Excellent Hammer Droppage

I was playing in the Party Poker $5000 Freeroll that begins every day at 6:20pm and starts registering at 4:20pm (hint hint) yesterday. I've played in this thing every day since Tuesday, although yesterday was the first time I made it more than 4 hands into it. (Short and boring stories, I assure you.)

When I play in this, I usually hang out in PSO chat because there are usually some other players in there and it's fun to talk trash and whatnot about other players. It is a PARTY POKER freeroll after all, where you are likely to see the worst players on earth. KingLucky's strategy in these things is "Give them an opportunity to be stupid" and I can't say that's a bad strategy, since they always seem to take advantage of that opportunity.

Yesterday, however, only one person in PSO chat was actually playing in the PP Freeroll. Another was playing in a different Party tourney and one was playing in a tourney at TGC. So there was still some fun chat going on, but only one other player in the same tourney I was in.

When I got moved from my original table, when there were 1100 players left, I got moved to the same table that the other chatting player was at! What are the odds? (I know, 1 in 110.) Still pretty incredible. The player obviously knew me and read my blog, because he said in chat he was going to tell the whole table that if I raise, I have 72!!

So of course, I did! There were like 7 limpers, and I raised from the 150 blind to 600, and every limper folded. I was fairly incredulous, because I was new to the table and this is a PARTY tournament. I guess this table was pretty rocky after all. (I know what you're thinking, are you SURE this was a PARTY tournament?)

When I showed the 72, the absolute BRICK in the seat between me and the other PSO player was pissed. In the time I watched, this guy limped with AKs, AQs and QQ. This was an extremely tight passive player who hated to call raises. I was on the wrong side to take advantage of this, but my PSO buddy wasn't.

I got knocked out after an hour or so when some donkey called my pot sized be on the turn and hit his gutshot on the river. Ugh. (Told you it was a PARTY tournament.) But I got an hour's worth of poker in without spending any of my non-existant bankroll.

And it's 10:30am on a Friday morning and my boss just came in my cube and ORDERED me to be at a poker tournament at a bar at noon, so I gotta take off. My job RULES!

I'm Broke!

I'm down to about $3 in all my online poker accounts.

I cashed out at almost every room and neteller so I could take the cash to vegas. After a LONG conversation with Mrs. Bogey, there will be no other money spent on this trip. It all has to come from my poker bankroll. Didn't I just buy her all new living room furniture last week? You'd think three huge pieces of suede you can sit on would soften her up a bit. When I even suggested taking some money from savings, I could see her face start to turn red. So that was the end of that. After $1500 for the WSOP event on the 22nd and Wayne Brady Tickets, Plane Tickets and Rental Car for a week, That doesn't leave the huge bankroll I'd imagined. Oh well, $2/$4 is fun, right?

I need a favor from everyone who has an account at Royal Vegas Poker. Please go to Poker Forum Challenge and sign up for the Poker Forum Challenge as a player for Poker Source Online. It's completely free, and you can even play in the freeroll tournament if you want to. I'm going to try, but I'll be in Vegas on that Saturday. We need as many people as we can to sign up to get prize money for PSO. They give it back in the form of another freeroll. You don't have to join PSO. If you don't have an account on Royal Vegas Poker, you can sign up for free and they give you $10 to screw around with just for signing up.

Well, I have 11 days until Vegas, and no money in online poker accounts.....There's a freeroll at Party Poker every day for $5000 that opens at 4:20 Eastern and begins at 6:20 eastern. Unlike every other freeroll party has had, this one doesn't fill up in seconds. I signed up tuesday an hour and a half after it opened. I don't know what they have against west coasters that actually have JOBS, but I guess that's a good thing for those of us who aren't on the west coast and get off work at a decent hour.

Vegas Bound

I just booked my tickets to Vegas. I'll be going on June 19th and returning on June 26th. Eight days in Vegas.

I originally was planning on going from the 20th to the 26th but I saved $50 by going out on Sunday instead of Monday. The rental car cost the same for 8 days instead of 7, and I'm staying with a friend so I didn't have to pay for an extra day for a hotel room.

I'm staying at what looks like corporate housing that a friend has rented through July 16th. Nice looking place with a sauna and a pool. Five bedrooms makes it convenient for him to give me a place. Hopefully there are blackout curtains because I don't plan on sleeping much while it's dark, if you know what I mean.

KingLucky will be coming out on the 22nd, hopefully I am still playing when he arrives so he can root me on from the rail. We make a great casino team, because we both can play for about 48 hours straight. Plus he's splitting the cost of the rental car. Another $75 saved.

And now for the big news, I will be playing in the $1500 NLHE event on June 22nd. It's a very steep price for me and my small time poker play, but I have managed to generate some overlay and I can pay for everything with my poker bankroll, so why not? I'll be able to tell everyone I play poker with that I played in the WSOP. I guess I could tell them that anyway, but this way I WON'T be lying!

All I need to do is finish in the money to make a profit, even if it's just a save. I'm still a "small time poker player in Oklahoma" like the subtitle of this blog says, even though folks like the stripper have made fun of me for that. I do think I have some skills, but like I told my friend RZ, if I get to a final table full of pros, I might as well be playing my cards face up.

I'm going to try and trade percentages with anyone who will take a flying leap and accept mine. Hopefully a blogger or two will play, and hopefully ones who don't think I'm a complete asshole. If there are any.

Phil Hellmuth sucks

The $1,500 buy-in Limit Hold'em event #4 with 1049 players finally had play suspended for the day at a little past 3:00 am. Phil Hellmuth, will not be among those returning. He was eliminated in the 42 spot and received $4,200 in prize money.

Big deal, 42nd place, right?

This is the 48th time Phil the Brat has finished in the money in a WSOP event.

Nobody's ever done that. Not even the folks that have been playing since the seventies.

Nobody has more bracelets than Phil. Nobody has won the main event at a younger age than Phil. Nobody has sustained the level of play over time that Phil has.

Phil Hellmuth is the greatest tournament poker player alive. No matter how much people hate him, it's true.

CSI > Quincy

Here's my favorite play from yesterday. It's a VERY basic play, and everyone should be familiar with it. In fact I would hope it's the first REAL BLUFF that most beginners should learn after they have advanced to rock phase.

***** Hand History for Game 2144270136 *****
30/60 TourneyTexasHTGameTable (NL) (Tournament 12751141) - Thu Jun 02 18:07:30 EDT 2005
Table Table 11589 (Real Money) -- Seat 9 is the button
Total number of players : 10
Seat 1: OklahomaDug (980)
Seat 2: jasonbourque (810)
Seat 3: Tug88 (950)
Seat 4: joez11 (1180)
Seat 5: csk623 (640)
Seat 6: forli145 (300)
Seat 7: Bluebah (675)
Seat 8: h8dafuknrvr (770)
Seat 9: turk90 (820)
Seat 10: bagger79 (875)
bagger79 posts small blind (15)
OklahomaDug posts big blind (30)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to OklahomaDug [ 9c, 5d ]
jasonbourque folds.
Tug88 folds.
joez11 folds.
csk623 folds.
forli145 folds.
Bluebah folds.
h8dafuknrvr folds.
turk90 raises (60) to 60
bagger79 calls (45)
OklahomaDug calls (30)
** Dealing Flop ** : [ 8c, 8h, 3s ]
bagger79 checks.
OklahomaDug checks.
turk90 bets (100)
bagger79 folds.
OklahomaDug calls (100)
** Dealing Turn ** : [ Ts ]
OklahomaDug checks.
turk90 checks.
** Dealing River ** : [ 4s ]
OklahomaDug bets (300)
turk90 folds.
** Summary **
Main Pot: 680
Board: [ 8c 8h 3s Ts 4s ]
OklahomaDug balance 1200, bet 460, collected 680, net +220
jasonbourque balance 810, didn't bet (folded)
Tug88 balance 950, didn't bet (folded)
joez11 balance 1180, didn't bet (folded)
csk623 balance 640, didn't bet (folded)
forli145 balance 300, didn't bet (folded)
Bluebah balance 675, didn't bet (folded)
h8dafuknrvr balance 770, didn't bet (folded)
turk90 balance 660, lost 160 (folded)
bagger79 balance 815, lost 60 (folded)

This is why Min Raises Make Baby Jesus Cry. When the small blind called, I had to call 30 to get into a 180 pot. There aren't a lot of hands that are better than 6 to 1 against another. With 95o though I will have to catch perfect to win a showdown, but the raiser is so weak here I don't feel like I have to catch perfect to win the hand.

The most important event for me in the hand was when the small blind folded. I have decided on the flop that I am going to represent an 8. So I have three fears: #1 - The button doubled the blind with A8. #2 The small blind has an 8. #3 The button has Aces or Kings and cannot lay them down.

If #1 were true, then I don't think the button would have bet 100 on the flop. If #2 were true, the SB never would have folded to the bet of 100. So all I need to dodge is #3. When the raiser checks the turn, I'm not afraid of #3 anymore.

The third spade on the river was the complication that I didn't want. But it looks like the button was convinced I had an eight when he insta-folded on my river bet.

There are a lot of basic elements to a bluff that I don't think a lot of beginners consider. I am considering EXACTLY what card I am representing, and whether it is believable that I have that card. I am considering what cards the main opponent might have and whether he is the kind of player that will respond to pressure. I am also considering any other players that might interfere with the play I have in mind.

CSI > Quincy

Last night, in a fit of boredom, I watched an episode of Quincy. UHF is great, isn't it? A 25 year old show on in prime time. Mrs. Bogey has a master's degree in criminal justice. We met in a criminal justice class in college that was taught by a Doctor who was a medical examiner in New York City for over a decade. So any television show that deals with trace evidence and medical examiners is must see TV in our household. Needless to say she loves all the CSI shows, even with all the flaws. "Quincy," aka "Quincy, M.E." is just the 1976 version of CSI. Ironically, it appeared in exactly the same time slot as CSI: Criminal Investigation, the flagship of the CSI family of shows.

The fascinating things to look at between CSI and Quincy are the differences between the shows. The plots are exactly the same. Someone's been murdered, and the ME must find evidence to both find the killer and prove he did the deed.

But in Quicy the producers were much more limited in what they could show, and how they had to deal with the grisly nature of the material they were presenting. There were ZERO bodies on Quincy's examination table. Everything is shot from 12 inches above the table and up, with Jack Klugman and Robert Ito miming extremely fake autopsy moves. At one point Klugman says "I'm going inside," and picks up a scalpel and swishes it just below the frame, supposely opening the victim's chest cavity. Not even slightly convincing, and yet they immediately cut away.

And what did they cut away to? Quincy's boss. I'm trying to remember the character's name. Oh yes, I believe it was "Mid-level government paper-pushing weasel." This guys job is to say something so inanely stupid that people forget that Quincy just sliced, diced and julienned a human being in the other room.

In CSI, you get all the gross details. You get to see inside the victims brains as the bullet penetrates. What a difference between 2005 and 1976! The victims are always layed out on the examining table naked, with their prohibited parts lit so brightly they are burned out of the picture. A brilliant technique to maintain realism and still get past the censors. But there is very little comic relief, and especially not a built in comic relief character like Quincy's boss. The show is very morose, very grim, and extremely depressing.

The laughable part is when they announce before certain episodes that "Parental Discretion is Advised." Shouldn't parental discretion be advised on ALL episodes of CSI, not just the ones that deal with sexual perversion? If you mention a grown man who wears diapers, parents must be warned, but if you have violently graphic details of a human body's destruction, parents should fend for themselves? Silly.

A difficult offer to refuse

A friend of mine instant messengered me today. He was in Memphis, driving his convertible from the east coast to Vegas. He's coming through Oklahoma City and we're going to have lunch or dinner tomorrow.

In the IM I told him I was thinking about driving to Vegas for the tournament instead of flying so I could have my car out there. Since he is doing it, I thought about doing that too.

He said "Come with me!"

He wanted me to drive with him the rest of the way, then fly back on Sunday.

Man, what an interesting offer. I love to drive, so I know the trip would be fun. But I would have to take Friday off work, which would be difficult, and that is an understatement. But I could stay past Sunday pretty easily, because taking next week off of work would be no problem.

Another huge benefit....I would be there in time to meet a lot of the bloggers....Man, what a temptation.

But my buddy King Lucky already has tickets to go out there on the 22nd, and I don't think I could swing going to Vegas twice in one month, and stay married. I could do one or the other but not both. So I could strand my friend in Vegas alone and blow off the tournament on the 22nd, or I can say no to my other friend and continue as planned.

Very difficult decision, but it looks like Vegas is going to have to wait.

Craps Refresher

I have read several posts this weekend from bloggers that want to shoot Craps in Vegas and either haven't played in a while or ever, and they want to learn.

I am not a Craps expert. I haven't lost as much as TJ, but I have lost my share. Enough to know all the plays, and the difference between the good ones and the bad.

Craps is a fun game, as evidenced by all the screaming and hollering you hear from an active Craps table in a Casino. Because of odds multipliers, you can really win money fast on a hot table. But you can also lose money fast on a choppy table.

Undoubtedly you have heard that Craps offers some of the best odds in the Casino. While this is true, there's a catch. (There's ALWAYS a catch.) There are good odds on the Craps table, and there are some HORRENDOUS odds. In fact you can make the exact same bet two different ways on a Craps table, and get different odds.

Here's the basic way the game goes. The shooter places a bet on either the pass line or don't pass line and rolls the dice. Everyone else also bets on this roll. The first roll is called the come out. If he rolls a 7 (natural) or an 11 (yo) anyone who placed a bet on the pass line wins even money. Anyone on the don't pass line loses. If he rolls a 2, 3 or 12 (craps) anyone on the pass line loses, and anyone on the don't pass line wins even money (except if it is 12, the don't pass player just pushes.)

If the roll is 4,5,6,8,9 or 10, that becomes the point. The shooter continues to roll until he either rolls the point again, or rolls a 7. If he rolls the number again, the pass line wins and the don't pass loses. If he rolls a 7 first, the don't pass wins and the pass line loses.

Sounds pretty simple, and it is. What complicates things is odds bets. Odds bets are complicated, but they are what makes Craps one of the best values in the Casino.

Once the point is established, the bettor can place odds on his bet. These odds are payed out exactly even with the chance that the number will occur. So if the point is 10, and you have $5 on the pass line, you can place odds bets behind your $5 that pay true odds.

True Odds means that the chance that a 10 will come before a 7 is the multiplier on your bet. Since there are six different ways a 7 can occur, and only three ways a 10 can occur, you get double your money on an odds bet on the 10. If you put $10 odds behind your $5 pass line bet, you will collect $20 for your odds bet, $5 for your pass line bet, plus get your pass and odds bets back.

The same odds can be played on Don't Pass bets, these are called Lay Odds and they pay 1 to 2 on a 10. If you have $5 on the Don't Pass and back it with $10 Lay odds and a 7 is rolled before a 10 occurs, you win $5 for your Lay Odds bet, $5 for your Don't Pass bet and you get your don't pass and odds bets back.

To figure the odds on other numbers, figure the number of times it can occur on two six-sided dice and divide six by that number. On Pass bets, for 6 or 8, you get 1.4 times your bet. For 5 or 9 you get 1.5 times your bet. Don't pass bets are just the opposite.

To make matters more complicated, you can make a bet EXACTLY like a pass line bet AFTER the point has been established, by placing a Come bet. If you put money into the come area, it works exactly like a Pass Line bet, winning on a 7 or 11, losing on 2,3 or 12. Otherwise, the shooter must hit the number again before he rolls a 7. You can make odds bets on these Come bets, just like a pass line bet.

Don't Come bets are exactly the opposite. You are betting the shooter will roll a seven before he hits the come number again. Odds work the same as Don't Come odds.

The amount of odds you can take on a pass line or come bet is determined by the Casino, and is displayed on every Craps table on a placard that says "Max Odds = x" Some limit it to 2 or 3x odds, many allow up to 10x, and I have seen some that allow up to 100x odds. Since these bets have NO house advantage, it is recommended to bet as much on odds as you can afford.

There are many other bets on the Craps table, and almost all of them are bad bets.

One that isn't too bad is the place bet on the 6 or 8. While true odds pay 1.4 to 1 on 6 or 8, place bets pay less(1.166 to 1). So instead of getting paid $7 on a $5 odds bet, you will have to bet $6 to win $7 on the place bet. That difference is the house edge.

You can also BUY true odds on a number bet, which is recommended for the 4 or 10. For $1 per $20 bet, you can buy true odds. That $1 fee is the house edge.

Other bets, such as the Field, the big 6 or big 8, the hardways and the hop bets, are sucker bets. All bets placed in the middle are sucker bets, especially the Any Craps, Any Seven or Eleven bets. The house edge is huge, and these bets should be avoided.

The Big 6 and Big 8 are examples of bets that can be played different ways that pay different amounts. If you put $6 on the Big 8 and it hits, you win $6. But if you place the exact same $6 on the 8 and it hits, you win $7. Same bet, different payout.

The largest single bet ever played in Las Vegas was played at a craps table. A fellow carried one million dollars into Binions Horseshoe and put it on the Don't Pass line, considered to be one of the best single bets in a Casino. If you can dodge that first 7, of which there is only a 6 in 36 chance (especially considering that in 3 of those rolls you win and one you push, and it's only a 6 in 32 chance) then you have an advantage over the house, no matter what the point is. Benny Binion himself approved the bet, and the fellow rolled a natural. Later in the day the fellow killed himself.

Poker Money vs. Non-Poker Money

I'm kind of twisted in the fact that I don't use poker money to buy non-poker stuff. My poker bankroll is independent of my other money, so if I want to get something "pokery" I use poker money to buy it. If I have poker money to spend, I try to use it for something "pokery." I have used my comps at PokerSourceOnline.com for poker related items only, like poker chips, poker tables, etc.

This is kind of a stretch, but I used an amazon.com gift certificate I earned using PSO points to get this: (despite being advised against this particular model by a polite reader who was very kind to email, sorry I ignored your advice.)



I know, it's not specifically a poker item, but I will definitely use it when I'm playing in the WSOP event this year, and plan on using it whenever I play live.

This thing is really very kick ass. It's TINY, much smaller than I expected, and very thin. It comes with a little faux leather case with a belt clip, but it slips so easily in my pocket I don't use it.

It holds 6 gigs of music or other MP3/WMA audio, and has a built in battery that is good for 15-20 hours. It recharges via USB or AC outlet, which is kind of handy.

One of the things I really like about it is when you hook it up to a computer, it behaves exactly like a 6gig hard drive. So I can also use it to transfer larger files from home to work. This is very handy for me, as I only have about 3 gigs of music on it right now, leaving plenty of room for file transfers. While I have plenty of audio on my hard drives at home, I have a difficult time finding more than 3 gigs of stuff that's actually worth listening to. Right now I am enjoying the "Garden State" soundtrack. I enjoyed the movie as well.

I got $200 in gift certificates from Poker Source Online and the Rio Carbon Pearl cost $175 including shipping, so I will probably buy a poker book with the remainder.
Not too bad for just playing poker. Whenever I play and I'm not receiving a bonus of some kind, I feel like I am getting ripped off.

Return of the Donkeys

I played in another Oklahoma tourney last night, and it was Donkey City. These players were the worst. Anytime you hear "I won that hand because it's my birthday," you know the fishies are swimmin'.

The first hand I played was Q4o from the big blind. Blinds are 10/20 and the stacks start around 3000. 5 players and the flop is Q87. I bet the pot, 100 chips. I get 4 callers. Well, that told me a lot. The turn is a 4. I hit the two pair, so I pot it again, 600. Two callers. River is a 6, and I know I'm dead. SB checks, I check, and the button turns over 55. The small blind shows A5. Neither bet their straight.

So I say "Fuck it, I'm outta here." Next hand is THE HAMMER. Beautiful unsuited 72. I raise to 800 Pre-flop. I figure the best thing I can do right now is bust out and get home early. I get five callers. There are only six other players there, for christ's sake. Flop is K77. Sweet! Nobody can think I have a seven because I raised pre flop, and anyone with a king or an ace will pay me off. I bet 100, hoping to get called in every place again. All fold.

I would think I have a tell or something, but these donkeys are too dumb to even look for them. All I can guess is that nobody had an ace or a king, which seems ludicrous if you consider that I raised FORTY times the big blind pre-flop. FIVE people called 40x and wouldn't call a 100 bet.

The worst part was there was a guy, one of the organizers, that took about a minute to make every play. Fold pre-flop? That's going to take a minute. Call a bet? 60 more seconds. A bet and a raise? Take a lunch, you'll be there a while. His wife was there and took 2 seconds to call all-in with a gutshot straight flush draw, up against a made full house. At least she had an out.

And beer was only $1.75. Too bad I get up at 5AM for work.

Poker Coin

A while back I placed an order from PokerCoin and I did a little review of the products I received. I had ordered a card protector and a keychain, you can see the card protector here. It's the one in the middle.

In my review, I said I was kind of disappointed in the card protector because it only has content on one side, and I wished it was more like the keychain.

Lo and behold, Brian at PokerCoin read my review and wrote me an email saying he wished I had ordered a different coin. He carries some coins for resale, but he also makes his own. The one I didn't like was one he resells, and he wanted to get my impression of the ones he makes.

For free, he sent me two more coins, ones that he made and they are FAR superior to the "I'm not Bluffing - Read 'em and Weep" coin that I bought from him.



The one on the left comes in many colors, so I requested "Hot Pink." It's pretty pink, although it looks more red in this photo and in the dark most people think it's red. It came in an airtight case, but can be easily removed.

The true star of the show is the one on the right in the picture. It's larger and has a lot more detail. There are holes surrounding the main design in the middle, and it is numbered because it is a limited edition. The detail on the engraving is incredible, you really have to feel this one to get a true appreciation of it, especially the shark on the back. It came in a jewelry type case, perfect for gift giving. If any poker wives see this post, this is a fantastic present to suprise your husband with, and vice versa. The big one is only $20 plus shipping, which is reasonable. I just checked the web site, and they are selling this card protector for $15 now.

Obviously the service is beyond compare. I didn't even complain directly to them about my purchase, and they made it right just from an offhand mention that one of the coins I ordered didn't quite live up to expectations. I suspect if anyone ordered something and wasn't happy with the quality, it would be quickly replaced or easily returned.

I will be taking both of these coins to Las Vegas with me to show to Mike Jackness from PokerSourceOnline. Hopefully he will start carrying them in the PSO store so people with around 2500 pso points from rakeback or promotions can order them. I think they would be a real hit. They are extravagant pieces, almost artwork. I've used them in two different casinos now, and everyone who asks to see them goes "WOW."

Meanest Poker Blog

I've had the distinct pleasure of being mentioned in other people's blogs, both me personally, and this here blog, Go Be Rude. While some people dance around the subject, the conclusion I draw is that this blog is perceived as being MEAN.

I think that's because this blog IS MEAN!

I'm a pretty mean person. I don't hide behind euphamisms like "I tell it like it is," or "I'm just being honest." Bullshit. I take pleasure in insulting people. I love taking people down a peg. Almost everyone I have ever met isn't as smart as they think they are, or at least not as smart as they want us to think they are.

When I insult someone, I almost always get the same response. I say "You're an idiot," and their reply inevitably comes "You're a bigger idiot." That is a logical fallacy, and a poor argument. It may be so that I'm an idiot, but that doesn't stop you from being an idiot.

OF COURSE I'm an idiot. We're all fricking idiots. I do idiotic things all the time, and I don't mind at all when someone points it out to me. MY INEVITABLE response, if I in fact acted like an idiot, is "You're right, that was pretty stupid." If I don't feel I was acting like an idiot, I'll defend my action. I will NEVER just attack back and call them a bigger idiot.

Everyone does stupid things, and the ability to laugh at yourself, even when someone is laughing at you, is a fine quality. Even admirable, because a lot of people don't have it.

The other thing that always happens when you have a little spat with another poker player is that they will challenge you to a heads-up poker game. This somehow PROVES something to them. "If I can beat you in poker, that means I'm smarter than you, and therefore not an idiot like you said." Again, logical fallacy, but now magnified by the fact that a heads-up game doesn't prove anything.

I was involved in one of these "I'm smarter than you" dick-measuring challenge arguments recently at PSO. Some guy gave out poor advice, then set about calling everyone that disagreed with his assertion that you should "Always play A5o to a raise" an inferior poker player to himself. I never even addressed his poker advice, which was atrocious. I just pointed to another thread where said "Poker Expert" was begging for money because he was completely broke. My insult, which was really more of a joke at his expense, was that nobody should take poker advice from someone who can't rub two quarters together. (The other essential element to a good insult is that it be FUNNY.)

This guy went completly crazy, posting IQ scores and demanding I meet him for a live poker game for $500. I proposed some alternate solutions, then let him off the hook when he admitted he didn't have the money for the contest. He should have known better than to bluff a poker player.

My conclusion is that I think most people misunderstand the meanness of this blog. Primarily they misunderstand that when I insult someone, I am not claiming any kind of superiority to them, mental or otherwise. I don't claim to be smarter than everyone I insult, and I certainly don't claim to be a better poker player than everyone I insult. But I still think everyone, without exception, can be taken down a peg or two.

Especially if done so in a funny way.

Domination

King Lucky called me to take this one over with 12,000 in chips, so he could go eat dinner. This is when I went to bed.

Poker Comic #22

To show or not to show.

Double As posted in his blog about a hand where he semi-bluffed with a king kicker with two pair on the board against a very LAGgy player. At the end of the hand he showed his cards.

Someone named Pete Birks posted this in comments:

Ask yourself this question.

Why do you really think you elected to show your opponent your hole cards after winning this pot?

Was it:

a) a rational play that could well put him or her on tilt.

b) something that made you feel good because it showed the rest of the table how you had outplayed your opponent.

If (a), did you subsequently check to see whether it had the desired effect?

If (b), you should have no need to shout "look how good I am!" Winning the money is proof enough.

I never show cards, whether I have a hand or I do not, because I usually find that information that another player gives me that he does not have to disclose (usually a good hand in a freeze-out and a poor hand in a cash game) is useful ammunition for when at a later date the player does not disclose his hand.

BTW, my usual comment when someone shows cards as in the above situation is "you just couldn't resist showing it, could you? ". Alternatively, I may say "you were winning" (whether this is true or not).

Tends to turn any intended tilt back on the card shower, and I haven't had to disclose any cards to do it.

I took issue with this comment, for several reasons.

The number one reason is that this is strippers argument. Anytime someone says that a certain move in poker, whether it be playing 72o or showing cards is ALWAYS wrong, they are full of shit.

Some people will not grasp the fact that there is never a play that is "always right no matter what the circumstances are."

But number two, this guys contention seems to be "The only reason people show cards on a bluff is because they are assholes."

This is naive, not to mention pointless. Not only is putting people on tilt possible, with a LAGgy player to begin with it is PROBABLE.

Showing a bluff gives information, yes. But showing bluffs causes people to make adjustments. When people make adjustments, you are taking them out of their game. Like Mike Tyson says "Everyone has a plan until they get hit." Showing a bluff is a hit. It's an assault on a person's ego.


But what if he is only doing it to "make himself feel good." So the fuck what? If it is successful in making the other player look like a fool, what is so wrong with that?

It's healthy to be exposed as a fool sometimes, especially when you ARE a fool, but even when you are just acting like one.

P.S. EVERYBODY says "you were winning" when a bluff is shown. This guy has a HUGE talent for stating the obvious. Everybody knows that when you talk about your cards without showing them, YOU ARE LYING. Get over yourself, you can't put someone on tilt this way.


P.P.S. Don't go read this guy's blog unless you want to know what movies he watches and what he eats for dinner. GOD DAMN I fucking hate blogs that are nothing but narcissistic bullshit. I know I think a lot of myself, but even I'm not so self-centered that I think everybody wants to know what color my shit is.

Zero Shanna Hiatt hits!

The best thing about adding StatCounter is that you can be constantly entertained by what google searches end up hitting your blog. It seems pretty dependent on what you use for your Blog Title and your Post Title.

This is the first day since I added StatCounter that I didn't see a single hit on a Shanna Hiatt search. There have been days where the searches were only for Shawna Hyatt, or Shana Hyat, but today there isn't even a misspelling. She quits the WPT and BANG, she quits getting me hits from internet perverts.

Anyway, there are still some funny search hits in todays Recent Keyword Activity...

Free Rude Cards

I don't know if this guy is looking for playing cards with naked ladies on them or what. I think my dad had a set of those in 1975. Now they make them with Osama Bin Laden on them instead. 1975 was better.

dealing with a bunch of old rude people

I sure hope my blog helped this guy. Excessive use of the word "fuck" may have done the trick.

don't play poker with people named after cities

Kind of ironic, since my username at Party Poker is OklahomaDug....not really named after a city, but a state. Maybe I should have gone with OklahomaCityDug to REALLY intimidate people. I more likely would have chosen OakCityDug though.

rude comics

Getting closer....Shit I haven't done a comic yet this week. I'll need to log on and listen closely....it will happen, it usually doesn't take very long. Or I can just rip off something I read in another blog. That works especially well.

Fuck Oklahoma

BINGO! I knew someone would get it exactly right! I hope he was upset AT Oklahoma, and not looking for some kind of tourism organization for sleazy tours of the beautiful countryside with Oklahoma women.....or Oklahoma livestock. Ewwww.

Table Selection

You know, I'm an idiot.

I don't think I learn things traditionally. Or I don't understand what learning things traditionally really means. Because I don't just gather information. It always comes over me like a revalation. And I always, without fail, say "Damn, it's so fricking obvious!"

I always thought I practiced good table selection. I would observe tables before I sat, check out table statistics and only play in games I thought were good. What never occurred to me is that table selection also means, "LEAVE THE TABLE WHEN THE GAME GETS BAD." If you had asked me a week ago if table selection included leaving the table when you know it's not good anymore, I'd have had no idea what you are talking about. (Incidentally, I wish you had asked me that a long time ago, so I would have thought about it.)

When a table gets "Bad" it usually means some players have arrived that are either playing a style that I'm not comfortable with, or have figured out how I am playing and have a good strategy against my plays. For every type of play there is an optimum strategy to defeat that style. Instead of leaving, I'd try to adjust my game to beat them.

That's not table selection. That's EGO. I think I can beat anyone, no matter how good they are or how they are playing. I even feel ridiculous saying that, because it's obviously NOT true. If it were I'd be playing for a living. And even if I could, why should I? There are plenty of other games out there, why not just find more fishies?

Single Table Tournaments (SNGs) might be exacerbating the problem. You can't practice table selection at a SNG, you have to beat the players that are there. But there's usually not eight sharks at a SNG, especially the low leves that I play. So you beat the fishies to make the money, and by then the blinds have gotten so high that it becomes enough of a crapshoot that only the most inexperienced players will be put at a disadvantage. I may not be a great player, but I know how to even the odds at an all-in crapshoot.

So you get used to adjusting your game (shifting gears) late in a SNG to push for the big win, and you think you can make adjustments on the fly at a cash game the same way. You're used to playing at least half-decent players at the end of SNGs and you usually do pretty well against them, so you should be able to beat them in a ring game, right? WRONG. The blinds put a completely different kind of pressure on you in tournament games. There is no pressure in a cash game.

So here's the revalation part. Being good at Table selection really means OVERCOMING YOUR EGO. If the nature of the table changes, don't muscle up and try to beat the game. GET YOUR ASS UP AND FIND A BETTER GAME.

"Damn, it's so fricking obvious."

Kevin Smith plays at UB

On top of the poker obsession, I am a HUGE Kevin Smith fan. For those who don't know, Kevin Smith is a writer and director of films such as Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma and Jersey Girl. He also appears in all of those films (except Jersey Girl) as Silent Bob. I might be more of a fan of the man than I am of his work.

The first film I saw was Dogma, which I loved for obvious reasons. From there I saw Mall Rats, Clerks and Chasing Amy. Since then, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Jersey Girl have been released. The audio commentaries are fantastic, the DVDs of his college talks "An Evening with Kevin Smith" are hilarious and very insightful of the Hollywood process from an outsider's perspective.

I even bought his book "Silent Bob Speaks." It's a collection of magazine and webzine articles he's written over the last couple of years. Smith is the kind of writer I aspire to be someday. He's witty and vulgar, harsh and warm at the same time. He doesn't shy away from difficult subjects, but never takes anything too seriously. His retort to those who called "Dogma" sacreligious is often "The movie with the rubber poop monster?"

I was reading his Blog and he mentioned a night he spent responding to critics of his review of the latest Star Wars film on some internet site where people insult moviemakers. So I checked out the place called "Rotten Tomatoes." It's the kind of site that is lampooned very effectively in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." He posted over a 12 hour period, mixing it up with assholes and ass lickers. Around 3:00 AM his time, after responding for hours and hours, he writes this:

This place has become like UltimateBet.com: I know I should call it a night, but I keep thinking that good hand is right around the corner.

Holy shit! He plays online poker too....I wonder what his UB username is?

Everybody Hates Raymond

I had fun watching the last half of the Blogger/Reader Tourney last night, those railbirds are so rambunctious. Congrats to JoeSpeaker, well done.

I sweated a buddy of mine in the PSO FREEWSOP tournament last night and he beat 54 players to win a seat and a trip to the WSOP Main event. Congrats Zagnut! I've never seen a guy in so much shock after winning. For a $110 buy in that you can actually earn for free by doing a poker room promotion, that's the best deal in WSOP qualifiers if you ask me. There's a ton of overlay, and most of the players are REALLY BAD, because they got their entry chip for free. I would play but the seats are not tranferrable or saleable, and I just cannot play in the Main Event. I will be playing in the event on June 22, and I am happy with that.

And tonight is the last episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Wow, it's fashionable to say bad things about this show isn't it? What all those people neglect to mention is that the show is funny. It's not the funniest show in the history of television, and a lot of people have their underpants in a wad because of how much money it generates, but the show is, at times, DAMN funny.

I always appreciated the show because it's about a couple with kids, but the show is NOT ABOUT HAVING KIDS. I can't think of another show on television where it's a family with kids and having kids was not the focus of the show. Even shows like that horrible Paul Reiser/Helen Hunt show that wasn't about kids eventually became OBSESSED with children. But Everybody Loves Raymond said specifically at the beginning that it's not really about the kids.

And I appreciated that, because "Family" television pisses me off. I have a "Family." My "Family" doesn't happen to include children. But "Family" television is really a euphamism for CHILDREN'S TELEVISION. So am I to assume this means there's something WRONG with my family because it doesn't include CHILDREN?

I never went out of my way to watch Everybody Loves Raymond, but I never turned it off if it was on. Many times the show spoke to me, especially when the show concerned dealing with In-Laws.

But the PMS episode of Everybody Loves Raymond is one of the funniest things I have ever seen on television. First of all they do the cool Seinfeld thing where they don't actually SAY that they are talking about PMS, they just assume you know what they are talking about. They don't even euphamise "Masturbation" with "Master of your Domain." They just talk around the actual name, because that's the way people are when you talk about Menstruation.

I espeically liked the inside dig that Ray Romano was respoding to in a comedy bit that Rick Sheidner did about how to treat your wife when she has PMS. Sheidner says "Just give them a hug and tell them that you love them." In Ray's show his wife suggests this too. Raymond's response is "It's hard to hug someone when they are TRYING TO KILL YOU!"

He also says one of the funniest visual lines I've ever heard, and I've stolen it many times for my own purposes. Ray responds to his wife's denial that she has PMS by saying that she, for no real reason "Rips into him like a monkey on a cupcake." That is GODDAMN funny, especially when you picture it.

Ray tries everything he can to alleviate the problems he has dealing with his wife's PMS. He tries to get her to take some medication. He asks his friends if the drugstore has anything for it, and they reply "The drugstore has an entire WING devoted to that." His wife, of course, is offended by the assertion that her being upset is irrational, and he wants to keep her drugged up so he doesn't have to deal with her.

So Ray tracks her cycle on a calendar, and tape records her during one of her PMS tirades, and plays it back later when she insists that she was not PMSing. This, of course, only makes things worse.

They arrive at no solutions on the show, and there is no way to make things better. All we are left with is the realization that this is how things are going to be, and this is what we will have to deal with. It's our cross to bear. There's no easy solution, no magic pill, no magic incantation we can say to make PMS go away. The subject was dealt with in an adult, mature and yet HILARIOUS manner.

Everybody Loves Raymond always gave its viewers that type of respect. The jokes were never condescending and the situations were often very real, especially to married people who have to deal with their spouses parents. I understand why many people never got the show, because if you're not married or don't have to deal with exasperating In-Laws, you might not understand some of the issues the show used for its comedy. But those of us that do understand, will miss it.

Problems with my solution

Alan brings up some excellent points:

Unfortunately, there are two problems with this for me:

1. I already have an Absolute account.
2. Their software sucks so much I can't even stand to play there. When betting in NL, I can't select the amount and start typing - I have to hit BACKSPACE on the default number that shows up in the box before typing a new one.

1) Rumor has it (2+2, so take it with a grain of salt) that you can easily convince customer service at Absolute Poker to cancel your current account and begin a new one with a new affiliate. Even if you tell them that it's just so you can get on a rakeback program. One poster even claims that they added some bonus cash to his account to make up for the absolute points he would be losing. Absolute is having a BIG push right now, I bet you can do it.

2) Yes, the software is a resource hog, and is at times laggy. But once you adjust to it, it's not really that bad. They have even improved it lately so it's not nearly as slow as it used to be.

I never type the dollar amount in at NL tables, and I never use the slider. I always click on the bar to the left or the right of the slider, and it adjusts the amount up or down the value of the minimum bet. So if the min bet is $20, and you click to the right of the slider 4 times, it goes right to $100. Learned that trick from King Lucky, so thank him when you use it. And you will use it. EVERYWHERE.

Another benefit to Absolute is the SNGs, while they don't earn you rakeback or bonus points, they are REALLY juicy. The players are awful and you can just wait them out because you start with T1500 and the blinds go super slow. I know I've said this over and over, but it's true. It feels like free money.

Empire Building

The Problem

Empire Poker seems to have pissed a lot of people off. Well, not people specifically, but bonus whores. Seems there was an abundance of people who ONLY played at Empire when they were working on a bonus, and played a different Party Poker skin when they weren't. Empire was unhappy with those people, and unceremoniously BANNED them from playing at Empire Poker ever again.

The arguments over whether this is a fair move or not are pointless. The T&C dictate that it was LEGAL, and therefore fairness doesn't enter into the equation. Was it a good business move? Some say yes, some say no. Party and her skins do not have a reputation for good customer service in the first place, so it's not like they are going to take a CS rating hit. They are pissing off players that they never made money on in the first place, so there's no downside there.

What makes it seem unfair is that these people were only following policies that Empire Poker established themselves. Rather than alter the policy so that people cannot take advantage of the site, Empire decided to eliminate the people who were taking advantage. I fear they are not looking at the bonus offerings as a whole, instead to look at each individual customer on a case-by-case basis. If the policy, looked at as a whole, was making money for Empire, then it is a good policy and should have stood. If the policy, looked at as a whole was losing money for Empire, the policy should be changed. They should not examine individual cases of how the policy affects certain players, because if they lost money on 10% and made money on 90%, then it would be silly to change the policy.

This is probably the case, and Empire simply wants to lower that percentage. But if it makes people afraid of using Empire bonuses for fear of getting banned, this could have a backlash effect on Empire that they hadn't counted on.

The net effect is that cyberspace is FILLED with people looking to replace Empire as their bonus whore site of choice.

The Solution

I propose Absolute Poker. They offer up to 50% match bonus up to $500 for the first deposit through neteller, but that's immaterial because they offer 20% bonuses FOUR DAYS A WEEK. You can ALWAYS be working on a bonus at Absolute. Just deposit your bankroll and withdraw it three days later. Then work on your bonus, which is released into your account $10 at a time every 100 hands, unlike Empire who required you to unlock the entire bonus at the same time, usually THOUSANDS of hands.

So you will make $.10 per hand just playing at Absolute Poker.

Not good enough?

Okay, how about 27.5% of your rake back? And unlike EVERY OTHER RAKEBACK DEAL I HAVE EVER HEARD OF, you can generate rakeback AT THE SAME TIME AS YOU WORK ON YOUR BONUS. So if you generate $100 in rake while earning $100 in bonus, you will have made $127 in 1000 hands.

If you are a bonus whore, you should have just said "HOLY SHIT!" Because that is the best deal in online poker, BAR NONE. Because you make more money per hand at any level, and this deal NEVER ENDS. If you are playing poker somewhere else and not getting paid for it, you are a CHUMP.

To do this deal, go sign up at FrequentFlopper.com. Use referral code DuggleBogey and your beloved author will receive $5 for his troubles. That is all I have to gain from sharing this valuable information with you.

Stolen Content

I too, am a victim of content thievery. It happens to us all. Even my profanity laden missives have been absconded with.

The perpetrators, in my case, were www.poker.lt, whatever that is. On advice of The Poker Geek I employed CopyScape. Their protection graphic can be seen at the right of the page.

And wonder of wonders, after I added the "DO NOT COPY" graphic to my page, my content was removed from the offending website. I can't even get to that site anymore, it looks like they are having "issues." Let that be a lesson, don't fuck with The Geek.

I unfortunately didn't get the opportunity to threaten any thieves with physical violence. Rest assured, I would have. My favorite part is when they claim to call the cops. They are dealing with POKER bloggers here. We can spot a bad bluff all the way from South Dakota. I can hear the police dispatcher now..."Some anonymous person you stole from threatened you over the internet? I'll call the SWAT team right away..."

Poker Comic #21

Overlay

Man, I love overlay. There was a time when I wouldn't play any MTTs online unless there was overlay. Many times I joined a tournament early when it looked like there was going to be overlay, just to have a ton of people join at the last minute to ruin it.

For those who don't know, overlay is money on top of the prize pool contributed by the players. Usually in online tournaments these are guaranteed prize pools, and they only come into effect when not enough people sign up for the tourney. If there's a $2000 guaranteed tournament that has a $20 buy in, if there's less than 100 people in the tourney, there's overlay.

This thing The Online Series of Poker has a TON of overlay.

There's 10 tournaments, and all the prize money, minus the fees, goes into the prize pool. Then there's $10,500 for the tournament leader board....that's overlay. Then there's a $100,000 prize added and a free trip for the 10 winners to Atlantic City from anywhere in the world.

The buy-ins are steep but reasonable. Five online poker rooms will host two tournaments each, $100+9 and $250+20. I don't see how they will make up enough in fees to pay for the overlay, but I guess they figure it's worth it to get customers to sign up for all five rooms. The ten winners get the free trip to the Taj to play in a STT, even the last place player gets $5000....HUGE overlay.

Even cooler, all five rooms have promotions available via Poker Source Online So you can do the promotions at PSO at all these rooms, and THEN sign up for this thing. (Use referral code DuggleBogey at PSO if you sign up there.)

I will probably play in the $100+9 tourneys at Absolute and Party Poker, I'm not sure about the $250+20s. Although if the field size is a lot smaller, it might be a better idea to do those instead of the $109s. If I join any of the other rooms before their events, I might play those too.

This could be a really big deal in the Online Poker world. One of the reasons live poker is attracting me less and less is because Online Poker is offering more and more.

Great Comments

I can't believe all the great comments, and so quickly...

I'll respond to a few:

You need to be very diligent about protecting your rights at the table. No one should have been allowed to sit behind you for hours, nor should you have allowed him to see your hole cards. Learn to protect your hand better.
Felicia

He absolutely did not get to see my hole cards, at least intentionally. He might have had an angle because he was in a wheelchair. If someone was leaning that height or sitting in a chair in that spot, I would have protested, but the guy was in a wheelchair, for christ's sake. I'm an asshole but I'm not THAT much of an asshole. I just thought that since he watched me play for 2 hours and then was taking notes in a notepad on every hand when he sat, I should have stood up. But my ego got in the way. I need to work on that.

Posting when sitting is actually pretty common. I am surprised when I don't have to post before the BB. Granted, if they just changed it I can understand the confusion.
Chris Halverson

The worst of it was every time someone sat down, there was a 5 minute argument about whether he should have to post, or if he would be smarter to wait, or what posting meant....it slowed an already interminable game down.

Duggle, I could be wrong, but shouldn't someone whose blog is called "Go Be Rude" be unconcerned about pissing people off with a river check-raise? :)
StudioGlyphic

Normally I love to make idiots leave by pissing them off. Hell, I busted this one guy who had one earphone in his ear all night, and played like a COMPLETE TOOL. I celebrated busting that guy, and then he rebought. TWICE! It's one of the joys of live poker. I'm not sure why it bothered me with the other guy. Maybe it was because his wife stayed. She was ten times the player he was, and was a very distinguished and classy old lady. But he kept coming back to the table and standing behind her and kind of leering at me. I didn't enjoy that.

I haven't experienced the laundry list of problems you did, save for some dealer mistakes and lack of enforcement of rules - mainly people removing their chips from the table. I've spoken up about that, as have others when it happens.

I've never had to wait more than 30 - 45 minutes for a table... I usually get there between 5:30 and 6:30.
Maudie

The wait didn't bother me, I really like the 100 Play video poker they have there, I just wish they had more than two of them. Watching the rednecks lose at tic-tac-toe to a chicken was fun too. You know out of all the people I watched, I only saw one draw! The problems are the problems....they will get worked out eventually if they can keep a staff around....but the slowness of the game was unreal. The floor should have sat behind our table to save him steps.

I might be talking out of my ass when I say I won't play at the TBird again. But I think I will move up to $4/$8 to try and make up for some of the slowness. Or try the NL game, it looked very juicy.

Quitting Poker

SirWiffleWaffle quit poker this weekend.

I thought about quitting this weekend too. It looks like SirF is quitting because he is losing. I might be the only person who thinks about quitting after winning.

When people ask me if they should quit poker, I have almost the exact same reaction as I have when people ask me if I think they should start playing poker. It's a tough question that I have no answer for. If you think you should start, you probably should. If you think you should quit, you probably should. Other that, you're pretty much on your own. People never take advice about things like that anyway.

Of course there are certain personality types that absolutely should not play poker. If you are prone to fits from frustration, or likely to become a degenerate gambler, then of course, you should not play poker. But the former should be obvious after the first couple of bad beats, and the latter will never be stopped anyways.

I thought about quitting after playing at the TBird on Friday. (Yes I saw Maudie, no, I didn't say hello.) I might just quit live poker, and almost certainly quit playing at the TBird.

I was playing $3/$6. I arrived around 7:00pm and didn't get seated until after 8:00. No big deal. When I got seated the table was full of fishies. If I were to describe the table in Maudie fashion, I'd have to say Seat 9 was a moron, seat 8 was a moron, seat 7 was a moron, seat 6 was a moron....you get the picture.

I wasn't catching any big hands at all....it makes it tougher to beat the fishies when they catch all manner of goofiness, but I was still beating these idiots. Betting every pair, betting two pair like is the absolute nuts and not understanding why trips beats their two pair.

Here's the hand that bothered me so much. I had J9s in middle position. The flop is J7J. Idiot in 9 seat bets, I raise in the 2 seat, Idiot in 7 seat calls, 9 seat calls. Turn is a K. 9 seat checks, I check, 7 seat bets, 9 seat calls, I call. River is a 3. 9 Seat checks, I check, 7 seat bets, 9 seat calls, I raise, 7 calls, 9 folds.

7 seat shows King Trey. I show my J9, Clueless Dealer (don't get me started on these winners) shoves my money toward 7 seat. Someone at the table corrects the dealer (for the zillionth time tonight) and he pushes the money to me. Idiot in 7 seat stands and gets upset. He still thinks he had the best hand. Someone explains to him that he lost, and he is so mad at me for check raising him that he collets his money, which is a HUGE stack because this moron played every hand and hit two pair EVERY TIME, and leaves the table up a TON, very disgusted with me.

This is how I play limit poker. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN SEE HOW TO WIN AT LIMIT POKER. When you have the best of it and you KNOW YOU HAVE THE BEST OF IT, whether it's because you have a monster or you know your opponents are idiots, you have to get EVERY EXTRA BET YOU CAN. That is the GAME. You don't leak extra bets, and you generate extra bets where you can. You didn't have to bet the river idiot. You didn't even have to call my check raise. If you even understood that you were counterfeited, you wouldn't have.

I bet a chased four people from the table the same way that night. And I wasn't doing very well, I was only up about $100.

This wouldn't have ordinarily have bothered me, but there were aggravating circumstances.

The table eventually got bad. I knew this, but I still couldn't leave. I lost a lot of my meager winnings playing short handed against players that I shouldn't have. One sat behind me for about 2 hours and watched every hand I played. He was in a wheelchair and was buddies with the guy next to me. I didn't see the harm until his name got called and he refused to play any other table. But I still played. I played until 5am. When I finally left there were SIX messages on my phone (which got no signal in the casino) from Mrs. Bogey, who was getting more and more PISSED OFF with every message.

Add to this that the TBird, which already takes an outrageous rake, forces you to post when you sit, or wait for the BB. The list is a mile long, but you still have to post. How retarded is that? It caught everyone off guard because they just changed the rule in the past week. Seats were constantly empty, even though the list was miles long. It took 20 minutes for them to fill a seat. The hands per hour rate is atrocious. There was one time when the dealer, who counts the cards after the river is dealt, started counting the cards out after the turn was dealt. "FLOOR!" That took 15 minutes to resolve.

And my favorite. Capped pre-flop by a half dozen players. Flop is Ace-Three-Three. Turn is a king. Capped the whole way and winner turns over KK, for the turned boat. Nice Hand. Right? After this hand there is a dealer change, and the new dealer counts the cards. 53.....There were five threes in the deck. "FLOOR!" I don't even know what should have been done in this situation....Felicia? Little help? I do know what they did....nothing.

So, since I can't seem to play a reasonable amount of time, I can't leave when the table gets bad, the rake is outrageous, the dealers are incompetent, and I piss off too many people when I play there, I don't think I will be patronizing the TBird again.

Least Heterosexual Poker Room

And the winners of the least heterosexual Poker Room contest goes to:

Poker Comic #19

I don't think he knew....

I was playing in a SNG at Absolute Poker yesterday to kill some time while I was running some jobs on my computer at home. I had a big stack after taking a player out early when I misread him for a bluff when I raised with AQs and the player after me IMMEDIATELY went all in over the top. He was playing a lot of hands very aggressively so I immediately put him on a weak hand. I called quickly and he showed QQ. Flop had an ace and Mr aggressive was down to $100. He said "nh" and I said "got lucky" and he said something that might have been innocent and might have been rude. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't tell him that going all-in with QQ in the SB for T1600 chips when there's less than T100 in the pot is a DUMB ASS play, especially if someone has raised in front of you. He was out soon anyway.

Several hands later I was in the SB with 98o and completed for some ridiculously small amount. The flop was AQJ two hearts. I figured my hand was dead and checked. It checked around and the turn was an offsuit 10. I checked again, which I think is the right play. It checked around again and the river was the third heart, a deuce. I checked my straight and someone bet T25. I called and took the hand down with my straight when the bettor showed QT for two pair.

Some poker genius said this "I don't think he knew he had a straight."

Well, I already felt like I'd been insulted by a previous player and let that slide. I wasn't going to let this one slide. "What?" I replied. "I had the butt end of the straight and any King had me dead." "Any two hearts also killed me."

From yet another genius (genius number two), "I'll bet the butt end of a straight any time." I responded, "You must win a lot of money at this game." That got a bunch of "LOLs" from the table. "Why risk it this early in a tournament?" I continued. "You can't win it now, but you sure can lose it."

Genius number one says "Good point." Genius number two says "You're an idiot." His avatar was Beavis and Butthead, incidentally.

What if I had bet my straight when there was a one card higher straight out there, like Butthead would have? I mean, this is online poker, where people hold on to aces and kings NO MATTER WHAT THEIR OTHER CARD IS. If an ace or a king can beat me on a hand, I always assume there is one out there. I was pretty sure there wasn't one out there on this hand, but I wasn't going to risk my whole tournament on it. I am betting first here being the small blind, so if I bet out, someone could raise me. Then what do I do? I CANNOT call a raise with this hand. Too many hands beat me. I figured I'd check and happily lay down the best hand to a big bet. But the bet was small so why not trust my read and call? Had I raised, he could come over the top and I'd still HAVE TO FOLD. Call is the only decent move I see here, other than fold.

I see this as a fundamental difference between bad and good tournament players. A bad player is unwilling to lay down what might be the best hand if he thinks he might be beat and the tournament is on the line. A good player happily releases the best hand, waiting for a time where the risk makes a lot more sense.

Final results of the SNG? After a fierce heads up battle, I took second in the tournament. Genius number one finished seventh, and genius number two bubbled out in fourth. It kind of felt like.............Justice.

Excitable Boy, They All Said

I have been getting absolutely KILLED at work. New server, same old piece of crap application, with an upgrade!!! New and different problems....grumble grumble. Didn't fix the old problems either.....I hate software upgrades. I blame Microsoft. If they wouldn't discontinue support for NT4, I never would have had to go through this madness.

Anyway, BEFORE the insanity started, I finished my required hands at Bodog. I decided to play NLHE Ring games, instead of Tournaments. Here's what I was thinking...Find a table that has an average pot over $5 at the $.10/$.25 NL game. Then limp whenever you can, only calling raises with premium hands. Limp with ANYTHING in early position. Fold if it is raised more than double the blind (min raises make baby Jesus cry, ya know) and see what happens. Do this until the rest of the table figures out what you are doing, then switch tables.

What Happened, you ask? I caught INSANE flushes and straights. I quadrupled up my $25 buy in, and the table NEVER caught on. I guess I looked like a fish who plays every hand, because I always got called when I hit a big hand. ALWAYS. Nut straight with 75o, all-in, FOUR CALLERS. They were all small stacks, but still, the nuts is the nuts. Nobody was raising their premium hands pre-flop. I was on a bit of a roller-coaster, but the downs were slow and small, and the ups were HUGE and FAST. I may need to rethink my NL ring game strategy. There was some card rushing going on, but it was fun playing so loose pre-flop.

So that finished my PokerSourceOnline promotion at Bodog Poker. It was okay, nothing really special. The software is relatively cool, but the cards in your hand were too small. The community cards were perfect size. I didn't like having to type your password in every time you entered, like Pacific. If anyone ever says "like Pacific" when referring to your software FIX IT IMMEDIATELY. The cashier sucks. The lobby tells you how much you have in your bankroll, but doesn't refresh unless you close the software and re-start it. Lame. If there's a way to refresh it otherwise, it wasn't very intuitive. Or I'm an idiot. Whichever. I made money with the promotion, plus the bonus dollars, so I can't really complain.

Speaking of PSO, my one-year anniversary of joining the forum was today. I left a post thanking them for the year, and it really is unbelievable how much free stuff I have gotten from them. The value is in the THOUSANDS of dollars. Most of this was the free poker cruise they gave me, but I got a ton of stuff from points, freerolls and league events. I only lost money completing a promotion once, and that was the second one I did at Aztec Riches Poker. I lost $13 of my buy-in, and got a $60 set of poker chips, which I gave away. That's one of FIVE poker chipsets I received, two table tops, DVDs, Books, Polo Shirts and a bunch of poker supplies.

I got some more stuff from PokerCoin.com in the mail yesterday, so I will have pictures and a comprehensive review coming up. For now, I gotta say the stuff is AWESOME. I can't wait to try it out in a poker room.

I bought this shirt

You should buy one too!
You know you want to.
Cause they're kewl.

Welcome to Oklahoma, Land of Intolerance

Yesterday started out so nicely. I took the morning off from work so I could finish some articles that I promised to have done LAST MONDAY. They were coming along smoothly and effectively. They really are more propaganda than literature, but hey, that's what they are paying for. I got two-thirds of the way through what I needed when I got beeped on my nextel from my customer. Turns out all hell is breaking loose at work, so I need to head in immediately. It's noon and I still haven't eaten yet, so I'm desperate for some food. I drive by a BK, and bang, they've closed down the joint. I go another block to McD and there's a line around the fricking block. I don't have that kind of time, so I head to the office.

My coworkers are droning around in their usual zombie-like state. "Do you guys realize the network is down?" I ask. "Somebody's working on it," they reply. Great. Why am I the only one who has the customer ripping into me like a monkey on a cupcake? So after "somebody" gets nowhere, I dive in, basically cracking the whip on those who are supposed to care and don't. And after seven hours of troubleshooting, the problem is essentially solved. All except for the system of one guy who has turned off every phone he owns because he doesn't want to get called on his Birthday. Selfish prick.

I've got the low blood sugar shakes at this point, so I stop in a regional fast food chain to get a burger. The guy waiting for his food before me has his back to the wall, so I don't see his shirt until he takes his seat in a nearby booth facing away from me. His shirt PUBLICLY RIDICULES my beliefs. What a fucking shithead. To actually BUY A SHIRT that ridicules what someone believes. He is so fucking insecure in his faith that he has to declare anyone that believes differently a "fool." If he's so FUCKING SURE he's right about his religion, then WHY THE FUCK is it called "faith?"

I'm not positive about this, but I'm pretty sure if I wore a T-shirt that ridiculed his faith, I'd be shot by one of these fundamentalist motherfuckers with a deer rifle.

When I left the restaurant, thoroughly pissed off, he looked at me through the window and I shot him the bird. I'm sure he had no idea why. Stupid self-righteous fuck.

The only thing I am intolerant about is intolerance. I am an absolute moral relativist. The only people I think are immoral are moralizers. Fuck them. Their shit is just as fucked up as everyone else's, they just think something or someone gives them the right to tell everyone else they're fucked up.

Especially those religious fuckers. That's why the world loves it when Jimmy Swaggert gets busted with another hooker, and Jim Bakker gets exposed as a total scumbag. Because DEEP DOWN we KNOW they are fuckers, and it's nice to be proven right once in a while.

Poker Comic #18

Go Be Rude Grows Some More

Email received:

Your site has been added to our new *quality* poker links page, which can be found at www.Gutshot.co.uk/poker-links. We would be grateful if you could you reciprocate this, and link back to www.Gutshot.co.uk.

I like Gutshot a lot. I must have looked at their site 20 times a day last year to get their coverage of the WSOP. It was the only site that had hourly updates on the progress, and really candid stuff. It was fricking great.

I will check out their site for any cool graphics or banners and probably put it up. I'm pretty much a whore for anything including compliments.

Whoring Bodog

I decided to start a Poker Source Online promotion at Bodog Poker last night. It's a pretty good deal. Deposit a minimum of $50, get a 20% deposit bonus and earn 150 Bodog Points and you get $60 worth of credit in PSO points, good for chipsets, books, DVDs, poker tables or gift cards. The only catch in this deal is that you have to contribute to the pot to get a Bodog Point, and how much the pot is raked determines how much of a point you get.

I started out playing 6 max $1/$2 Limit Hold Em. I was killing that table and was up about 12 BBs when the table broke up. The only other table going was a full ring, so I jumped in there and proceded to lose my profit and another 11 BBs. I just could not hit any of my draws, and I was probably playing looser than normal because of the bonus requirements. It also could have been the semi-aggressiveness from the 6 max game putting me on a bit of tilt. At the same time I played three $10+1 SNGs. I took third in two of them for a $7 profit, plus 6 Bodog Points for each one. Both third place finishes were horrendous beats. My A9 lost to K9 and my 88 lost to A8 when he caught the wheel on the river. The other was a 4th place finish. Then I went to 5 card stud. Bad idea. I dropped $15 and only earned about 5 points before running for my life. I made a few bucks back playing Omaha Hi/Lo with some absolute donkeys. The tendency for Omaha HL players to see a flop with any four cards really helps when you need the pot to get raked at least a dollar.

I made 100+ points in one evening, which isn't too bad. I deposited $400 so I got a deposit bonus of $80 so I am still ahead, once I collet 240 Bodog Points. The $10 SNGs are very juicy, and I enjoyed them the most of any game I played there. I could pull a Poker Nerd and play 3 at a time SNGs until I get enough points, but I only need 9 SNGs to finish the promo, but 24 to finish the bonus. Maybe a combination of SNGs and Omaha HL will do the trick.

The PSO points should give me enough for an Ipod Mini, which I want to use while playing at the T-Bird. I think I'm going to go with a Rio Carbon via Amazon Gift Card instead though. I just hate how "hip" the Ipods are.

Nice Turn

This one started good and got better:

#Game No : 1952291372
***** Hand History for Game 1952291372 *****
NL Hold'em Trny:11634406 Level:2 Blinds (10/20) - Monday, April 25, 20:26:42 EDT 2005
Table $100 Freeroll(313139) Table #2 (Real Money)
Seat 10 is the button
Total number of players : 10
Seat 1: GiantHammer ( $960 )
Seat 3: RobNovice ( $1110 )
Seat 4: Walli_man ( $4770 )
Seat 5: ALICE496 ( $1445 )
Seat 6: DuggleBogey ( $2455 )
Seat 7: random1182 ( $920 )
Seat 8: AMB74241 ( $945 )
Seat 9: MEMPHISTRUE ( $890 )
Seat 2: PATRI961 ( $840 )
Seat 10: MALIZIA ( $770 )
Trny:11634406 Level:2
Blinds (10/20)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to DuggleBogey [ Jd Qd ]
RobNovice calls [20].
Walli_man calls [20].
ALICE496 folds.
DuggleBogey calls [20].
random1182 folds.
AMB74241 folds.
MEMPHISTRUE folds.
MALIZIA folds.
GiantHammer raises [75].
PATRI961 folds.
RobNovice calls [65].
Walli_man calls [65].
DuggleBogey calls [65].
** Dealing Flop ** [ Td, 2d, Kd ]
GiantHammer bets [30].
RobNovice calls [30].
Walli_man folds.
DuggleBogey calls [30].
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ad ]
GiantHammer bets [45].
RobNovice folds.
DuggleBogey calls [45].
** Dealing River ** [ Jc ]
GiantHammer bets [60].
DuggleBogey raises [300].
GiantHammer folds.
DuggleBogey shows [ Jd, Qd ] Royal Flush.
DuggleBogey wins 900 chips from the main pot with Royal Flush.

Missed it!

Well I'm an idiot. I missed Maudie at the T-Bird on Friday night. When the friend I brought busted out and mysterously disappeared, I got up and wandered around the tables looking for someone that matched her description. What I didn't do was check the table that my friend was actually sitting at, because she was there! I knew it when she described him as "BIG GUY." My friend is HUGE. He's a former boxer and weighs in at 420 lbs. I was praying there would be a fight, because I always want there to be a fight when I have a man-mountain covering my back.

The game at the T-Bird was good. Almost all newbies and you could read everyone all the time. If you raise them, they shrink. They still call, but you could buy the bet every time. If you get re-raised, RUN! I easily took control of the table when I wanted it, and still got people to lead out when I wanted them to. And of course, plenty of people calling with absurd hands. Counterfeited pairs, straights with 4 flush cards on the board. You know. Donkey Poker.

The thing about donkey poker is that it can really frustrate better players. Especially NL and tourney players. You CANNOT just play super-tight at these games. You end up leaking money from calling with decent hands that don't hit and paying the blinds. You have to speculate a lot and put players to the test with sub-optimal hands. If one of the donkeys catches his miracles, you're screwed. I think that's what happened to the BIG GUY. The donkeys were catching, and he was going down in flames.

If you can adjust your game to donkey poker, there's a lot of money to be made there. You can just sit and count the extra bets that players are pissing away. "That was a dumb call. That was a dumb call. That was a dumb call," goes over and over in your head. They wear their tells like cheap OU shirts. They give away the strength of their hand with every grunt groan or mutter under their breath.

I'm sure there are sharks there. I'm sure Maudie, if she hasn't already, will adjust to the donkeys and start hauling money out of that place. So the most important skill you can have at these live tables is to figure out who the good players are. At the table I occupied for 3.5 hours and $157, there were none to find.

OK poker

I am going to give Oklahoma Poker a try tonight. I'll be headed to the Thunderbird Wild Wild West Casino around 4 or 5:00 this evening.

Maybe Maudie will be there! I'll be wearing a red golf shirt and tan jeans, using a gold "Bad Beat" card protector. Say hi to Duggle if you see me!

Two on One

I played another Sit N Go at Absolute Poker yesterday. These things seem almost foolproof. I haven't finished worse than fourth, EVER. Yesterday's was an adventure, however.

I did my standard fold fold fold after just stealing the blinds and a limp when I raised with QQ pre-flop. The routine idiots busted out early, and we stayed at six players for a long long time. Eventually I got down but doubled back to the starting amount, and eventually we were down to three. I hadn't been paying a lot of attention, so I didn't realize until I got the hand history that these two players never once played against each other. Even when they were both blinds, the blinds would be folded. So it was actually the two of them against me. One was a very small stack, but since he never had to pay his big blind and always got the small blind from the big stack, he was never in any jeopardy.

I finally got all in with my AT vs the small stack's A3, who had overtaken me without winning a single showdown. I got a Ten on the turn, but Four hearts came and he had the Ace of hearts so I was gone. Then the small stack went all in with garbage cards and the big stack called with slightly better garbage and the game was over. One hand after playing as tight as humanly possible.

On Absolute they don't kick you out of the room when the tourney is over, you can sit down again and join the next tourney starting at the same table. Both of them sat right down again. I asked them if they knew each other, and they didn't respond. When I said "I'm submitting this history to be reviewed for collusion," they both disappeared. They didn't go to another tourney either, I did a search for them. I wonder if Absolute support will do anything with the hand history I sent them?

$500 Deposit Bonus

Well, Poker Source Online jumped the MayDay gun and opened the Noble Poker deal today.

100% Match Bonus up to $500.

You put in $500, you get $500 in bonus money to work off $10 at a time. You have 60 days (TWO MONTHS!) to work off this bonus. You get $10 for every 125 crowns you earn. For every raked hand at $.25/$.50 you get one crown. For $.50/$1.00 you get two crowns, for $1/$2 and up you get three crowns. So that's 2084 hands to make $500.

There are conflicting reports but it looks like any hand you receive cards in that gets raked counts as a raked hand. Some are saying that you have to contribute to the pot, but one person I trust who has started this already is saying that he is getting crowns for every hand, if he contributes to the rake or not.

To do this deal you have to be a member at Poker Source Online and go through their process to sign up at Noble Poker. DO NOT GO DIRECTLY TO NOBLE and try to get this bonus. Their standard bonus is $300 for $300. If you go through Poker Source Online please use the links on this page or put "dugglebogey" in as your referral. When I get paid for your referral I will paypal you half of what I get if you let me know in comments.

Insanity

Things are completely insane at work as we are upgrading servers and trying to get our old ass applications to upgrade to the newest and lamest versions. It sucks ass and it is taking all my time at work, which is when I usually blog. Sucks for me, sucks for you.

The Kansas City trip was great as usual. I lost at everything except poker, which begs the question, why play anything except poker? Not so for King Lucky, who WON at everything except poker and Wild Aruba Stud. I frigging hate that Wild Aruba Stud game. The goddamn dealer never qualifies when you have a decent hand. KL hit it big on a slot machine and turned it into a mountain at craps. Then he put the snowcap on the mountain at video poker. If there is such a thing as a video poker shark. He's the guy. Way to turn $.50 into nearly $2000.

There are some HUGE things happening over at Poker Source Online in May. A bunch of new promotions, including the possiblity of a 100% match up to $500 at a new site. Check there or back here on Mayday for more details.


Felicia IM'd me last night to tell me she's still alive. Unfortunately I wasn't online to catch her, but it's good to see she is actually in good enough spirits to risk another conversation with me. That HAS to be a good sign!

Ides...continued

I see that part of Iggy's uber post of the day is about taxes and I want to be sure he doesn't think I'm talking about his post here. He actually gives one of the reasons for NOT evading what taxes you can, the fact that you might get anally raped in an audit.

No, I'm referring to the self-righteous 2+2ers out there, one of which he quoted in his blog who is the perfect example

People properly avoiding taxes and using a place like Antigua to do it usually deal in the millions of dollars and have better structures set up than this. Even if they're caught, they have plenty of legal outs. You have none, no excuse except greediness.

Wanting to keep the money you earned is "greedy?"

The GOVERNMENT are the greedy motherfuckers here. It's not like they are going to use the money for anything USEFUL. They are going to piss it away on some shit pork barrel project that is really just a kickback to someone in their district or fucking FAMILY.

Paying your taxes doesn't make you a GOOD PERSON. It makes you a FUCKING SAP. If you have a surefire way of avoiding them, you're a DUMBASS if you don't. I wish I did.

P.S. Martha Stewart got FUCKED. And she will come out smelling like a rose anyway.

The Ides of April

Tax day seems to be a day of moralizing by poker players.

One of the great things about poker and the poker community is the "outlaw image" associated with it. Players tend not to get very self-righteous about moral issues, since the game they are dealing with it has some connection to illegality in most places, especially Internet poker players.

But then bring up the subject of paying taxes on your poker winnings, and suddenly all these lowlife alcoholic scumbags get all ethical about how you should stop being greedy and "do your duty" by paying your taxes.

Bullshit. Keep your fucking selective morals to yourself.

There is ONE and ONLY ONE reason to pay your taxes. TO KEEP FROM GETTING YOUR ASS THROWN IN JAIL. Or to keep the mafia Government from forcibly taking more from you at a later date.

Voluntarily giving your money to the government is like giving a bottle of liquor to a homeless person based on his promise to sell it and buy a meal. It's not going to happen, and you must be FUCKING HIGH to believe it will. The governemnt is an addict, and YOU are the enabler. It's a codependant relationships, and you are as much to blame as the government is.

I don't like to get policital in this blog, but reading all these fucking assholes who would check raise their grandmother to get another big bet out of her moralize about how people who want to avoid paying taxes are "greedy" makes me ill.

Poker Comic #17

Thunderbird....it's not just for drinking

Maudie tells me that Central Oklahoma finally has an operating Poker Room at the Thuderbird Wild Wild West Casino. That's a mouthful, and every time you type it, Microsoft Word hates you for using a repeated word. I'll have to talk to Richard Brodie about it. Anyway, Maudie wants to go on Friday but I am headed to Kansas City so I'll try to put her off by a week.

I went to Thunderbird once in June of 2003. I just got my job in OKC and was living in Corporate Housing and wanted to check out the local "action." Or lack thereof. All they had at the time was slot machines, bingo and OTB. I did win $100 in a slot machine in the 10 minutes I was there, but never expected to go back. They had blackjack tables set up, but there were signs on them that said they were shut down by some state organization and that I should write my congressman about it.

Now their web page says they are offering both BJ and Poker. Hold Em, Stud and Omaha. But that's it for the details on the web site. No idea on what limits they spread, what the rake structure is like or anything. It does say they take a $.50 commission from every $50 bet in Blackjack, so I fear for the rake structure. You never know though, they might be okay. There's a phone number to call for details, so I may call today and get the 411. [/ebonics]

WSOP

I found out yesterday if I can get myself to Vegas on June 22nd, I can get half my entry into the $1,500 NLHE event in the WSOP paid for. So I can play for $750. Not a bad deal. I was planning on being in Vegas from June 16-20, so I would have to alter those plans to make it. Maybe if I crank up the serious sit n goes on Party Poker, I can afford it.

Speaking of Sit N Goes...

I played in the oddest sit n go yesterday on Party. I didn't play a hand outside the blinds for the first 4 rounds. That's pretty much 40 straight folds. But when I shifted gears and started going all-in with any face card, my opponents had no idea what to do. Usually they folded to the unexpected aggression, because I was not low enough for desperation and picked opponents that my stack could still hurt.

I think this is the ideal way to play sit n goes, especially if you are cold decked for the whole thing. The maniacs who call anything have been long since knocked out, and the players left might have an idea about fold equity.

I took second when the chip leader had a 500 chip lead on me and my KK got cracked by his AT. Had the kings held up I would have had a 7500 to 500 chip adavantage, having seen less than 4 showdowns in the entire game.

Snoooooch

Not much action yesterday. I was playing $1/$2 at Absolute yesterday, which was totally retarded because I'm not working on a bonus there, and anyone playing at Absolute that isn't working on a bonus is a CHUMP.

But, I was waiting for someone to IM me back, which he didn't do until a couple of hours after I left.....quite frustrating.

I was getting destroyed on the river with every big pair I held. Some idiot would bluff the whole way with ace high and catch the wheel on fifth street. It was very ugly. What sucks about limit poker is it is hard to make up for a lot of losses in one hand...unless...

That's right, about 7 people came along with my Jack-Nine of diamonds. The flop held a Queen of diamonds and the Eight of diamonds. Turn was the nine of hearts and I was betting out, hoping one of my zillion outs would come. The beautiful blue TEN came on the river (four-color deck is an addiction) and suddenly I was ahead for the day. I guess someone had a suited ace of diamonds because they took me to the cap, and another person came along for the ride. A 28 BB pot.

I requested the history from Absolute, but it never came. I wish I had gotten a screenshot. I haven't had a straight flush get paid off outside of Omaha in a LONG ass time.

Fuck Me Running

I arrived at work today to a fucking disaster. My company has finally blocked access to PokerSourceOnline and their forum through the firewall.

If anyone out there knows any way to penetrate a corporate firewall, I'm all ears. I'm a geek, but not that much of a geek. I haven't started searching the net yet...I guess it depends on how desperate I get.

Update: I can read the forums through a web proxy, but I can't post. I will try to set up an HTTP host from my home computer tonight and try to use it tomorrow. Isn't the Internet wonderful for education on illegal information?

The worst part about learning as a poker player is that you know how you screwed up. I played in an Absolute tournament yesterday and while I'm not good enough to keep from making mistakes, I'm good enough to realize after that fact what a huge blunder I made. I guess it's part of the process, but I really beat myself up about it. It's way too easy to say "I know this is the wrong move, but I am going to do it anyway, because these guys are such idiots I can get away with it."

Yesterday's Absolute tournament was a joke. I am going to save the hand history, because I swear to God every STUPID NEWBIE mistake was made at my table. I could write a book called "The Top 100 STUPID Mistakes new poker players make" based on the play of a couple of complete idiots at the table. One of them named "Mouser" pissed away his chips with one HUGE mistake after the other. The other made almost the same mistakes but built up a huge stack with suckouts and poor play by his opponents.

Here's an example: I make the nut flush on the turn in the BB and slow play to the river. The pot is already HUGE and I'm pretty confident the better who has been throwing T250 into the pot on every street is going to continue his dumb bets on the river so I check. But he CHECKS! But I get lucky and this aformentioned "Mouser" is in position and min bets...T20 into a pot over T1000, and reopens the betting for me. This is such a monstrously dumb move. Is it a bluff? T20 into a pot of a thousand won't even bluff jack high out of the hand. Did he really have a hand? If so it had to be worth more than T20, didn't it? I cannot even fathom what motivated this bet, other than sheer stupidity.

The cover of the movie "The Sting" (Best Picture, 1973)has a picture of Paul Newman lighting a cigar with paper money. I'd say Paul got more value for his money than this guy.

Poker Comic #16

AP Contest

About a week ago I got an email from Absolute Poker telling me about all the tournaments they run, and deposit bonuses available. Kind of a weekly newsletter. Part of the email told about a contest of sorts they were running. Submit "the funniest thing you ever heard at a poker table" to a certain email address, and if it is selected you win a prize.

I submitted the joke from the very first Poker Comic, but I didn't like my chances because I got an automated reply that said "We're sorry for your problems, a support person will review your case and get back to you as soon as possible."

But lo and behold, in the next week's email, I read this:

Congratulations to the following winners of the DVD promotion. Your DVD has been shipped!
• JwlD1
• Scotsman65
• DuggleBogey
• Ciaobby
• Mongoose

Based on a true story, High Roller is a hard-edged drama about legendary card prodigy Stu Ungar, one of the youngest players ever to win Las Vegas’ World Series of Poker. Stu (Emmy Award-winner Michael Imperioli of The Sopranos) had a meteoric rise through the back-room card parlors of New York City to the glamorous casinos of Las Vegas. A life of promise was quickly wasted as his greed and obsession paved the way to a stunning downward spiral into drugs, womanizing and high-stakes gambling.

I haven't heard very much positive about the movie, but I think that's just from disappointed poker junkies who wanted a hand by hand portrayal of his life. I really appreciate films like "Wonderland" and other films about people who acheived some fame but self destructed in a blaze of glory. Anyway, I was going to rent it from Netflix, but now it's free!

Man I love free shit.

Apparently, 74o makes you a homosexual

I was playing in a SitnGo at Absolute yesterday when I learned I was a homosexual. While I previously thought that having sex with your same gender made you a homosexual, apparently sucking out on someone with 74o also qualifies you for this distinction that our society values SO much.

We're down to three. I'm in the small blind with 74o and the dealer folds. I call, and the BB checks. The flop is 872, and I wish for a moment that I was holding the hammer. I wish even more when I check and the BB puts me all in. I thought for a moment, not long enough apparently, and called, figuring him for a bluff. I was dead wrong, as he flipped T8 for the top pair. A four on the river and I am chip leader while he is crippled.

I say "Sorry, that was gross," and he replies with "fag."

My fear is that he knows whereof he speaks, after all HE has a picture of TOM CRUISE as his avatar. What is more homosexual than that? I'm going to hate to break this news to my wife. She will be heartbroken, if not ASTOUNDED.

Crunch Time

I'm playing in an MTT with more than 900 of my closest friends. Pays at 70. There are 72 people left in the tournament. I have T4800 and I'm in the small blind with A5o. It's folded around to me and the Big Blind, who has T7600 and is already in for T600.

I complete, tossing another T300 into the pot. King Lucky says "Slow down, even if you lose this hand, if you take enough time two people will go out and you will make the money."

The big blind pops it, but only for another T600. I call. "Take more time," King Lucky says.

Flop comes 467, two spades. I check, hoping for a freebie to complete my straight. BB will have none of it, and bets T1200. I look at the pot, figuring I need at least T3600 in the pot to call it. My T1200 would make it T4800, I call.

Turn is an offsuit 3. My joker. I check. I figure if he really has that flush draw, he will pop it again, continuing the semi-bluff. Then I can come over the top and put him to a decision. To my suprise, he checks.

River is the 9 of spades. I bet T1200, he goes all in over the top.

What do I do? There are still two places to the money. Cashing isn't the biggest deal in the world, but it is three times my buy-in amount. If I fold, I will make the money, but I won't make it any farther without a miracle comeback.

More importantly, do I trust my read? I was sure the guy would pop the turn if he had a flush draw, but now he is representing one. Or the guy could have 85 and have slow played the turn. But I seriously doubt he would have doubled the big blind pre-flop with 85. A bluff would have been more than T600.

I trust my read, and he shows an offsuit KQ. "You'll make the money now," says King Lucky.

I ended up in 33rd place after calling off most of my chips with an OESD after 5 people limped on my big blind. Odds were easily there. I missed the straight but hit top pair, losing to a pocket pair of nines. I did get six times my buy in, so I wasn't unhappy with the outcome.

Random hammer victims

This was randomly posted at the PSO forums, and I had to laugh.

Hey, to everyone who's sick from a bad beat...remember that in Hold 'Em, ANY TWO CARDS CAN WIN!!!!!!!! AA isn't worth the cards they're printed on if the board comes 7772 and someone cold-called your raises with 72o. Get used to it, get over it, and move on.
rhys

Gotta love it.

Who did it? Fess up!