Thursday, August 04, 2005

100 things

1. I'm 37 years old. Time for a midlife crisis, which to me means thinking about death way too much. No sports car.
2. I've been married for 8 years.
3. I graduated from a Public High school in Manassas Virginia with 1500 of my closest friends in your standard suburban warehouse of education.
4. I grew up in Manassas Virginia from age 4-18, and wouldn't live there now if it were free.
5. Since then I've lived in Spearfish South Dakota, Woodbridge Virginia, Birmingham Alabama, Albany New York, Kansas City Kansas and Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, with a few little towns thrown in.
6. Of all those places, I like Kansas City the best, but Birmingham is a close second.
7. I have a Bachelors degree in Philosophy
8. When I was growing up I wanted to be a photojournalist.
9. I was drawn to photography because I couldn't draw.
10. My first car was a 1974 Chevy Monza 2+2. It was a piece of shit but I could carry like 8 of my friends in it if I left the hatch open.
11. I love music but I think people take it way too seriously. Music should be fun, that's why bands like Barenaked Ladies and Ben Folds Five are the best.
12. I still like music from the 80's when I grew up, but I realize that it is all crap.
13. Burger King has always been my favorite fast food, not because of the food but because they sponsored my Little League baseball team when I was a kid.
14. If I go to a fast food place, I always have a hamburger. Screw all that chicken sandwich crap, stop kidding yourself they're not healthy.
15. I used to boycott McDonalds because they had commercials on TV saying how much money they give away to charities, and it would piss me off if I worked there and didn't make shit, but had to watch the company give so much money away. Now I don't give a shit, because all companies fuck their employees.
16. When I was growing up I was too skinny, now I'm too fat. I don't ever remember being just right.
17. My favorite number is four, because of Lou Gehrig. I also like the number four because in Chinese the number four sounds close to the Chinese word for "death" and because of this the Chinese are superstitious about it.
18. I hate superstition. My standard response to people who have superstitions is "Being superstitious is unlucky." It stuns them for a second.
19. I have a scar under my chin that I got when I was four years old. My dad took me out to a bar when he was supposed to be babysitting me, and I fell off a step and cut my chin. He got busted when my mom found out.
20. My father is a retired Computer Analyst and my mother is a retired RN.
21. I am a huge movie fan, but it would be difficult for me to pick a favorite movie.
22. I dislike sci-fi and horror movies, because most of them are silly. Most of the time I have trouble suspending disbelief, because of #23.
23. I don't believe in anything supernatural. ANYTHING. SUPER. NATURAL. This includes beings who live in the clouds and watch everything you do to make sure you are following ten rules, and if you don't you go to a bad place for the rest of eternity. Give me a fucking break please.
24. I have memorized the lines to several HUNDRED movies, and it freaks my wife out when I repeat them. I have a slightly photographic memory when it comes to movie lines, actors and moviemakers.
25. I have a brother who is 17 months older than me. He's a turbo geek, but somehow got married and had two kids.
26. I have no kids and I never will. There are many reasons, none of which are anyone's business but my wife's.
27. I love to cook, and I dislike picky eaters. There's not really anything I won't eat, although there's a lot of things I'd prefer not to eat.
28. I think vegetarians are nuts, but I have a very close friend who is a vegetarian, and I respect him and his views.
29. I currently work as a Factory Automation Specialist in the exciting world of Manufacturing Information Technology. I make computer software that helps build cars. SUVs currently.
30. Baseball is my favorite sport, and my favorite team is the Yankees. Fuck everyone that thinks all Yankee fans just like them because they are winners. I have pictures of myself at age 5 wearing a Yankee cap, and I was born in New York. Plus I was a fan throughout the 80's and early 90's when they went 13 straight years without making the playoffs.
31. NFL is acceptable, but all other pro sports are crap. NBA is just a collection of freaks and thugs; nobody really cares about the NHL, which can't even make money and their sport runs for 11 months.
32. I was very happy when the NHL and NBA went on strike and didn't play, leaving more time for MLB highlights on “Sportscenter.”
33. College Basketball is great, and college football is okay too, although living in Alabama and Oklahoma really challenges you by constantly exposing you to retarded fans.
34. One of my biggest pet peeves is a sports fan who calls his team "We." What fucking number are you again? It's "they" you moron, you're not on the team. You probably didn't even go to that college, you just happen to live near it. I know a guy who played for the University of Kansas Basketball team, and he calls the current team "them." If he doesn't call the team "we," who the fuck are you?
35. My favorite athlete of all time is Lou Gehrig. But Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player of all time, and will be until someone hits more than 715 home runs AND pitches more than 30 straight scoreless innings in the World Series. You're going to have to take more steroids to try that one, Barry.
36. Everyone I know wants Barry Bonds' career to be over so he doesn't break the home run record. I haven't talked to a single person that wants him to break it.
37. I played baseball in high school until I got a job at a local newspaper as a photographer and found I could make money by going to the game instead of playing in them for free.
38. I rarely drink, and I haven't been drunk since college. I don't even remember what it feels like.
39. I only smoke in Casinos and at Card Games. I can smoke for weeks and quit without any problems. I think Nicotine addiction is a hoax perpetrated by the companies that sell crap that "help you quit."
40. I'm not afraid of heights, but I am afraid of FALLING from great heights.
41. If I could have any car right now, it'd be a Mini Cooper S, maybe convertible. Maybe not.
42. In high school, I played the Viola. When I discovered that wasn't "cool" I learned guitar. I'm still not very good, because I never practice.
43. I married the only woman I ever loved. We dated for three years, broke up for four years and then got married.
44. I dated several (several, several, several) women in those four years and acted very recklessly because I never cared about any of them.
45. I can't understand guys that can't get laid. I was never good looking, but never had any problems with women. I think the trick was learning that women like sex too, and want to have it as much as men. Well...almost as much. But I'm surrounded at work by single guys who can't get laid.
46. I dislike talking on the phone; if I can get the job done another way I'll do it. I used to be far worse about this, but I'm getting better.
47. If I could wear jeans every day I would. Our company had a deal where you could donate $100 to the United Way and wear jeans every day for three months. I was first in line.
48. I used to be into Sports Jerseys. I have tons of Yankee jerseys, of course, but I also have jerseys from the Baltimore Orioles, Kansas City Royals, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Washington Redskins, and Jacksonville Jaguars. My next will be a Washington Nationals jersey.
49. I love to wear ball caps, and I usually get my hair cut so that it will look good under a ball cap.
50. My current favorite cap is one I got in Vegas from PokerSouceOnline. It fits right, looks good and gets me referrals.
51. I'm not a neat freak, I don't mind things being "messy" but I can't stand things to be "dirty." "Dirty" and "messy" are two very different things in my world.
52. My favorite TV Show is CSI, the Las Vegas one. My wife hates it when I bitch that the other ones aren't as good as the original.
53. I like crime/evidence related shows because I minored in Criminal Justice in college. My wife has her master's degree in it.
54. I once took the test to become a Sheriff's Deputy for Jefferson County Alabama. I passed (100% actually) but didn't show up at the academy because I got an IT job just before I was supposed to start.
55. I like to bowl and golf, but I'm not great at either. The name "DuggleBogey" came from a joke my friends say when we are playing golf for money. The joke goes "Doug's on the green in regulation! But don't worry. Doug'll Bogey." I'm not the world's greatest putter. Eventually in our group, two over par became known as "DuggleBogey."
56. I've never smoked pot or done an illegal drug in my life. I once had to take a lie-detector test to get a job in a record store. All they asked me about was drugs, and I swear I failed it. Maybe not because I did get the job, and kept it for almost three months. Everyone else that worked there did drugs.
57. The reason I rarely drink is that I think if you're not going to get drunk, drinking is pointless, and I usually don't want to be drunk.
58. I've had opportunities to take every drug I can think of, from Cocaine to Heroin to Ecstasy. I've always said "No thanks," and never had a problem with anyone because of that.
59. I've been on every continent on Earth except for Antarctica. I don't imagine I'll ever go there.
60. I used to travel as part of my job. I lived in Taiwan for six months. It's horrendous. Don't take a job where you have to travel a lot. They are buying your whole life, and they are getting it too cheap.
61. I've only voted in one presidential election. I voted for Bill Clinton, but he didn't carry the state I voted in. I consider voting in elections pointless, like beating your head against a wall where the bricks are made of stupidity.
62. My political affiliation is Anarcho-Libertarian. The government is evil, and it must be stopped. My weapon is my apathy.
63. I consider good grammar and spelling to be essential. English is most people's ONLY form of communication, and if they can't be bothered to learn and use it correctly, I can't be bothered to pay attention to what they have to say.
64. I love languages and linguistics. I think language says more about a culture than anything else, and culture is endlessly fascinating.
65. I think English is the best language. It has twice as many words as the next language, with the most ways to say one thing. Each way is nuanced and subtly different from each other.
66. I abhor censorship, or any kind of societal judgementalism. I am an absolute moral relativist. The only things I think are immoral are moralists. Anyone who thinks they can speak for the morality of other people is evil.
67. I learned how to argue when I was a Philosophy student. I NEVER EVER LOSE AN ARGUMENT, even when I know I am wrong. I will argue the contrary position on any subject, just so I can make someone question their own position and be certain where they stand. Most people are absolutely unable to defend their beliefs. I do not believe in god, but have successfully convinced someone there is proof of his existence with an argument that I know to be flawed.
68. It is NOT easy being married to me.
69. I once told a girlfriend I was an atheist, and I never saw her again after that day.
70. I met my wife in college, in an Astronomy Class. It was the only useful thing I got out of that class, besides a science credit.
71. My wife's sister was born on the same day as me, same year even. I call her my twin sister in-law.
72. I like my in-laws and get along well with them, even better than my own family. I think they actually like and respect me because I take care of their daughter and try to make her happy. What a concept. Although they are entirely too religious.
73. I like to swear because I like to offend people. I like to be offended, although I think that is quite a challenge. That's why Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the biggest geniuses in the entertainment industry. They are the only filmmakers who have succeeded in offending me multiple times.
74. I don't like environmentalists, but I understand why they feel that way. I feel the same way about religious people.
75. If I were forced to eat the same food every day, it would have to be pasta.
76. I am lactose intolerant and I have been since birth. I couldn't digest breast milk, which didn't matter because my mom had a stroke shortly after I was born. She has a genetic disease called Anti-thrombin Three deficiency. Anti-thrombins are the things in your blood that break up blood clots. She can't break up blood clots so she has strokes. She has had dozens of strokes. One thing that aggravates the condition are birth control pills, which is what caused her stroke after I was born. The condition is so rare it has only been found in members of her family. It killed her father when she was four. I have been tested and I don't have it. Yet.
77. I have always hated math. I procrastinated my college math courses, but not until the end because I needed time to re-take them if I failed. I didn't, but it was close.
78. I never worked hard at school. I've never actually worked hard at anything. It's not in my nature to work hard. And yet I have always gotten everything I've ever really wanted. EVERYTHING. How many people can say that?
79. I do not have high self-esteem. I'm not good looking; I'm overweight and not at all talented. Yet I have more self-esteem than anyone I've ever met who wasn't an idiot. I discovered a long time ago that confidence would get you through almost any circumstance.
80. I can juggle pretty well. Other than that, no skills whatsoever.
81. I like to sleep seven hours a night. I used to have trouble falling asleep, because I would worry and my mind would race. But all the things I worried about actually ended up happening, and guess what? They weren't so bad, and worrying about them in advance did me no good at all when they actually happened. So I don't worry about anything anymore. Having all my worries come true was the best thing that ever happened to me.
82. I love dogs. I feel like dogs were, more than any other creature on earth, born to love. Some cats can grow to love you; some other animals can be affectionate. But dogs were born to love. It's part of their nature. I've never seen anything that wants to please me in any way that it can more than a dog.
83. If I won the lottery or otherwise became insanely rich, I would buy a huge ranch and start a dog rescue. If I could rescue a million dogs, that would be fine with me.
84. I realize it's just cultural bias, but I think that tattoos are the ultimate statement of "I'm white trash and I have no respect for myself."
85. I have small feet. Men's size 8. I like it because people with large feet look like clowns to me.
86. My hair is very very curly, but I usually have it cut so short you don't really notice. I can let it grow out into a bona fide fro. My hairline has never receded, but most of my friends are going bald.
87. My eyes are very pale blue, with flecks of yellow in them. I have had extremely good-looking women tell me they are my best feature.
88. My eyebrows and eyelids are slightly uneven so my face slightly droops on the right side. I used to like that wearing glasses would hide it, but then I got lasic surgery and everyone can see my droopy eye.
89. When I was 15 I worked clean up at a Butcher Shop and I swore I would never work in the food service industry again.
90. The best job I ever had was as a sportswriter and photographer for a weekly newspaper. I didn't pay dick, but like I used to say "It's better than working for a living."
91. I could write a newspaper story about anyone on earth. If you get someone talking about him or herself, they'll never stop until they've given you enough information to write an interesting story that anybody could enjoy.
92. I would like to move back to Kansas City, if I could find a house as cool as the house I have here. I live out in the country and deer and other wildlife come through my yard every day and night. My wife and I watch them through our picture windows in the living room and bedroom.
93. I don't have a sentimental attachment for anything physical. If a tornado carried my house away tomorrow, I wouldn't miss anything I lost, as long as my wife and dogs were okay. It would be a pain in the ass replacing a lot of that shit, but I don't own anything that couldn't be easily replaced.
94. I have two dogs, a beagle named Dervish and a Chihuahua named Jackpot. I also inherited a cat that came with our house named Jessica.
95. I love to hack my gadgets. I only buy gadgets with upgradeable firmware, or multiple uses. I love things that multi-task. I'm a sucker for any electronic device I can modify.
96. I love to write. I didn't know this until I started writing philosophy papers in college, and I didn't get any good at it until I worked as a writer for a newspaper. I love to write things that get a reaction even if it's just a giggle, or a "huh." I love to write to make people feel good, or get them riled up.
97. I think I'm funny. When people say "Do you think you're funny or something?" I say "Yes!" It's mostly smart-ass humor, but I also love satire. I love making up little melodramatic situations that are satires of statements. When someone says something absurd, I act it out, pointing out how absurd it would be in a real-life situation. It's usually just a straw man, but it makes them look foolish. I love making people look foolish, and I love being made to look foolish when I do something stupid. Doing something stupid doesn't make you a stupid person, refusing to admit you did something stupid does.
98. My wife worries that I love one of the dogs more than the other. That's because I do. But I love the other one too. Just not as much.
99. I used to hate it when people complimented me. I never knew how to take a compliment or how to react when someone was impressed with me. Then I came up with the perfect response when someone told me I was really good at something. Now I say, "I have my moments." It's the perfect compromise between "I got lucky" and "I'm really good at this, and I know it."
100. I stole a lot of ideas for this list from Shelly and I hope she's not too pissed off about the tattoo comment.


doubleas said...

I lived in Woodbridge for 4 live in FFX.

Shelly said...

LOL At #84, I thought to myself, "Well, alrighty then!" :) It's all good - to each his own. I've always said, I don't care what other people do with their lives; just don't force those ways of life on me. Thanks for the list! These things are better than reality TV (which isn't even real).

GaryC said...

Excellent post, D. I could see alot of those things in the short time that I got to visit with you the other night.

#84 lol, but I already knew I was white trash, hence the mullet.


Mourn said...

That's amazing about the smoking because I am the EXACT same way. Weird.

I thought about posting it my 100 things, but Mrs. Mourn gets really pissed if I smoke, so I omitted.

Mourn said...

Actually, after reading the whole list, it scares the fuck out of me how many of these things could have been on my list.

dlk9s said...

What a bunch of self-indulgent crap, you little bitch.

DuggleBogey said...

Sorry Dan, I didn't even know you had a tattoo...;)

TripJax said...


You have your moments! I enjoyed reading your 100 things. I'm glad I now know the origin of DuggleBogey so disregard my other comment (although I still wonder about KingLucky).

I recently finished my own list on my blog...check it out if you want to see somebody a tad different from you!

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