You might be a donkey if....

In deference to Jeff Foxworthy, I have collected ACTUAL posts from ACTUAL blogs from people who probably should NOT be playing poker.

I decided I was going to find some poker blogs for "less than" successful players out there this morning, and I found some of the things they wrote ASTOUNDING. Most of them should have raised HUGE red flags, unless they were posted sarcastically. Based on the rest of the blogs, I have to assume they were being completely seroius.

If you have ever said or thought one or more of these things, you should seriously consider whether poker is really for you.

So here are the top 16 things I read in poker blogs this morning that made me think that these people might not be cut out for playing poker:


1. Mom knows about my gambling problem but she mostly keeps her mouth shut about it. She always reminds me of what it did to my daddy. But I already logged back in today and played a few hands...

2. I only got $1350 for the Taurus, but that was enough to get me back to the poker tables. If I hit a good run of cards, I can pay some bills and get a better car.

3. I should have walked away right there. Then I hit a bad run of cards and my buddy pulled me out of there...

4. I rolled $60 worth of pennies I had collected over the years and deposited the money into online poker rooms.

5. I haven't told my therapist about my poker problem because she'll just try and talk me out of playing.

6. I have been banned from at least three online poker rooms because of what I type in the chat window whenever I lose.

7. I wanted to throw my monitor through the window, but I still owe my landlord $245 from the last time I did that

8. I can take it as a shot with no EXCPECTATION of winning, just a little hope to get lucky, and when I lose I can deal with it no problem.

9. I have lost patience in doing things the “right” way.. I just feel like I should explore other avenues of thinking sometimes.. Who can say what way is the right way? If I am going to be a maniac I might as well embrace it.

10. I have BEYOND a doubt the WORSE luck of ANYONE EVER! If I had normal person luck, I would be winning twice as many tourneys.

11. SO then I am so fucking pissed off I take my last 460 bucks and put it on a 30/60 table.

12. Play 2/4. Lose 150. Play 5/10. Lose 250. Play 20/40...

13. I decided to take $500 and 'invest' into some higher stakes...(Current Bankroll - $758)

14. I am on a downward spiral and lost another $246 yesterday...I was playing a little out of my bankroll(5/10), but nothing major. (Current Bankroll - $638)

15. I lost about $230 at the $5/$10 tables on pokerstars and lost another $130 at the $100 NL tables on Partypoker.(Current Bankroll - $884)

16. I found out that Bon Jovi is coming here on Valentines Day next year and tickets go on sell tomorrow so I'm definitely taking my wife to that.(I know this one isn't poker related, but still....this person might need SERIOUS help.)