EVERYTHING. How many people can say that?
79. I do not have high self-esteem. I'm not good looking; I'm overweight and not at all talented. Yet I have more self-esteem than anyone I've ever met who wasn't an idiot. I discovered a long time ago that confidence would get you through almost any circumstance.
80. I can juggle pretty well. Other than that, no skills whatsoever.
81. I like to sleep seven hours a night. I used to have trouble falling asleep, because I would worry and my mind would race. But all the things I worried about actually ended up happening, and guess what? They weren't so bad, and worrying about them in advance did me no good at all when they actually happened. So I don't worry about anything anymore. Having all my worries come true was the best thing that ever happened to me.
82. I love dogs. I feel like dogs were, more than any other creature on earth, born to love. Some cats can grow to love you; some other animals can be affectionate. But dogs were born to love. It's part of their nature. I've never seen anything that wants to please me in any way that it can more than a dog.
83. If I won the lottery or otherwise became insanely rich, I would buy a huge ranch and start a dog rescue. If I could rescue a million dogs, that would be fine with me.
84. I realize it's just cultural bias, but I think that tattoos are the ultimate statement of "I'm white trash and I have no respect for myself."
85. I have small feet. Men's size 8. I like it because people with large feet look like clowns to me.
86. My hair is very very curly, but I usually have it cut so short you don't really notice. I can let it grow out into a bona fide fro. My hairline has never receded, but most of my friends are going bald.
87. My eyes are very pale blue, with flecks of yellow in them. I have had extremely good-looking women tell me they are my best feature.
88. My eyebrows and eyelids are slightly uneven so my face slightly droops on the right side. I used to like that wearing glasses would hide it, but then I got lasic surgery and everyone can see my droopy eye.
89. When I was 15 I worked clean up at a Butcher Shop and I swore I would never work in the food service industry again.
90. The best job I ever had was as a sportswriter and photographer for a weekly newspaper. I didn't pay dick, but like I used to say "It's better than working for a living."
91. I could write a newspaper story about anyone on earth. If you get someone talking about him or herself, they'll never stop until they've given you enough information to write an interesting story that anybody could enjoy.
92. I would like to move back to Kansas City, if I could find a house as cool as the house I have here. I live out in the country and deer and other wildlife come through my yard every day and night. My wife and I watch them through our picture windows in the living room and bedroom.
93. I don't have a sentimental attachment for anything physical. If a tornado carried my house away tomorrow, I wouldn't miss anything I lost, as long as my wife and dogs were okay. It would be a pain in the ass replacing a lot of that shit, but I don't own anything that couldn't be easily replaced.
94. I have two dogs, a beagle named Dervish and a Chihuahua named Jackpot. I also inherited a cat that came with our house named Jessica.
95. I love to hack my gadgets. I only buy gadgets with upgradeable firmware, or multiple uses. I love things that multi-task. I'm a sucker for any electronic device I can modify.
96. I love to write. I didn't know this until I started writing philosophy papers in college, and I didn't get any good at it until I worked as a writer for a newspaper. I love to write things that get a reaction even if it's just a giggle, or a "huh." I love to write to make people feel good, or get them riled up.
97. I think I'm funny. When people say "Do you think you're funny or something?" I say "Yes!" It's mostly smart-ass humor, but I also love satire. I love making up little melodramatic situations that are satires of statements. When someone says something absurd, I act it out, pointing out how absurd it would be in a real-life situation. It's usually just a straw man, but it makes them look foolish. I love making people look foolish, and I love being made to look foolish when I do something stupid. Doing something stupid doesn't make you a stupid person, refusing to admit you did something stupid does.
98. My wife worries that I love one of the dogs more than the other. That's because I do. But I love the other one too. Just not as much.
99. I used to hate it when people complimented me. I never knew how to take a compliment or how to react when someone was impressed with me. Then I came up with the perfect response when someone told me I was really good at something. Now I say, "I have my moments." It's the perfect compromise between "I got lucky" and "I'm really good at this, and I know it."
100. I stole a lot of ideas for this list from Shelly and I hope she's not too pissed off about the tattoo comment.

Midwest Bloggers Unite!

I am officially announcing my Poker Plans for the weekend, if anyone (Hint: Maudie and GaryC) cares.

On Friday, KingLucky is driving down from Kansas City and we will be hitting the T-Bird on Friday night. No idea what game we will be playing, but odds favor $4/$8 Limit or $100NL. On saturday we are playing in a home tournament at 7:00 in Mustang, and then going to The Lucky Star Casino in Concho.

I expect to see Maudie Friday night, as that is her usual haunt. My guess is that we won't get to the Lucky Star until after 10:00pm so I'm not sure if Gary would want to make it out there.

But that's where we will be if anyone wants to meet KingLucky or take some more of my money by calling with 78o when I raise with AQs.

New Look

Spent some time screwing around with the blogger template yesterday....what do you think? The inverse of the T-shirt graphic looks pretty damn cool, doesn't it? If I had any talent at all I'd be able to figure out a way to keep the colors of the suits correct instead of green and white for red and black. Oh well...

Word is that the Full Tilt bonus is only difficult to work off at the low levels like $.50/$1.00. Unfortunately the bulk of PSO's customers like that level or lower, so I will likely hear a lot of complaining in the forums about that. Knowing myself (as only I do) I will be repeating over and over "Play at a higher level! If you were any good and not just a bonus whore you'd just make more money!" But no, they'd probably rather play a zillion hands for four bits as the big bet, then complain endlessly about the incredible suck-outs. Can there really be suck-outs at no-foldem-holdem? Why don't they just put $2.50 each in the pot and then just flip the hole cards and run em?

I shouldn't make fun of the micro limits, since I'm not that far removed from them. It's funny how $3/$6 live plays EXACTLY the same as $.50/$1.00 online. There are a few people at the table who will lay down a hand, but there's always a couple, maybe four, that are going to draw at anything, even if it's runner runner gutshot.

I got two emails this morning about poker. One was from PSO telling me I had been approved for my prize from Poker Rewards. I bought in for $200, Made $190 playing $1/$2 got $100 in bonus and $90 from PSO. I signed up exactly two weeks ago today.

The other was from The Gaming Club Poker saying they have deposited $15 in my account for no reason. Maybe the reason is I haven't played there in a year. $15 ain't much. I don't even know the T&Cs on the $15, I'm sure you can't cash it out without making some deposit or playing a certain number of hands at a certain level. Knowing TGC it's a bunch of levels. But $15 presents a challenge to me. I'll probably move my cash from Poker Rewards to Neteller today, leaving just the $15 to play with in TGC and the $23 I have at Absolute Poker to screw around with until it clears.

Then it's Full Tilt here I come!

Full Tilt Finally Arrives

Poker Source Online has finally added a promotion with Full Tilt Poker.

The timing is perfect, since Full Tilt just added hand histories with Poker Tracker support.

All you need to complete the promotion is 200 "Full Tilt Points," whatever they are.

I like the Full Tilt software, and I like gawking at the Pros that are playing on there. This should increase the traffic somewhat as there are a LOT of PSO customers who have been waiting for this promotion for a long time. They've hinted at it and rumored around it, but today it's finally real.

There is a 100% Match bonus included along with the PSO Prize, but I've heard Full Tilt bonuses are like slow death to work off.

I'll probably let you know pretty quick if that's true!

Speaking of Donkeys...

Speaking of Donkeys, I made the mistake of playing in the Poker News Daily $1000 Freeroll last night. Now I don't think I'm anything special as a poker player, but I know dumbasses when I see em. And this tourney was full of dumbasses.

Holy crap what a donkfest. 122 entries, there were 75 gone in the first 25 minutes. Incredibly retarded plays, like re-raising a pot committed player with 97 (oh yeah, do I need to mention SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTED?) and hitting a straight.

The worst part was these donks complimenting each other. "Nice play, I'll see you at the final table!" after making a retarded play that worked because their opponent was somehow MORE retarded. To be dumber than these guys, you'd have to be rated somewhere near the intelligence of a tree.

They were so busy chatting in near illiteracy about what EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXPERT poker players they were, they would often time out on their next hand. I made the mistake of saying "shut up and play," so they decided it would be fun to use every second of every hand, since they believed they had fairly large stacks and felt like they could stall their way into the money. Of course this was also retarded because only nine places paid, and they were only hurting themselves by costing themselves chances to make money. You can't stall to the money when you are below average in chips!

When the stalling started, I decided to give up. I can't play too late on Sunday night with my alarm going off at 4:30 on Monday morning, so I went all in the next decent hand I saw, which was AK. Of course some donk called me with two suited cards and hit his flush.

It was fun hanging out in PSO chat and laughing at the AWFUL plays we were all seeing. The most commonly typed word in chat was "OMG!" One of the players said "One of us should win this, these players are horrible."

I disagreed. Even if you can get a ten to one advantage every time, when you are called down with it twenty times, you are going to LOSE. Sure enough, every one of us got eliminated in supreme suck-out fashion.

At least we all had some laughs. Mostly at fools who deluded themselves into thinking they were good poker players.